How do you define “clingy” in a relationship and per your personal definition, do you like or dislike a “clingy” person ?

Question

I understand “ clingy” is generally used in pejorative sense, to mean “bad behavior” but It seems to me from whAt I have seen it is very arbitrary with no real definition of its own and is really more about the author then the recipient.. The way I hear people commonly use the term clingy, in my opinion often translates into :

1“I don’t really like you, I just never bothered to let you know that for some inexplicable reason”

2“I only want you for sex”

3“I’m borderline sociopathic”

🤔 I’m honestly not sure what makes someone clingy to someone who actually genuinely _wants_ to be with them..😐

Perhaps maybe I have never Experienced “clingy” 🤷‍♀️

Can you guys give me some insight?

Thanks 👍🏻

(🤓no I dm not worried tyst I dm clingy, I am just curious what it means to everyone bc the nearing is so loosely based.)

Aethereal · Accepted Answer

Clingy to me means that:
- Your partner makes you their top priority, everything and everyone else is secondary,
- They would ideally prefer to spend (all) their free time with you,
- They want to do things together whenever possible i. e. be a significant part of your day,
- They don't need time apart from their partner. Being with their partner gives them the same peace, recharge, etc., that time apart from a partner would give to others.

I am well aware that many people find the above things toxic. But I personally like them. I am like this in a relationship, and was lucky enough to find someone who is the same way.

To your update: "All the time" to me means any time that one is not engaged in unavoidable, unscheduled activities like school or work. Free time in general. It's why I think having the same hobbies (or the ability to enjoy each other's hobbies) is important in a relationship. If I didn't want my time to be "usurped", I wouldn't have gotten into the relationship in the first place. I have always viewed "usurpation" of time as a feature of being in a relationship, and have been bemused that so many people rebel against it; fighting to get the best of being single while still having the best of being in a relationship.

JackSmy · Accepted Answer

I need my space, and 'alone time' as I am naturally a 'loner' type, introverted, mostly, but like having a companion as well. I try to balance my need to be alone, with her needs to be close, and be together.
I NEVER want to work together, and live together, as that is just too much! Not that I don't love her, and that is usually the start of the argument, that I don't love her, because I don't want to be with her 24/7! "Clingy" ones NEED to be together, ALL THE TIME!!! Or texting, every few minutes!!
That tells me she doesn't really know me, or does, and just doesn't care how I feel, and I know we are not going to make it, from that point, and realization!
Some people love being together all the time, some don't. I'm one that needs my time, my way, and can't be with someone "CLINGY" that needs to be with me all the time.
That's one definition.
The other, is the insecure one, that NEEDS to always be close, or she is afraid you stopped loving her, at some point, because you need to go to the bathroom, ALONE!!!
Both are "Clingy" types. Does that make sense?

aWes0MeNeSs · Accepted Answer

My personal definition is that they have a constant need to be around you or at least the center of your attention at all times and can't stand to be away from you for any length of time. Most of the time, they're borderline obsessed if not already there.

Based on my personal definition, no, I would not like it. I require plenty of time to myself and would feel smothered and suffocated, and I like to spend one-on-one time with family and friends and most clingy people hate not being included 24/7. It's honestly one of the many reasons I don't want a relationship. I feel that many people are clingy, needy, and/or codependent in relationships and I can't stand it.

rose004b · Accepted Answer

I'm trying to answer without looking the word up. To me, someone clingy is a very emotionally dependent person. They don't give the other person space and make them feel suffocated with their behavior. When I imagine it, I think of a koala holding onto a person very tightly instead of a tree and it being annoying instead of cute.

I haven't dated anyone clingy, nor have I been clingy myself in a relationship. Feeling needed feels great, but feeling suffocated does not. So I'd say I wouldn't like it.

Desconhecida · Answer

I believe if we really like someone we won't ever find them clingy. When we are in love we want to be as close as possible all the time.

ZackBan · Answer

I believe "clingy" is a very thin line that separates detached from psycho.

Being clingy is ok. It means the person cares. I would rather get calls everyday from my girl than non at all.
But then you have those who pretty much move in even without being there.
The people who are always on your case. Asking you about every little detail and giving you their opinion on all of it, like for example telling you who you should or shouldn't befriend or what to wear going somewhere.
Those are not ok. It's fine to stick really close but we're still two people in the end.

But on a more serious note: is that dog wearing clothes?

ecfresh · Answer

An example of clingy behavior I have made before and why it is negative is a former employee of mine. I passed by his monitor one day while he was out and noticed a text chat with his wife. His wife happened to live at home because she couldn’t legally work in the US. She didn’t have any friends so he ended up having To chat with her all day long while still trying to do his job. I know he didn’t like this because we would talk at lunch with his fellow teammates and he would complain about not having alone time during the weekends and every 5 minutes if he was going to play a computer game she would come in and say she was bored.

