In a lot of cultures (mine included) you’ll be considered as “left overs” if you’re still single and not married by a certain age, especially if you’re a woman which lead to a lot of people facing immense peer pressure to settle down. Does this apply to you?
Boys are pressured by society in general, not to marry per sec, but to SUCCEED financially so that you even have the possibility to attract a woman. Except for those lucky enough to be born very good-looking, men need to have money and resources to attract a girl in most cases, and the expectations grow rapidly with age.
Women are pressured by their biology (fertility) and their innocence/inexperience, which are the main things men value in a relationship partner. The fertility part should be obvious, and the inexperience part is because men inherently understand what studies have since proven, which is that as women have more partners, their likelihood to be able to stay in a relationship plummets. A virgin is over 80% likely to be happy in her marriage after 10 years, while a woman with 5 partners is only 30% likely to be happy after 10 years. This is because she's going to be comparing the best of all her past partners against her current one, and few men can survive that kind of comparison. Dan may be a great guy in a hundred ways, but Steve made more money, and Jack was more fit, and Brian had a more prestigious career, and Martin was a better dancer. Soon, Dan doesn't seem so great...
I agree with everything except for this part “ This is because she's going to be comparing the best of all her past partners against her current one”. I’ve only had 2 serious relationships previously, learned a lot from those, so the next time I look for a new relationship I always up my standard in order to find someone better than my previous so I won’t settle for a guy who is less than my previous. (This is just me tho)
But yeah the biological clock is what worries me, I’m still in my late 20s and not looking to settle down anytime soon. My boyfriend is also still focusing on his career and I don’t want to ruin his focus by getting married, we’re just cruisin rn but I’m approaching my 30s so it got us both thinking lol
"so the next time I look for a new relationship I always up my standard in order to find someone better than my previous so I won’t settle for a guy who is less than my previous."
This is the correct thing to do, IF your standards are about the guys morals, values, and life-goals.
The problem is that most girls "raise their standards" by wanting a guy who is better looking, taller, makes more money, has a higher status job, etc. - all shallow things that have nothing to do with morals, values, or life goals. But even then, the more partners you have, the more impossible it will be to meet a guy who is better than your previous boyfriends IN EVERY AREA. Even a fantastic guys is going to have a couple of areas that your past boyfriends will beat him at, and that's what creates the wedge in the relationship that eventually becomes a canyon. Guys understand this, and guys have, by far, the most to lose if things go wrong (i. e., if she decides that, for any reason, she isn't happy).
Totally! I don’t pay attention to the “materials”. I focus on finding someone who is emotionally mature and not toxic, I’ve learned what to watch out for based on my previous relationships.
Bcs like you said, if you look for a partner based on their wealth, looks, etc your standards are gonna get so high that it’ll be unrealistic and impossible lol I’m lucky though that my current boyfriend is super hot and such an awesome man, he has his issues of course (so do I) but we openly communicate about our expectations and how we both can strive to meet them. But we’ve definitely both “upgraded” from our previous relationships lol
Not at all , I am pretty much over relationships for the most part , mainly because I been burned to many times to the point relationships to me is just a temporary thing , I am not giving up on them just not rushing into one until I meet a girl that proves to me she is in it for the long haul and not the short haul , sadly most girls’ I have met say they are in it for the long haul but they lied. So until I meet a girl that isn’t secretly in a relationship with someone else , my ass is staying single
Yes it’s better to take it slow rather than rushing into a marriage just bcs you’re “crunched in time”, I feel like a lot of people fell into that trap
Sadly it’s a tough pill to swallow but one thing I learned about relationships is you and your partner need to be each others’ top priority over everyone else including kids , if you are not a top priority to your partner , you are best to pack your bags and leave , you should never be an option to someone that claims they love you , sadly most people get into relationships thinking they want love and respect and loyalty and honesty , but for that to happen it needs to go both ways , if it doesn’t , then you are best to have a sit down talk with your partner and express your feelings of concern , if nothing changes? You are best to pack your bags and leave and find yourself someone that wants to prioritize you. With my experiences in relationships , I am usually her top priority in the beginning but as time goes on , I eventually become an option , when I become an option , she becomes one as well.
