How do I know if they’re worth my time dating?

[Anonymous]

I just met this guy in December and he seems really nice. Easy to talk to, remembers the little things, and we have a lot of the same interests. He does vape and drink which I don’t do so it’s a bit of a turn off with those. I feel really comfortable with him and we hung out yesterday at his place watching movies and stuff, cuddled of course, and I thought it was nice. But today he asked if I actually have feelings for him, he said he was just second guessing himself. I do like him, but the drinking and vaping is a big thing and I’ve only been out with him a few times so I don’t have a say. I not used to all of this relationship stuff (never actually dated anyone), and I’m very much an introvert so now I’m also overthinking everything…. Has anyone been in a similar situation? If so, how’d it turn out? I don’t want to waste my or his time.

[19magic]

There's so much information missing here that it's hard to actually give an honest answer you say vape but if that vaping weed, is that just vaping or is that vaping cause he smoked in the past and it's for the nicotine. As I've had friends who's vaped without nicotine as they found it relaxing.

Next you say drinking is this going to the pub and watching footie with the boys with a couple of pints. Is this enjoying a few shots of whisky in the comfort of his home while watching movies or playing games. Is this getting hammered every Friday and Saturday night. Is this drinking a pint or two every night.

If we were talking about myself you could say I drink, but if I were to state the times this year I've drank it's either been with family - having a couple of pints while watching the England matches, or at a meal out I might have a pint, at night time I might have a couple of pints with a mate of mine while we chat and play games, or I might get quite drunk on the rare night out (happened a total of 3 times this year - 23). Drinking means so many things to different people and I don't know what part if not all that you're against.

[antelope51]

It's good to give him feedback... for the next one. But he needs to make the decision to quit that stuff himself. If you give him ultimatums, it will never work. He may legitimately try to quit, but he'll screw up a few times and then think he's pulling one over on you even though you can taste one cigarette on him a week later. (And yes, you can—dunno about vaping, but the point is that's the first step into lying/secrets territory, and even if he's mostly honest, you will never truly trust him).

Just tell him this is what you're not keen on, and then he can clean up his act and start fresh with someone new. But don't think that you'll fix him. Who you get at the beginning of a relationship sets the precident for the rest of it. If you met him while he was smoking/drinking, that's who you'll be stuck with.

[Whitewulf]

Wait, your statement “ you don’t have a say” is the difference between knowing and will never know. What is wrong with literally saying what’s on your mind.
He obviously likes you and straight up asked you because he wants to know where he stands with you. I’m guessing because of your dislike of his habits you might have shown (unknowingly) some hesitancy or mixed messages that he picked up on.
why not just say “ yes I’m interested in you but I don’t really care for the vape and drinking. At least this way you’ll know. He’s either going to say oh ok well that’s just who he is and enjoys it. Those are your walking papers. OR maybe he says I was thinking about quitting that crap anyways and now I have good reason. Now you get a chance to get to know him without hang ups.

just my opinion

[DarkWinterNights]

Only you can make that determination. There are some things that bother you about him, but you have to make the decision on whether it’s worth breaking up over it. You can’t expect him to change for you, he has to make that choice as well. I would take a step back and see if you mesh on a personal level. With as little information as you provided, I’m not seeing anything that the two of you can’t overcome if you really like eachother.

[Avicenna]

If you have concerns at this stage, it's probably not going to work out

[TheGuyWhoKnowsStuff]

Drinking in moderation is so common that you will be hard pressed to find a guy who doesn't drink. They exist but one you'll be attracted to? Very rare. Vaping is problematic because people self-dose with nicotine and the levels are crazy high as a result but it can also call spontaneous respiratory failure and be life threatening. You really can't do much about that. Accept him as is or move on.

[TheSpaceGnome]

"seems really nice. Easy to talk to, remembers the little things, and we have a lot of the same interests." = green flags

"does vape and drink which I don’t do" = red flags

What you want is every desired green flag, and no red flags.

[DreamLife7]

You just met him in December obviously on the internet and now you're saying you two are in a relationship and obsessing like a psycho. He never Said he was in a relationship with you and why are u obsessing over some guy u just met over the internet? It's weird

[OddBeMe]

Hang out more and get more data. “Settling” gets a bad rap. It’s not disregarding what you want. It’s finding out which are most important. Vaping might not be that big a deal. Or he may tone it down whilst around you.

I sometimes smoke when my wife is out and spray myself down after like a level three biohazard.

[KittygosMeoWW]

Gut instincts, if you get butterflies it usually means he’s triggering something that makes you nervous or is hot and cold. If you feel calm usually they end up being good guys. I don't know though I have a shitty track record lol.

[exitseven]

You have an expectation that your ideal partner is somebody that does not vape or drink alcohol.. it appears this guy is not ideal. Only you can decide what to do from here

[sheikalana]

Is way too early to say if you have feelings for someone. But if the vaping and drinking really bothers you maybe that means is not going to work long term. Depends what you both want.

[DextroShade]

Does he drink to the point of getting obnoxious or really out of it? Unless he does it sounds like you are being too picky as every guy you meet is going to have things about him you don't like.

[boobliker]

if you don't want to put up with those dump him quickly, as you will both get very hurt the longer you leave it

me I would say thats not bad, a drink and a smoke

[Iron_Man]

It’s too early to get feelings for somebody on the first date just be honest with him and have more dates, but you have to tell him you don’t like is vaping and drinking

[Anonymous]

is this in germany?

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