So that’s my example of clingy behavior. Literally having to communicate with someone every 5 minutes for the entire day.

_SOARER · Answer

I think it's fine when a woman is clingy
That's a natural thing for most women to be
My definition for clingy is the urge to be with someone as much as possible
That's a good impulse for a relationship. Can it be overdone? Of course, if clinginess is going to disrupt the responsibilities of either person it becomes a disorder.

On the spectrum of 1-10
I am probably 6 on the clingy scale. When I am in a relationship I desire to be with the woman most of the time, but never push myself on to her, or let it get in the way of fulfilling my duties.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

As from my personal example me being the subject of it I look at is an obsession with little jealously Constantly thinking about the person getting to emotional and sensitive with relation to partner and completely focusing on them, I had been that guy I was strange combination of totally detached person to other but yet attached to the person I liked it took a great deal of ignoring and cutting ties to let go and be emotionless till I gained control of it although a certain part of it remains I have conquered most of it.
So basically it's having unrealistic expectation of your partner wishing they could think of you and the world revolves around you and they don't have or shouldn't have anything with great priority other than you
It's simple case of mishandled emotions and unrealistic expectations

Lliam · Answer

For me, clingy would imply over the top possessiveness, insecurity, jealousy or control. It would feel suffocating and toxic.
It's completely different from people who can't get enough of each other, love to spend time together, or show affection by holding hands or walking arm in arm in public.
Clingy, in the negative sense, seems pathological.

archiz · Answer

I don't like the term clingy
more of the term " suffocating"
it can happen... you just need to let the person know when you feel you need space.
Communication is key.
If my partner will tell me he needs me I need to take into account her feelings
but I should also be able to tell her how I feel.
If I need a bit time to compose or so.
Again communication is always the solution if someone just needs a bit of space.

TallAnon · Answer

I hate it. I had a girl that I wasn't even in a relationship with yet and if I was more than 10 minutes late replying to a message, she would start trying to guilt me into things and ask why I didn't want to talk to her and such. During work, while asleep, etc.

boggboss · Answer

For me it would be a girl that requires me to be constantly talking to her via text or phone with no space for me to have my own time sure texting is fine but if I say don't message her for a hour and she loses her shit I will be crazy put off

MountAverage · Answer

No mentally healthy person would like actual clinginess. A lot of people seem to be confusing enjoying spending a lot of affectionate time together with clinginess. Clinginess is unhealthy and the motivation behind it is always some kind of insecurity.
Not surprised so many users her claim to like it. Mostly inexperienelced people and ones who've been rejected a lot. They desperately crave affection and need so much reassurance by their partner that anything less that outright clinginess would make them lose their minds from severe anxiety. Very unhealthy!

sensible27 · Answer

Lack of privacy and space in desperation is what I would think of in first perception. There are certain unspoken rules to love and they must be learnt silently.

PeacefulRainDrop · Answer

I like clingy... I like to be held and caressed.. now if it gets to the point where things aren't getting done or in public there's a time and place for it

WowwGirl · Answer

I feel smothered like I can't breath, he won't every leave me alone, he always wants to know where I'm at. He wants to do nothing unless I'm involved, talk constantly never gives me a moment to myself

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I feel like it's a relationship where two or one person of the relationship  tend to want to be with that person all the time

Jjpayne · Answer

I'd say clingy can go and work in different ways. To me it can either be an unhealthy desire, supplementing for one not being met or just enjoying affection. I'd like a clingy person as long as a balance of space/boundaries and affection were met. We all need more space than we realize until we lose it :) so it's good to have a healthy balance of both

Elsa143 · Answer

Clinginess is necessary to nurture LOVE, Care and commitment. Don't you cling to your hobbies or favorite things?

BUT WHEN YOU'RE CLINGY just for the sake of timepass, hanging out, having sex, getting your tasks done from partner, restricting your partner to breathe in space for at least 4 hours, then IT'S WRONG AND SELFISH.
It's just because you're needy, have no other person to cling to and you USE people.

high5 · Answer

clingy to me is a bad thing. to me it means being insecure, paranoid and controlling and touchy because they're scared/need to feel in control instead of because they generally are happy and comfortable and touch me because of pure attraction 😁 so it's definitely unattractive

jgokgotit · Answer

Clingy, to me, is not being able to be apart from your partner. For example, a woman getting mad at a man for wanting to hangout with his friends. A relationship is two independent people who join together out of love. It is selfish to take up ALL of their time. I cannot stand clingyness.

Jemini_Crocket · Answer

I didn't vote cause clingy can be both good and bad in my opinion. The good kind consists of wanting to spend time with you a lot, be close, PDA and such while the bad kind of clingy is when they won't leave you alone even if you say you need time just for yourself or need attention 24/7 like a baby.

KingdomForAKiss · Answer

I like clingy, to an extent. I enjoy spending a lot of time with my person but I think we both need personal space and down time.

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