Do you think having really high standards in dating is a good thing because it may ensure you end up with only quality or do you think setting such a high bar just makes it so you're going to end up sad and alone always waiting for someone who is near perfection?
Raise the bar only up to what you are able to reciprocate yourself.
If you are college educated, you can require your partner to be college educated.
If you are extremely fit, you can require your partner to be very fit as well.
If you look like a model, you can require your partner to also look like a model as well.
If you’re a millionaire, you can require your partner to also be a millionaire themselves.
If you are absolutely loyal to your significant other, you can require that they also share that absolute loyalty.
Where it can get ridiculous is when a non-college educated, out of shape, average-looking, low wage, disloyal girl, is trying to get with someone who is the opposite of everything she is.
A 10 can attract a 10.
A 5 expecting to attract a 10 is really playing a game of chance.
And the odds are not in their favor at all.
So, raise the bar only as high as you yourself can meet.
I see your point, but men and women may excel in different areas. A woman who looks like a supermodel may be dirt poor, and the billionaire she goes out with might look like a bulldog’s rear end, but they’ve each found a partner with the qualities they’re looking for.
@MikeInHawaii True, they don’t have to match exactly, but they both need to bring enough to the table for the match to make sense. Like an invisible barter system. 20 chickens for 1 goat. Money for beauty. Otherwise, they will not be able to attract each other.
Two types of "standards" came to mind for some reason:
Physical standards and mental/moral/social/whatever "abstract" standards.
Physical standards - in an explicit way - are mostly something that men have toward women. "Wow! Nice tits!"
Physical standards - in an implicit way - are mostly what women have toward men. This is difficult to explain but it basically means that women (although it does also happen) don't see a six pack and say "oh wow what a six pack!" ONLY because it looks good but because they see a hidden, implicit message that it sends (healthy, cares about his health, is comfortable using his body...)
Mental/moral/... Standards: I think that if high standards are needed, they're these type of standards. confidence, loyalty, emotional strength and maturity, communication, etc. Some of the standards I mentioned are usually set by men towards women and some vice versa but they both can be applied in both directions.
Hope you found this helpful
Hmm 🤔. I believe in quality over quantity. It's better to have higher standards than not have any standards at all. However, I don't think you'll be alone, sad and depressed when you raise your standards. It may be a bit more challenging, but there is someone for everyone out there somewhere. I think you also need to be fair when it comes to standards/value. Everyone has flaws and no one can ever meet your every requirement.
Yes and no.
High standards for certain things, such as moral character, empathy, loyalty and healthy personality traits, but relaxed standards on silly preferences and statuses that change over time.
Character is who a person is, job, income and what car they drive are what they are. Who is the important question, as what changes like a costume.
Opinion
39Opinion
There are specific areas where you should have high standards: their morals and values.
Most people, though, are much more concerned with looks, status, popularity, etc., and readily sacrifice morals and values to get them - and then are surprised when their relationships go badly.
My financial and visual standards are not too high but my etiquette and behavioural standards are very high in a guy I date.
I feel you are coming at this from a completely unemotional side.
Standards of what?
That's so objective to each person.
Totally shallow Standards, but to each their own...
Good looks, money etc. Those things can be manipulated and manufactured.
And, no judgements hwre. So basically you need to make mlney.
Meet a chick who you love and pay to make what you want.
Buy her clothes etc.
You can't build a long term relationship on petty external things.
How do you feel that oersin
I think you should have really high standards emotionally. Like how much does the other person actually like you are they treating you well (I mean interpersonally not buying you a lot of shit or things like that) can you show your true self to them with your weaknesses and do they accept and love you or do you have to try and be strong all the time. Things like that. But when it comes to looks and career and status and things like that, I think wanting more and being greedy will be a problem more than a benefit.
I am going to assume "high standards" means setting your own boundaries.
Everyone should have standards for a lover:
There are all sorts of people you should avoid when you pursue dating. You need to find somebody with standards, morals, discipline, and a good lifestyle. But, I should also add one should not be a hypocrite and expect things from others in many aspects. Let's say I made only 30k a year, and wanted to marry a millionaire. That's just not happening.
You should always shoot for the best partner in dating. You're going to spend the rest of your life with them if you settle down. :)
Few have realistic standards when dating. It's an art, not a science.
Just because you want a six foot blonde, doesn't mean a six foot blonde wants you.
Likewise, you have to have an end plan. Too many people put 90% into getting a date, and then end up ghosted or "pumped and dumped" as they don't know how to proceed to get a second, or move into a relationship.
A date to hookup is very different from a date for a relationship. Tinder has confused a lot of kids into thinking they are the same.
Here's a creed I live by: never ask of others what you can't deliver yourself. Obviously men and women bring different things to a relationship, but you have to bring the complimentary trait. Want a statuesque hottie that looks like a magazine cover? You've gotta bring that energy as well. Want a socialite who goes to all the big parties and knows everyone? You've gotta shaking hands and kissing babies.
I have high standards in dating because I hold myself to high standards. The only problem comes up when the person that has high standards isn't bringing their A-game
I think it all depends on what you classify as "high standards". What may seem like High to me might not be high to you, or vice versa.
The way I see it is when you're in a relationship with someone you're not in it halfway. I'm either in it completely or not at all. Which means I do everything I can to make my partner happy. Because I trust she'll do the same for me, we're a team. So if I'm going to put all my energy into someone like that, it isn't going to be just anyone.
For men yes, because of the infestation of gold diggers looking for paternity fraud opportunities in the dating market. Men need to stop sleeping around.
