I was at the gym when he just started chatting with me and he convinced me to let him put his number in my cell phone and told me to text him. I'm curious what is like to date an older guy but also anxious. Need some advice. Help!
I am not sure I can give advice here but I can relay a story.
In April 1999, I was 36 and met a young lady who was 20. The moment I saw her, something in me came alive that had been dormant for a loooong time. It wasn't lust at first sight and definitely not love at first sight, but it was - "I desperately need to know more about you at first sight".
And we became friendly but she had an idiot immature boyfriend who didn't have a job and play the MMORPG "Ever Quest" I think.
I was almost like a father to her and was happy teach her things and, secretly, I had hoped she'd dump that guy. They lived together along with some other young people and we all hung out there.
By October, it was apparently she never was going to leave him anytime soon because she too was a bit immature, but I was wasting my time with these kids, so I drifted away.
Had she been with me, I would have fostered her and paid for her to go through college and have a good life, ideally, with us being in love.
Sadly, her life apparently didn't turn out well but she and the boyfriend did break-up.
So, I do wish she'd have dumped that boyfriend earlier and maybe we would have been happy together although, I must admit, sexually, there may have been an issue in a few years.
No essays here, he only made the connection as he is after a good time.
Most men at that age have their life sorted, they have a career and normally a well established home life already. Naturally there are circumstances that is not the case but generally it is.
Only question, does he know how old you are?
If a good time suits you, then why not? Go with the flow and see what happens. It could be fun. Just bare in mind that his likely end goal is to get you into bed, and not treat you seriously due to your age.
If not, then perhaps steer clear and maybe meet someone who has the same life experience as yourself for a start. Learn what it is you like before jumping into what is ultimately a bit of a fantasy
He knows my age, but thought I was older when he approached me.
Thank you for your advice about thinking about what I want before just dating guys.
I would proceed with caution. The fact that he is 35 and going for someone significantly younger is a red flag. It isn’t that there is anything wrong with you, like at all, it would be on his end. I question his motives. Generally there is probably a reason why he isn’t maintaining or creating a relationship with a woman closer to him in age. The power dynamic would also be off with him being so much older and more established (or you would hope he is established by that point. Know a few men around my age who are not and will go younger because younger women don’t always know better) with his career and where he lives. If he is pursuing a relationship I would take into account the opinions of the people around you (like your parents and close friends since their opinions won’t be rose tinted) and don’t have sex with him until you’re dating and he’s introduced you to his social circle. If he just wants a fling then that’s up to you if you want that or not too.
I went through his social media and he has good career, friends, and lives in good area, so I know he is well established.
I'm honestly just dating to have fun and getting to know guys and really understand myself better. And to be clear having fun isn't code for sex.
Good point not to have sex with him until he introduces me to his inner circle.
For the most part, it's a giant red flag when an older dude likes someone around your age. Those relationships turn out terribly, especially for the girl. It's not always the case, but often you're dealing with someone manipulative and exploitative.
You are probably right about him. He was incredible at getting me talk and open up about all sort of things in 15 minutes. He did come across as be nice though. I never met a guy like that which piques my curosity more.
It's not red flag if a guy approaches a girl even though he might be bigger than her. But it is surely a red flag if he have a family already and approaches her. It is only acceptable as long as he didn't date or marry any girl before her
Opinion
41Opinion
Don’t do it. You are wayy too young for someone his age and if he accepted your age after the fact of you telling him, I’m sure he is only going for you because of your age
There is nothing wrong with that, a bit like women only going for guys because they are alpha or bad guys or because of their looks.
@DarkLegacy as someone who has been a 19 year old girl once, I highly disagree with what you just said, and anyone that refers to humans as being alpha shouldn’t be taken seriously
You didn't really have anything to comeback with did you. Probably would have been better to say nothing at all
@DarkLegacy the point of my reply is you have no experience of what being a 19 year old girl is like and what they experience at their age , so you don’t have a clue on why I chose to respond how I responded
I'm older, dating a younger woman. You can find all kinds of info easily online by searching about the benefits or pros vs. cons of dating an older guy. My girlfriend loves it and is really excited and happy she gave it a chance when we first started talking, because she also had some thoughts about the age gap, like maybe she shouldn't just because it's not the norm.
