Help! What can I do to make him interested again?

[Donna33]

There was this guy who was in love with me but I had a boyfriend. I liked him back but I wanted to remain faithful to my ex. He was waiting for me for almost 2 years, but when I broke up with my ex, there was another guy who also liked me (but I didn't ) who I recently found out that he lied to that guy whom I liked back, by telling him that he had started dating me... That made him stop acting interested, believing that I didn't want him, and he has started dating another woman. I am confused and sad, because I wanted to be with him so much (I just didn't want to be unfaithful to my previous partner)

[caring__1]

Be open and honest and explain everything to him in an email, without any excuses or blame. That way, he can take his time reading and rereading what you wrote and then decide if he is open to something with you or not. If he's not interested, don't continue to hold onto him or pressure him.

[Donna33]

You are right, but tbh I' m afraid if he rejects me

[Donna33]

Although I had rejected him multiple times (because I was in a relationship), so he passed through this. Perhaps I should be as brave as he was

[caring__1]

The question is whether you want him to be happy or you want him to be with you. Can you be happy for him if he finds true happiness elsewhere? People don't reject you. They choose something they believe is more compatible with them. It's not a judgment of you, so don't take it personally.

See things through his eyes. He is going to base his decision on what he believes is likely to happen again. Let's say your partner has multiple affairs. Will you just blindly believe him when he says to trust he'll never do it again? We either like a person's patterns or we don't like the patterns.

If you truly wanted to be with him so much, you would have ended your other relationship and been with him. How could he respect someone who stayed with someone abusive or who she didn't love? His decision will be based on the total picture you have shown him. Should he blindly believe in his fantasy, or does it make more sense for him to create something strong from scratch? There is no right or wrong here. Just see it as a learning experience. Don't attempt to break up his present relationship. Just be his friend and show him a consistent new pattern. Show him you truly want him to be happy.

[artgorgeous]

Hahahha, so meseed up. You women can't just focus on one relationship.

[Donna33]

What do you mean? I did!! I didn't want to be a cheater

[Donna33]

And I didn't date that other guy, he lied on that!

[artgorgeous]

Its very difficult to follow the story you described. Super complicated to me.

[Donna33]

Ok sorry I'll try to explain as simply as I can (although it's hard).

So, I was in a toxic relationship with let's call him Ben, and at some point appeared another guy, let's call him Tom, who showed interest in me. I rarely talk about my personal life, so Tom didn't know I had a boyfriend so he became persistent on me. Although I liked him back from the beginning, I rejected him explaining that I didn't want to cheat on Ben, despite the toxicity of our relationship. Tom told me that I was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and he would wait for me until I decided to quit my relationship with Ben. He had been waiting for me for 2 years, he was there for me, patiently waiting, but when I broke up with Ben, I suddenly noticed some weird attitude from Tom. He acted like he was not into me anymore and I found out that that same week Tom started dating another woman, let's call her Sheila. I cried a lot and later I found out through some friends we have in common, that there was another guy, let's call him Sam, who also liked me, but I didn't like him back, who in a desperate attempt to alienate Tom from me, he lied to him by telling him that he was dating me (which was a lie!!), so Tom thought that I never had feelings for him, he decided to move on and he even told to our common friends that when he started dating Sheila was in an attempt to stop suffering for not having me in his life

[artgorgeous]

So, basically you switched the positions with Tom. Now he has someone who he likes, but you are single now. You need to make sure Tom still likes you and you need to find out what Tom's relationship with Sheila (is it toxic or not)

If its toxic - try to pursue Tom, so eventually he will break up with Sheila

If its not Toxic - sorry, it this case you either wait like he did, or find someone else. I recommend not to wait and look for someone else.

To find out about Tom's and Sheila's relationship, just ask friends or make your own investigation/observation to "draw" the general portrait of their relationships.

[Donna33]

Thank you very much!! This helps me a lot!!