Perfectly said! Relationships and love is an every day choice, both parties have to choose to actively maintain it on the daily so I couldn’t agree more with what you said
No relationship is perfect , but when you wear your partners shoes the same way they should be wearing yours that’s where love grows , If a relationship turns one sided and your partner never admits to any of their wrong doings? Then that should be your answer to walk away. When someone truly loves you , they don’t hesitate to fix whatever is broken between you , if they hesitate and try to point fingers back at you , then they don’t love you , they like the convenience of you , because sadly you are just an option to them , they might string you along and act like everything is fine and dandy but the truth is they are just afraid to be alone , but once they find another sucker , they will kick ya to the curb and act like they were this victim the whole time and point fingers at you , that you were this horrible person. So they can justify their selfish behavior and actions. When a partner can’t follow boundaries , that you both set together they are a selfish person that only thinks about themselves, you are best to tell them to Go fuck themselves and walk away , double standards do not work in any relationship, what you do t want your partner doing to you , needs to go for you as well, not the other way around. I dated girls’ that set boundaries with me that expected me to follow those boundaries but didn’t think for a second that she had to as well , and that’s when I walked away. Never waste your time with someone that can’t prioritize you the same way they expect you to prioritize them , you will only be hurting yourself when you eventually realize they never really cared about you , they just liked the convenience of you. Sadly most girls’ I been with have this selfish mindset and then they keep wondering why they can’t last in a relationship.
I don’t feel I need an early marriage to have kids cause there is always surrogacy and I believe I’m young enough to give birth still. One pressure I do have is finding a good single guy before they are all married off. There are older women who only chase married men cause they figure it’s impossible for a man her age to be single if he is attractive. As a Christian, I can’t take from that pool of men, I have to find the subset that is still single yet attractive.
Oh for sure, the dating pool gets smaller and smaller each year you get older and that sucks… but I’m sure you’ll meet a guy that fits your criteria soon enough!
If it’s a cultural thing, then it needs to take its course I’d say.
Lots of western countries don’t enforce cultures on their kids. So for myself, as a western person… I don’t feel the pressure.
I’m very content on my own not married and even said “no” on two separate occasions.
My family hasn’t judged me and in fact they are happy I’m happy.
That is great that you are content! A lot of people struggle with this. And it is a "plus" that a lot of families don't enforce this on their adult kids.
Yes I agree! I do want to get married one day but I will do it only when I’m ready, I’m still in my late 20s and I definitely don’t want to settle down just yet. What about you, are you planning to settle down in the future or are you not about the married life tho?
It’s not for me. I’ve had relationships and it only made me feel exhausted, used, and as a servant. And I got a Disease from it. So I can’t seem to see any benefits from being with someone.
Oh I see, I’m glad you managed to figure that all out though. Definitely gotta prioritize your well being over everything else, best of luck to you in life xx
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20Opinion
For me, I didn't feel pressure by family or friends, but I did feel some internal angst about it. I was almost 37 when I met my wife and 38.5 when we got married. Honestly, though, I wish I had remained single. Just when I met my wife, I was really beginning to appreciate my life in the adult working world and trending toward living my life on my own. I was ecstatically happy, but it was a good path for me to minimize pain and, later as I realized, maximize my freedom which I learned all too late is very underrated. Love is mostly bullshit; freedom is not.
Yep I feel like some people do better at being alone and unchained
I sometimes feel like that part of my life is over. I've had a few girlfriends in the past, and I almost got married to one of them. The girl cheated on me on our wedding day and ran off to Indiana to meet a guy, who she eventually tried to have babies with. I have low self-esteem and sometimes feel that I'm not good enough or attractive enough for another girlfriend.
Sometimes I think either all the nice girls are taken, and the ones that are single wouldn't want me I've had a lot of girls in the past use me also. I do feel though sometimes the older I get, the less chances I'll have of finding someone. This town I live in now is full of drug addicts and a lot of the girls sell themselves to buy drugs. There are overdoses in this area every week. So, the area I live in doesn't make it any easier to find a decent girl. It does seem hopeless at times.
I am 29 years old, in three months I will be 30, I often hear some people asking me why I am single, in my culture even single men are not well liked, I do not feel the need to get engaged, it is not a priority at the moment, of course I would be very happy if I could find the right girl.
For the time being I just want to dedicate myself, then if I can find a partner, welcome.
Same in my culture, both single men and women over the age of 30 are sometimes judged. But you’re right, focus on yourself while you’re young and able, the right girl will come along!
Stop listening to other's people opinion. Do they pay your bills? Being single is much more fun than being committed to someone. Enjoy your freedom, and travel, get out of your comfort zone. Challenge yourself at something new.