Also, it's not going to be the same dating every older guy. Some are probably amazing and you'd be really happy, others are probably totally selfish or otherwise a terrible person to date. I haven't read the other answers, but there are a likely a lot of assumptions and prejudices that are going to say they know everything about this guy just based off his age. There are considerations and differences, but just like dating younger or your own age, there will be good, bad, and average guys in any age range.
Thank you for having a differing opinion that most to the people who responded. I like your perspective.
I’d say no. That just me being honest and what I would say to any 19yr old relative or coworker I cared about. When you’re his age (35) he will be 51. That’s not the worst age spread over ever seen and in fact know two couples at about that same spread. Having said that it’s not the numerical age spread that concerns me - it’s the maturity. You can’t even walk into a bar most places and this guy is closer to retirement age than you are to being born.
I’m not knocking you at all. Not in the least so please take this as I intend it. Why is a 35yr old man not connecting with women close to his age? You may be a absolute knock out and I get the power of an attractive woman but still, why is he hitting on the 19yr old (unless of course he has no idea how old you are) and not the women in his own orbit? Coworkers or friends of friends, or whatever. It’s not that YOU may not be amazing and beautiful and charming with much to offer, but rather why are women on par with him NOT picking him? What is he missing that he isn’t able to land his equal?
I guess if you want to just have fun and a little adventure then maybe there is no harm in it, but I see few happy endings in this story. I think your better to move on and put a reasonable cap on how much older you’ll connect with. 16yrs older seems a little far for me, and I’m even a guy in an relationship with a younger woman.
Your able to make your own choices at that age, if you do approach use caution. As other have mentioned its potentially sus for someone that much older than you to be interested. That being said i disagree that you just should completely ignore him. You said you are curious to date an older man and im assuming you think he's attractive enough to date. So go try meeting him and taking it slow, your at the age where you get to have fun and experiment just keep an eye out for red flags. He is definitely more likely to be a creep than if you dated a young person your age.
Yes he is attractive, looks younger than 35, and has a good job, so I don't think he is a creep.
It's not that the spread is huge between your age and his, it's more so you just barely out of high school and you should likely date/learn how to be with guys in and around your age/maturity level.
A guy who is 35 may come to expect certain milestones in a relationship more quickly, whereas, your milestones should be completely different (slower) at your age.
Good point about an older guy wanting to go faster than what I might be comfortable with.
If you do decide to go out with him, I'd tell him you are in control of the pace. If he doesn't like that idea or he tries to push the envelope, then your forewarned him and he can't really be pissed if you call it off. He has to respect your wishes.
why would someone that age be interested in someone that young except to ride her like a rented mule?
What would you even have in common other than he has an outie and you have an innie?
I'm probably violating the guy code, but I think he just wants to get laid with some young stuff and you are next on his list.
My gut feeling is other than sex it really won't go much further than that, but I could be wrong, but I don't think so.
He might even be married with children.
Google him and see what comes up, facebook etc.
Do your homework.
Sometimes young lady you have to make your own choices and live with them texting him. Can’t hurt getting to know him is a good thing if you’re interested if you’re not then let him know that you’re probably going to see him at the gym again, so I’ll be honest with yourself and do what makes you feel good
So if I'm not interested you think I should text to let him know?
out of bounds, no. don't know either of you, if we did, maybe the answer changes.
it's messed up because you go to the gym, so if you don't you have gym stress.
I'd give it a few more years, no rush... even though the hormones say there is...
if see him, tell him you are dating guys your own age right now.
Is a lot of nay sayers. I honestly won't NOT SAY NO DONT DO IT! Is only natural for older men to like younger girls.
And for younger girls to like older men.
If you met the guy at the gym a good chance means he's also fit. Which is a big key. I'd say give it a chance if he's good you'd know. If he'd bad you'd know too. No risk no glory.
He's not 50+ years old. Im in my late 30's and I date girls from 19 to 28 all the time. They seem more drawn to me than guys their own age.
you're young now, you won't be young forver..