For women, their standards are too high for 99% of men because their gold diggers. (6" tall minimum, must make 400k which is basically less than 1% of the male population when you put those two together. )
If you have reasonable standards, which can include saving sex for marriage. (That should put into perspective the scales of which I am talking about.)
Then you're doing alright.
Depends how you mean, I'm not going to budge when it comes to my expectations on how I will be treated and the morals they're going to present to the world.
But I can work with other things. I'm not going to judge someone who hasn't yet achieved their goals, as I am also a work in progress myself. Looking for perfection is unrealistic, I'd like to work with someone, encourage and support them in getting what they want out of life, and I expect them to do the same with me.
I feel like standards are developed over time. You can claim to have high standards all day but it doesn't mean anything if there is nothing of substance there. If there isn't a long history of experiences and reasons why your standards are one way or another.
Anything else is just standards you adopted from someone or somewhere else and they are only a cookie cutter that doesn't fit every person.
I would say more so the ability to do the opposite if every standard but one. Is checked off I'd say people should learn to be willing to take the risk rather than just blow someone off cause they aren't the 0.000000000000001% dream ideal person. Like if you pick no one cause your standards are so extraordinarily impossible. Then your chances of finding an other half becomes equally impossible.
Over my many years of experience watching people, most people who are married or in relationships are able to be so simply due to the fact they have low standards. My mother married a man that I personally would never want to marry. All my female friends are dating guys that are short, poor, drug dealers, losers, man whores, single dads.
I'm the only one not in a relationship because I have high standards.
I honestly think that standards are all about what is important to you and making that your priority. So the answer to your question is yes certainly have high standards and stick by them. This means certainly don't settle for anything less than what you want because you only know what you want and what kind of person is good for you.
Like MrOracle said the only standards that should be high are that you two share the same values.. Everything should be within your realistic realm.. If you look good, then it's fine to expect somebody around your level of looks more of less, same with everything else.. But also outside of shared values, just leaving room for somebody you are attracted to and click with is much better..
Yes, these days I have some pretty high standards when dating which makes it difficult to date.
(1.) Be a biological female
(2.) Don't have a criminal record
You might think I'm joking here, but this has been a problem multiple times before, namely with point 2.
I think you need to have really high standards for relationship, and certain minimum requirements before you'd accept a date from someone or ask them on one.
Seeing as women currently judge 80% of men as below advantage, their standards are at this point delusional. Thus guaranteeing nearly all of them will either dramatically lower their standards to reflect reality or be alone doing everything all by themselfs.
I think you need to have realistic standards. So many men and women are searching for unicorns. Others are dead beats searching for standards that they themselves don't posses. If you are 35, never had a job, live with your parents, and all you bring are hopes and dreams then you need to be realistic with your standards. Standards are great but not the end all be all.
My standards are high but I lowered them for a guy that treats me average and I'm ok with that because I'm not a great person (I'm a bitch and passive aggressive).
I think it's important to have "your" standards. What subjects those standards are subject to may deserve a bit of flexibility. I never had a cookie cutter image of who would be most appealing to me and it has served me well.
People should they highest standards they can get away with while still being able to actually get dates. The problem many women have today is that they think they are higher value than they actually are, and those women are the ones who either recognize their mistake when they are too old to have the options they had when they were younger, or they end up sad and alone, as you said.
Somehow…both husbands have what I am looking for. Quality men.
Go for what you want. Don’t settle for less…also be realistic. Age matters in this case.
Women have the highest standards in so called dating
6 feet
6 inch d
6 figures
666 number of the devil
Don't scream where are the good men when you only look for 666
Facts
Who is to say what is high, and what are low standards?
I think a low standard is saying I'm willing to date literally anyone. Let's hope you have some parameters that say preclude you from dating like a known serial rapist. That's a dramatic example, but that is still "a" standard.
Having fair standards is what is necessary. If the standards are gonna be high then they have to be a reflection of the current life you live and not what you want
Unless your great at relationships with others why stress on dating selectivity standards. There's a thing about melding together as you two adjoin in a relations with each other. No such thing as push button perfection.
The higher the standards, the lower the chance of you finding a partner especially if those standards are not reciprocal to what you can bring to the table.
I think women probably should, at the very least.
Yup. I won’t date/marry just anyone. Granted, no one is perfect, but at the same time, I won’t settle just because I’m tired of being single.
I do feel that way. But most just when it comes to compatibility. I need a woman who I can resonate with when it comes to core beliefs and values.
Having high standards is fine but
1) you should try to meet those standards yourself too.
2) you need to actively meet people. Try new things, go new places, meet new people.
If you set your standards too high, you set yourself up for disappointment.
No. I just have some standards that are flexible and some that are rigid but none are particularly high.
Make do with what you have available. And last time I checked if you keep raising the bars less and less people available to marry
Having high standar is fine but u also need to be high quality person , so it would be realistic.
What? Lol.. nothing wrong with having standards weeds out the bad apples. Rather be alone than with someone who does and has the bar minimum
*bare
Its not wrong to prioritise your emotions in dating instead of going around with a shopping list.
It's important to have high, but realsitic standards.
I only require that a woman be as intelligent as an adult dog and a baddie
you're 40 and on this shit site. you failed whatever you did.
Not high but just yours. Although, be pliable.
I think you need to have reasonable, realistic standards. So maybe in the middle
I think men having high standards is good, I think women having high standards is not good.
Its not about the standards but the soul harmony
Excellence all the way!
You just gotta be realistic and practical.
As long as she is faithful I will be happy.
What do you consider as “high standard”?
You can't ask what you can't offer
I have very high standards
Yes i think
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