Why is dating advice always centered around introspection/self improvement, rather than actually finding the type of person you are looking for?

[Anonymous]

Everytime I see someone give dating advice, its about "upping your game", or "working on yourself", or some other kind of "do better" type of advice.

These people assume that, because they are players/sluts, that you also want to be a player/slut, and so they give advice on how to be "high value" or how to "attract more women/men". But that viewpoint misses the mark by a mile. Traditionalists also do this sort of blanket advice, and its just as empty.

People should just be themselves, the reason most people struggle to find love is because they can't find their type. But you pretty much never see dating advice that says "go here if you want this type of woman/man." No one ever wants to help you find what you're looking for, because to the advice giver, you should just want any hot person of the appropriate gender with a pulse and "their shit together".

These people who give advice have no personality, they are just walking sex addicts or traditionalists that do not have any niche mental citeria to be picky over. They do not realize that the recipent of such advice, views the advice giver as low value, and that their advice is tangibly useless to the recipient's situation and desires.

Updates

8 mo

Another thing I've noticed about advice givers is they will say that "if you aren't the problem, then the issue is that you aren't putting yourself out there, otherwise you would be attracting lots of potential dates". But where is "out there"? The only ones to mention specific places all resort to clubs, bars, and other "everyone already knows how useless these places are for serious relationships" type of locations.

These people want to sound like dating "gurus", but they are just pathetic.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s because of the idea that if you can attract a lot of people you can have a lot of options. But they don’t take into account that your options may not be the kinds of people you want anyways. As far as where to go, it’s usually where a lot of people go—to hook up. So yeah, I do agree that a lot of dating advice out there is centered on sex and not commitment.

[Asker]

Yeah the "attract a lot of options" mentality is backwards, and I don't want hookups, I want a wife I relate to.

The only way to attract a lot of people is to be famous. The vast majority of people either cannot become famous, or do not want to be famous. Advice needs to focus on searching, not attracting.

You are not the ad, you are the search engine, you need help in the form of search queries to find a match, not an advertizing agency's help. But no one wants to give said query.

[Anonymous]

That advice is given because most of the collective are damaged, ego driven or superficial. Thus it is all about upping your game, competing and how to present yourself in a certain way to appease this ego. If you are going for a person who are none of those things, then simply being yourself will always do.

[Asker]

Most people are not "damaged", not in that context anyway.

Most people are just different, so most other people view them as damaged because they don't approve of the differences. People need a perfect fit for them, not to meet the standards of a different kind of person or lower their standards to please more people.

The correct answer is always "be yourself in a spot where likeminded people are also being themselves."
Where is the spot? Well, thats where most people get stuck and need advice on finding.

Yet no one gives said advice.

[SPIRIT208]

Because society is too afraid to to offend someone by saying something, or afraid to be different from each other

[Asker]

Well I have bad news for them then, everyone is already different from most other people. Its the entire reason people struggle to find a match in the first place, because while its impossible to be similar to everyone (or even to most people), you do need to be similar to a spouse.

[SPIRIT208]

Exactly bro