Those charts are from a study based on the dating app Okcupid back when it was very active.
Maybe it helps explaining some of the dating app/attraction dynamics many users wonder about. How applicable it is for dating outside of apps in real life, I leave to you to decide.
Men tend to rate the majority of women as average but will mostly go for/ message the most attractive ones while almost ignoring anyone percieved as average or less attractive.
Women on the otherhand view the majority of men as unattractive yet are not as opposed as men to message them. This leads to the thought procress that the average women seems to have convinced herself that the vast majority of men aren't good enough for her but messages them anyway.
This isn't to bash on either gender, honestly we all have it hard in different ways.
Short: Men go mainly for looks, women think most men are ugly yet are more likely than men to give them a chance.
What is your personal opinion/experience on that matter?
Nearly accurate assessment except it is not "women think most men are ugly" it is "women think most men on dating sites are ugly." Which is another way of saying "unattractive men are more likely to use dating sites," which checks. Or, it could be that women are wired to factor "emotional appearance" into their valuation of attractiveness, so all 2D photos of men are going to look incomplete compared to seeing someone in real life. Or something else..
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2 Reply
Asker
6 mo
Interesting take which is why its such important to take care in using good pictures as a guy. When I looked over a friend, I was suprised how utter bad many male pictures were. Not in terms of looks itself but quality/place. Taking a selfie while wearing your wifebeater in front of bathroom mirror with a big flash is one of the tamest things I saw.
Hm. Yeah, once you learn to evaluate things from the perspective of others ironically what becomes hardest is evaluating things from the perspective of someone who doesn't evaluate things from other people's perspective. So it would be surprising to see how uninformed other men are in what constitutes a reasonable picture, since just the barest of thoughts towards what will be passing through women's eyeballs is all it takes to put on a shirt.
I agree with this. Male mostly go behind what's more attractive and female believes attractiveness isn't everything but there can be some good man even behind unattractive face.
1
11 Reply
Asker
6 mo
It makes you wonder though, does it mean that a majority of pairs are made of an attractive women and a less or at least same attractive man? The opposite beeing very rare?
No. Male generally tends to approach attractive female. But after getting some rejections they start getting self doubts kind and avoid approaching the most attractive as they loose self esteem and feel like they are out of their league. So males who are average looking go for average looking girls. So most couples are average in looks.
But attractive girl would be mostly behind more stable man rather than his looks so they would make a couple where male is successful (no matter he is attractive or not. Attractiveness is bonus here) and attractive female
Couples who are made mostly because of physical attraction where both attractive, are a weak couple and there are more cheating cases in such kind relationship.
Mmh when I would have the option to chose from 10 different women, I know I would go with the most attractive option first and figure her personality out later. And then down the latter in terms of attractivness.
you're saying if you have the option of 10 different men, you would check their personality first, whetever theyre stable or not and then decide based on looks if you have the option?
Yes. I personally would definitely would check personality first, then stable or not, and if I have to choose after that also I'll choose attractiveness at last (attractiveness doesn't matter for me much) .
When i see a man no matter he is handsome i loose all attractiveness as soon as he starts speaking and if i find nothing attractiveness in his personality.
For me personality is most attractive. Then ofcourse his stabliy.
I would replay anyone who would message me as long as I find him decent and any sign of good personality or his thoughts through his bio. Then I would check how far it is true.
Well thanks for your input, most men and me included tend to think women judge us the way we are them. And that it is all about looks (apart from looking neat, groomed, self care obviously).
Could also explain while so many women care so much about their beauty while its less urgent in men who care about status for themselves more.
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Nearly accurate assessment except it is not "women think most men are ugly" it is "women think most men on dating sites are ugly." Which is another way of saying "unattractive men are more likely to use dating sites," which checks. Or, it could be that women are wired to factor "emotional appearance" into their valuation of attractiveness, so all 2D photos of men are going to look incomplete compared to seeing someone in real life. Or something else..
Interesting take which is why its such important to take care in using good pictures as a guy. When I looked over a friend, I was suprised how utter bad many male pictures were. Not in terms of looks itself but quality/place. Taking a selfie while wearing your wifebeater in front of bathroom mirror with a big flash is one of the tamest things I saw.
Hm. Yeah, once you learn to evaluate things from the perspective of others ironically what becomes hardest is evaluating things from the perspective of someone who doesn't evaluate things from other people's perspective. So it would be surprising to see how uninformed other men are in what constitutes a reasonable picture, since just the barest of thoughts towards what will be passing through women's eyeballs is all it takes to put on a shirt.
I agree with this. Male mostly go behind what's more attractive and female believes attractiveness isn't everything but there can be some good man even behind unattractive face.
It makes you wonder though, does it mean that a majority of pairs are made of an attractive women and a less or at least same attractive man? The opposite beeing very rare?
Obviously talking about physical attraction only here
No. Male generally tends to approach attractive female. But after getting some rejections they start getting self doubts kind and avoid approaching the most attractive as they loose self esteem and feel like they are out of their league. So males who are average looking go for average looking girls. So most couples are average in looks.
Most of attractive males would definitely go for most attractive girls. So they would be both attractive looking.
But attractive girl would be mostly behind more stable man rather than his looks so they would make a couple where male is successful (no matter he is attractive or not. Attractiveness is bonus here) and attractive female
Couples who are made mostly because of physical attraction where both attractive, are a weak couple and there are more cheating cases in such kind relationship.
Mmh when I would have the option to chose from 10 different women, I know I would go with the most attractive option first and figure her personality out later. And then down the latter in terms of attractivness.
you're saying if you have the option of 10 different men, you would check their personality first, whetever theyre stable or not and then decide based on looks if you have the option?
Yes. I personally would definitely would check personality first, then stable or not, and if I have to choose after that also I'll choose attractiveness at last (attractiveness doesn't matter for me much) .
When i see a man no matter he is handsome i loose all attractiveness as soon as he starts speaking and if i find nothing attractiveness in his personality.
For me personality is most attractive. Then ofcourse his stabliy.
I would replay anyone who would message me as long as I find him decent and any sign of good personality or his thoughts through his bio. Then I would check how far it is true.
Well thanks for your input, most men and me included tend to think women judge us the way we are them. And that it is all about looks (apart from looking neat, groomed, self care obviously).
Could also explain while so many women care so much about their beauty while its less urgent in men who care about status for themselves more.
I understand but don't worry it's not true. Only childish female would go behind male just for looks and such childish female are troubles.
Males status and his behaviour matters more what makes the life together.
Thank you too.
I mean we’re talking correlation/causation issues, but they look right.