I've been single my whole life and its not been that nuch fun! I pretty much get ignored everywhere. I want someone to actually have my back!
I’m still in my late 20s and thankfully my parents aren’t pressuring me to settle down anytime soon but I’ve seen friends who are in their 30s getting depressed over being unmarried /:
Im partly depressed cos no1 seems to give a f about me n my health lol
when I was single in that age group no I never felt any pressure at all to settle down.
I was free to come and go as pleased, traveled go laid when I wanted to.
My needs were pretty well met.
I just never had the daddy ne in me so I was never looking to have kids.
That’s awesome for you! Marriage is definitely not for everyone, it’s just society creating unnecessary pressure and painting a false image of what marriage life is all about
Guys don't really feel the same pressure because we can always get some 20 something who has a daddy kink.
Thank goodness, I'm autistic and finding a suitable mate is not easy. Sure, finding people initially isn't that hard but it's keeping them and having them actually be good for you long term that's rare..
That seems to be the trend with guys. Most of my friends are getting worried bcs they’re still single in their 30s tho lol
That’s also a very good point (being autistic or not), meeting people is easy - it’s a matter of keeping them and finding one that’s a good match for you that’s the hard part…
This only applies to women because the things that make them valuable to men (beauty, innocence, fertility) are diminished by that age. Men at that age are usually just starting to hit their stride and acquire the things that make them attractive to women (money, status, competence).
Kevin Samuels said it best: "If you are over 35 and you are not married, you are a leftover woman. You are what is left. Men know there is likely something wrong with you."
Lmao I’m 20 and I find men over 35 gross and creepy.
There ain’t no way I’m looking their way unless they are rich or can add substantial value to my life.
I find guys my age attractive or slightly older, same goes for most of my female peers.
Y’all are delusional and it’s getting funny.
@Nefertity112 wow literally you just proved my point, most men who are rich are over 35. If a young guy is rich he probably isn't looking for anything serious and will just fuck you and Chuck you.
@Nefertity112 You are approaching your peak SMV in about 3-5 years. After your peak you will realize you are not as hot, charming, smart, funny, as you think you are. This is a brutal awakening for most women.
@KrakenAttackin LMAOOOOO
@KrakenAttackin My life doesn’t revolve around “smv” first of all.
And second of all, no woman around me ever struggled with dating or attracting men, and certainly not in her 20s, no matter where she stands in her 20s.
This whole SMV bullshit is just incel’s propaganda due to them hoping for some sort of karma on women, due to them feeling bitter because of constantly getting rejected by women.
Sorry boo, no matter how hard you try, you won’t make us settle for your ugly broke dusty crusty pathetic ass.
@DextroShade MOST men n over 35 are NOT rich
@Nefertity112 "My life doesn't revolve around SMV", not yet it doesn't, but it will. 😂😂😂😂
@KrakenAttackin no it won’t 😘😘 stay mad😌
@Nefertity112 You are 20 and have it all figured out. Here's a tip sweetie, the cock carousel doesn't last and won't make you happy in the long run. But, I know you can't tell women shit, so enjoy the humping.
@KrakenAttackin I’m a virgin lmao but stay mad lol 😂😂😂😂😂
@Nefertity112 Sure honey.
From a biological stand point it makes perfect sense! A woman’s fertility and her change of carrying a healthy full term pregnancy after 35 kinda plummets. In my Asian culture tho, man over the age of 35 (despite having a successful career) are still looked down upon if they’re single bcs they’re expected to be the “leader” of a family and if they can’t even lead/build a family then people doubt their ability to lead/build a business (weird correlation I know)
Not everyone wants children Susan.
And let’s be for real, most incels who push this age propaganda are talking from a “SMV” standpoint, they are not talking about children. It’s a scare tactic from them to trap women into settling for questionable male creatures instead of taking the time to find the right match for them.
@Nefertity112 you ride the cock carousel into your 30's then since you have it all figured out at 20. There's no way you will end up dying alone and being eaten by your cats 🤣🤣🤣
No I don’t think we as men are pressured to get married. We tend to have a longer shelf life lol I think it’s more so women because they’re concerned about having children, Mother Nature, their looks, etc. I think there’s more pressure on me. To be successful to find someone because most women aren’t going to be w a bum.
Yeah perfectly said tbh!
Yes you are right in certain cultures what you have mentioned is true. If you are referring to pressure coming from parents then yes there is pressure from them to settle down.