If you want to hook up w him, texting might be a way to do that, if you want a relationship, first I doubt you will get that from a 35yo who approaches teens at the gym and second, the girl texting first is usually not a great idea. JMO good luck!
You're legally an adult and are able to date whoever you want. However, the reality here is that if someone that age is willing to date you, you might be getting taken advantage of. A thirty-five-year old's brain is much more developed and experienced versus someone who is nineteen years old, still fresh out of high school. He knows this well and may see that as an opportunity to try to manipulate you to do whatever he wants. If I were you, I'd stick to someone around your age range.
I don't know and tbh it's peaceful to not know who is right and who is wrong.
My philosophy is ask yourself what type of relationship do you want. Then ask yourself are you a match for that relationship? Then ask yourself is he?
Up to you. If you do make sure you go separately and its in a public place. Never in same car and he'll know where you live. Meet him there.
If you don't its not a loss either way.
Good safety tip. Thanks.
Anytime
You could try to get to know him.
But don't jump to bed, too early... make him work for it. And he may even turn out to be a high value guy.
If I were you, and would have the experience I have now, I'd text him. To get to know him.
Texting just get to know him could be interesting, but I don't want to lead him on either.
Why not? At 29 I was dating a girl your age. I think it depends on your feelings about the guy what his interest is in you, and your interest, if there is any? In today society, the age difference should not be a big deal. I have to assume you are not naive about what you think his sexual intent might be and just take that into consideration when and if you meet. Just dont' start off with something you may regret later... Make him prove himself to you as a worthwhile 'companion" ?
WHAT are you doing? it's extremely weird for a 35 year old to even want to talk to a 19 year old in a romantic way...
be careful out there! i know you don't want to here this but there are multiple things that could happen. sex trafficking, getting taken advantage of because of your age, getting used for sex. what normal 35 year old adult male would want to date a 19 year old for something other than personal gain?
Sure text him if you want to be used for sex. Otherwise you're not going to have much value. Too big of an age gap, nothing really to relate on, etc.
Funny how how so many women saying no are going anon
@DarkLegacy - what do you want you dumbass troll.
@DarkLegacy - seriously do you have nothing better to do with your self than harass other members on the site? I mean your ideology is backwards, uneducated, etc. and clearly shows why you aim for 18 year old girls not actual women.
You also harass men and you abuse and threaten men on this site too.
@DarkLegacy whatever do I abuse and threaten men? I treat trolls as they deserve to be treated, you actually still came on to my post and began belligerent Behavior. I only harassed people that deserve to be harassed and Men, though that is a very questionable the label for you because men in real life don't act like trash, like you deserve it
You desereved to be harassed then and you have made threats to me and other guys before
@DarkLegacy point them out bitch. Trailer trash like you harass other members as obvious by your initial post to this
You are pointing them out for me with your insults here. You are trash
@DarkLegacy nope 🙅♀️ 🤣😂 you ARE
If your curious, date him. Just be aware that this sort of age gap is not built to last. He may treat you really well, and can afford taking you places and doing things that guys your age could not, but at some point he's going to want sex. If that's something you might want too, ok. If it's not, best let him know it's not what you're looking for.
It's danger because he could have a wife and children. If he's having, then he might be making you feel bad for texting him. Even if he encourages you after you text him, he's a cheated and you shouldn't be with a cheater. If he doesn't have a wife and children, you can text him
You're an adult, you can date who. you like. But don't expect it to be a serious thing. You'll just be another notch in his bed post. you could have fun for a few month though.
Its not dangerous, but it is unfair to the guys your age when girls your age date outside their age group, and that is a 16 year age gap, so unless he looks half his age when compared to you, you might end up a widow at some point.
@Chayce I look the same as I did at 14, but thats rare unless you are in certain east Asian countries where healthy habits are popular among men.
In most countries, the majority of guys just do not take care of themselves. Even in the US, where healthy lifestyle movements are common, even the guys hitting the gym are not living healthy.
