Been seeing someone for awhile. I’m getting ready to head out of town and he says we should get together before I go. I ask what he wants to do and he says, “idk coffee.” I was taken aback because we’ve been out 7-8 times now and talking nearly every day. Coffee to me is just always something you do with someone you’re checking off of box for or want to do something quick. Would suggesting coffee feel like disinterest to you? And would you suggest coffee if you don’t plan on getting it on with someone before they leave town? 😂😂😂 Thoughts?
I will say he was also taken aback by my response to him suggesting coffee and proceeded to send me the coffeeshop he was thinking of. It’s cute and is more of an experience with an amazing overlook and trails. So realized I underestimated it and got excited when he sent it. I told him I’d been wanting to go there and was so excited. When he brought up my reaction to the coffee idea. I ended up apologizing and laughing about it, telling him I didn’t realize he was going to pull something like that out of his sleeve, that he took me by surprised and I was so excited to spend time with him. Cause it really did surprise me that it seemed more thought out than I thought. I feel bad that my previous experiences with guys has left me a little jaded to the point that I may have made him feel bad for suggesting something that I think he thought I’d enjoy. And of course I don’t want him to feel like I don’t trust him. 😅
I will say he was also taken aback by my response to him suggesting coffee and proceeded to send me the coffeeshop he was thinking of. It’s cute and is more of an experience with an amazing overlook and trails. So realized I underestimated it and got excited when he sent it. I told him I’d been wanting to go there and was so excited. When he brought up my reaction to the coffee idea. I ended up apologizing and laughing about it, telling him I didn’t realize he was going to pull something like that out of his sleeve, that he took me by surprised and I was so excited to spend time with him. Cause it really did surprise me that it seemed more thought out than I thought. I feel bad that my previous experiences with guys has left me a little jaded to the point that I may have made him feel bad for suggesting something that I think he thought I’d enjoy. And of course I don’t want him to feel like I don’t trust him. 😅
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uhh maybe he doesn't really care where he just wants to see you?🤔 i think you're too stuck on the location rather than him wanting to see you. i dont think he's losing interest based off what youve said. the second part of you post confused me though
Yea. I think you’re right. There are so many things on the internet these days saying coffee dates are low investment dates meaning they don’t care or aren’t interested. So yea, I panicked in the moment. I hope I didn’t blow it by being so obviously unenthused initially when he suggested coffee. I haven’t heard back from him today, and I truly feel bad.
ah i see. it seems like you're an overthinker🤔
you being happy about the coffee date most likely ruin it. i mean why would it? he likes yo ass too right? if i liked a girl and she was excited to do something with me id think that was really cute🤔 haha. it shows she's interested. about the coffe thing. I've never heard about that. but i could see what theyre saying. but on the flip side you gotta look at it as. maybe it was just the first thing that sounded good to him. nothing about if it was low effort.
NOOWW with that being saiidd he coullllddd be using you for sex if it seems like that situation doesn't seem to be progressing and you guys fuck everytime you guys see eachother🤔 i dont want you to overthink about the situation but i also dont want you to be completely oblivious about that possibility. 🤔but i dont think thats the case. im just covering all possibilities
i meant most likely won't ruin it
I am definitely an overthinker. I’m trying to work on it. But it does get the best of me from time to time, especially in earlier stages of dating. I handle it on my own as not to take it out on the guy I’m seeing though.
So our relationship did start off heavier on the sexual side. But as it’s progressed he’s backed off of that. Our last date we didn’t have sex and we even went back to his place after the event we went to during the day. Instead, we took a nap, cuddled with his dog and went to the dog park. I was definitely concerned cause it was the first time we didn’t have sex when we saw each other. And now this date he suggested coffee (this is our 8th or so date over the last couple months) so I was like omg maybe he’s losing interest. But maybe it’s the opposite. Maybe he’s just taking me more seriously than before and just enjoys being around me and getting to know me. 🤣 what a novel idea? Hahaha!
So yea, I have thought about the using me for sex part, but I’m starting to think that’s not the case anymore. Early dating stages are so hard. 😅 I’m open to any advice and suggestions. Haha 😛
okay then it doesn't sound like he's using you for sex haha
but at the same time damn 8 dates and y'all STILL ain't dating?🤔🤔 thats a bit odd if you ask me.
i got some advice for you, have fun with the current guy you have be happy with him BUT i said, BUTTTT do not become oblivious to odd things and unaware of things. having serious feelings for someone tends to make you unaware of simple things and not wanting to see the truth because you dont want to believe it. thats why they say love is blind haha. this advice isn't necesarily about this guy and im not saying there's anything to be worried about buts its more of advice in general. to just make sure you still keep an eye out🤔 haha
Necessarily *
I appreciate that advice! Thank you! It’s always good to have a reminder. 😊
And yea I know. 8 dates does seem like a lot. But we have had a unique situation. When we met, I wasn’t actually trying to be serious (was caught up on another guy), thus why it started pretty sexual. Then he was out of town for work for several weeks. We kept in contact almost every day. During that time, I realized that maybe I want more from him. He’s been home for a month now and we’ve seen each other once a week since then. It’s felt like we kind of had to start over from our previous four more sex focused dates. And now that we have been talking more, he has been very open about getting out of something really bad right before meeting me and wanting to take it slow so he feels more ready and less cynical about something serious. I have been trying to keep my eyes VERY open and haven’t closed anything off from me meeting other men at this point. But there has been in a shift with him in the last couple weeks. Asking me about my day. Telling me things and sending pics about projects he’s working on. Less sex talk and more life talk. So we’ll see. I’m actually heading out of town now for three weeks, so I’m letting it be slow for now because of that too.