Why would someone act this way?

[Anonymous]

I have broken up with and gotten back together 5 times with my boyfriend thanks to his insistance and chase and begging which eventually has made me go back to him for the sixth time.

I have told him I don't like him, I have told him I don't love him. I have told him I don't see a future with him. I even told him it was not a serious relationship for me. Yet, he wants to stay with me and get engaged with me. Everyday he asks me to meet each other's families and make our relationship official despite me saying that I don't want such a thing.

Everytime we broke up, he would start to come around my neighbourhood, and even chase after me. He would even come near my house to ask me to get back together. I always refused, and even told him not to come around anymore. But he wouldn't stop. He would insist until I would change my mind again. Only to break up with him again after some time.

I mean, what's wrong with him? He says he can't forget about me and loves me. I feel like he doesn't care how I feel about him as long as I stay in a relationship with him. Why he acts like this?

[TenderFantasy]

He's harrasing you at this point. If you truly don't want anything to do with him, you have to file a restraining order. This allows it to be ILLEGAL to get into contact with you on ANY LEVEL (I think it includes telephone too? Or mail? Not real sure, but I know it includes no physical contact).

You're lucky. My last ex HATES my guts and destroyed/sabotaged what could have been something good and special.

But if this also you truly don't feel love or even care for him, then what really, truly, is the point? He's just annoying you like a fly at this point. He needs to get the picture and the more he is doing it, the sadder and more pathetic he will appear to be! He needs to let go if it is really finished. It takes two (unfortunately/fortunately) to make ANY relationship work. Good luck. If you have ANY kind bone in your body, you'll let him off easy. Some people don't take rejection well. It leaves maybe even a permanent scar on them. People aren't always truly reapleacable. GOOD LUCK like I said!

[TenderFantasy]

Not yelling with that last part by the way, I am just trying to emphasize my point.

[Asker]

I have broken up with him many times now. Yes I'll let him off easy but I don't know how he'll take it this time. I don't wanna hurt him but he has to move on. Thanks!!!

[Oliverlogan263]

Here's what I think is happening with your dude:

He's clearly got it bad for you. Like, totally hooked. Even though you keep telling him it's not serious and don't want the same things, he's like obsessed with the idea of being with you.

Some possibilities for why he acts this way:

- Low self-esteem. He doesn't feel like he can do better than you so he clings on hard even when you push him away.

- Control issues. He doesn't like when you break up cause then he's not in control of the situation. Gotta chase you to reclaim that power.

- Immaturity. Chasing you around and begging is basically him throwing a temper tantrum cause he's not getting his way. He needs to grow up.

- Emotional issues. Maybe he's got some abandonment or dependency stuff from his past that makes it hard for him to let go even when you're not feeling it.

The bottom line is, his behavior is NOT cool and super disrespectful of your boundaries and feelings. You gotta lay down the law sis - no means NO, for good! Block him if you have to. You don't deserve to be stressed like this. Tell him to kick rocks and find someone who actually wants what he's selling.

[Asker]

I agree with your points. I can say that low self esteem, immaturity, and emotional issues are facts. I've seen them happening.

Not only it is disrespectful to me, but he lack self-respect in the first place. I have actually blocked him and he contacted my friends and asked them why I blocked him, and even told them to convince me to talk to him. It's crazy how he had asked 2 of his friends to watch me during the time I had him on blocked. The cycle repeats - break up, make up. He says he won't give up until I say yes to marrying him. I don't know if this will ever end.

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, that is crazy possessive and disrespectful behavior on his part. Blocking and still trying to contact you through friends, plus having other people spy on you? Not cool at all.

It really shows he has some serious self-esteem and control issues if he won't even respect your boundaries like that. Keeping you in this ongoing break up/make up cycle against your will is super unhealthy too.

The fact that he says he won't stop pestering you until you agree to marry him is a big red flag. That level of obsession is not okay or normal. At this point it sounds like the dude could even become dangerous if he keeps escalating like that.

I think you really need to take steps to firmly cut him off for good to protect yourself. Make it clear to your friends not to give him any info about you too. And if he keeps harassing you after blocking, you might need to consider a restraining order so he gets the message loud and clear. Your safety should be the top priority now. Hope it doesn't come to that, but don't mess around either - get this toxic guy completely out of your life asap!

[ProbablyClueless]

He just sounds insecure and needy. Might be mildly dependent on you.

There are a surprising number of people out there who genuinely have no idea who they are outside the context of being in a relationship.

[Asker]

Thats crazy!

[ProbablyClueless]

It really is! But, that's the wacky world we live in.

[TenderFantasy]

I think it depends on the age of the partner and how long they have been together. There are so many contributing factors. But yeah, I agree with you.