Weight lifting for example, is horrible for your circulation, joints, hormones, genitals, and hair. Its why body builders tend to be bald, have buldging blood vessels, dried out skin, cracking joints, shrunken genitals, and shorter lifespans. Meanwhile they refer to the healthy men as "soy boys" as if they are ill equipped or disadvantaged, despite those guys being much healthier than the gym rats.
@Chayce Body building without steroids causes the same effect, steroid suppliments merely get the effect without the work. The body is not supposed to be "ripped". Its unhealthy. And technically the steroid option is slightly "safer" because it removes the joint damage and hyperstrained blood vessel problems involved with weight lifting (though still causes the other problems). So doing it legit is actually harsher on the body.
The men who live long look like teenage boys at 50.
There are a lot of subjective things here but mainly the “ripped” body not being safe & the steroids being safe. What levels of steroids are we talking about? And how “ripped”? 8% boyfriend? Definitely not safe but no one is walking at that year around without feeling like death or they’re doing it for a competition.
Good point about age gap and aging. Just so you know I'm not dating to marry right now.
Then don't date at all, otherwise you'll and up ruining your life by becoming an STD ridden single mom.
He only wants you for sex. If you're down for a f**k buddy, go for it, otherwise, steer clear.
You can But Remember This: The Older he Gets, The worse He may Get with Perhaps Ailments and Being Set in His Ways... xxoo
Good pont but I'm not dating to marry right now.
Older guys are the best. So mature, they have money and if they've kept themselves in shape and are tall very attractive.
No danger whatsoever, the women saying that it is are just jealous because they are past their best and are deluded into thinking if they stop men this age getting younger women then they will settle for them. Which we won't
You should tell that guy to take a hike and wait a few years before you start dating older guys.
If you were a 35 year old cougar and you went up to a 19 year old boy, gave him your number and told him to text you. Would you think, for a second, you would consider that it would be dangerous if he did text you?
You're an adult; text him if you want to text him. It's probably going to end with you getting used, but you're going to do whatever you're going to do, at the end of the day.
Text him if you are a big girl or ugly. Pretty girls deserve a younger and more desirable guy.
only if you feel attracted because big age gap. when i was 35 one of my lovers was just barely legal. she liked me so it worked a few months.
I’d steer clear of him. My guess is he’s married. He’s at a gym checking out women and most likely thinking with his penis. Why he can’t get women his own age is red flag to me. For your own safety, I’d do a hard pass.
Why would a 36yo man be interested in dating a 19yo girl? I can understand having a one night stand fling, but to actively trying to date a late teen, been way older? I wouldn't trust that.
how do you feel about spending more than the last 16 years of your life as a widow?
Good point about age gap and aging. Just so you know I'm not dating to marry right now.
Then what are you dating for?
Kinda a at your own risk type of thing here, shouldn't be anyone but your own choice.
i lost interest when you said you were at the gym.
is everyone here nuts?
exercise is absolute insanity.
never did it and im well built never need a gym ffs.
answer is if you joined a gym you're an idjut
Honey if you like him do it and enjoy the time
The gym is not known as a good meeting place for guys and this guy is waving some red flags.
He’s barely older than me so I say give him a chance. Shoot him a text and if you aren’t feeling it then you can just stop.
It’s usually just a sexual relationship and doesn’t turn into anything else because of your age, if you were much older the age gap wouldn’t matter
He is using you. Only a loser 35 year old would have enough in common with a 19 year old to date.
No you retard get a grip young lady
ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew what the feck
Make him text you
Run! He's probably just after sex.
No, don't do it.
Funny how how so many women saying no are going anon
Makes you wonder if they are fake accounts hiding behind anonymity to avoid being exposed
Knew it, the person asking this is the fake here. Probably operating the pink anon accounts
Is he really 35?
Yes.
You got nothing to lose. Go for it
Yes he's prefect for you.
If you're interested, give it a go!
You are way too young for him
Smash. Next question
Text him lol you only live once
If you're a dumb bitch, yeah.
Funny how how so many women saying no are going anon
Makes you wonder if they are fake accounts hiding behind anonymity to avoid being exposed
Knew it, the person asking this is the fake here. Probably operating the pink anon accounts
@DarkLegacy are you mental?
Be careful
Why not?
You dont.
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