However, I have always been single and my decision is final and I don't care how much pressure is there but this is my life and I am going to lead it the way I see it as right.
I am as settled down as one can get. I own my house & vehicle free of any payments I have been working at the same job for 10 years what else would I need. Some think I should be married. But why?
Exactly, society seems to assume that getting married is the “end goal”
I don't feel pressure from society. Or even friends and family. But I do recognize the clock. And I do kinda want to have sex with my wife before she's old -- and before I'M old!!
Lol yeah, better enjoy the benefits of having a youthful stamina while you can!
Exactly. I'm sorry, but it's just practical!
yes, definitely (im 34 now but i think its ok for me to answer)
I however can't... I can't just settle and accept as other people can, wish I could to have someone to build liffe with and feel normal
@devilish-cutie You can't what?
@Jamie05rhs can't settle
@devilish-cutie What are your requirements?
@Jamie05rhs looks and him being a decent person w good values
@devilish-cutie That's fair. What are your expectations for the way that he looks?
@Jamie05rhs I look above average and am attracted to men above average looking as well. I like men that are tall, sporty... but bottom line i need to find him physically and sexually attractive, if we vibe we vibe, its hard to define that.
@devilish-cutie Hmm. So maybe check out the FCA? (I know you're in Europe, though.)
@Jamie05rhs I don't know whats FCA?
Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Basically gym bros, but they have morals. It seems like the perfect combination for what you're looking for. :)
@Jamie05rhs haah yeah true sounds about right ahahah tnx for trying to help! What would be your ideal woman?
@devilish-cutie You're very welcome! 🤗
My ideal woman is probably someone like Aubrey Plaza.
What do you like about her?
Her personality. She's just so REAL! And I think it's absolutely adorable.
Yeah, i like people that are real as well, hope u find someone like that!
Thank you!
no it's more like i spent my life until this point alone. so might as well spend the rest of it alone.
Being alone can be super peaceful but being lonely is a whole different thing I feel
I don't know what it feels like to be with someone so at least I can't miss it.
No pressure. But does feel lonely at times. Would just like to meet the "right one" finally. So we can share life and grow old together.
Yeah I can understand, sometimes you just yearn for a human companion… what would you consider to be the “right one” tho? Are you still meeting people but they just don’t meet the criteria or any you not even finding anyone to begin with?
No, I don;t participate in cultural pressures. I do what I want.
I do want a wife, but not because anyone says I should. In fact most people try to discourage me from it because they are divorced and cynical.
You are not left overs if you have t been used maybe about to expire but not even find the right mate don’t settle for trash (unless u r trash)
I think my folks have just accepted that I probably won’t give them grandkids lol.
I've never felt pressured to do that. In a way, I WISH someone would do that!
I DON'T FEEL PRESSURE I JUST FEEL there's NO HOPE FOR ME
:( why do you feel that way?
I didn't, but especially if you plan to have kids it's a VERY good idea to get on that ASAP because it just gets a LOT tougher from that point on out.
Nope , let them think or do or fear it doesn't get me
I have and feel a bit of pressure but not from society, just my mom.
No cos everyone tells me not to bother 😭
I can’t even decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing 🥲
Bad, i want a boyfriend n never had 1 be4
It’s never too late, some people just happen to find love later on in life
Ye but y pll making out i should never find anyone
This person yesterday was even claiming ill not find a decent 1.. well i won't get with anyone who isn't
N they say my dad is decent... Clearly they dont judge that well. My dad isn't decent, if i find 1 he'll b the opposite
I mean realistically the dating pool would be much much smaller (and more competitive) which is why people are probably just skeptical about you meeting someone decent. Some of my friends even resorted to hiring a matchmaker lol
But it can and does still happen. My aunt didn’t get married until she was 39/40ish
Still to write it off is ridiculous. The guys I've liked r decent, i just either ruined it or didn't show i liked them enough
I dont like guys who r horrible anyway. Theyve been really nice to me n help me etc i just dunno how to behave around them due to low confidence n lack of experience
Yeah people can be so negative sometimes… at least you’re aware of the things that you need to work on (your confidence) so that’s a great start! Maybe once you’ve gained some more confidence, you’ll finally meet the person that you’ve been hoping for!
Ye which is y I've been asking people to take me out places n get away from my mother she can b so mean 😭can u take a look at my previous qs?
Okay I’ll take a look! And good luck on your dating journey xx
Sometimes yes
I am not ready
You are still fine
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