Losing hope that I’ll ever find someone and get married, is there something wrong with me?

[s_lynn22]

I’m 22 and I’ve never had a boyfriend before. I never even went on a date. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I even told my grandmother that I don’t think that I’ll ever find someone or I’ll ever get married. And she said, “ you say that now but maybe you will.” And I told her that I don’t believe that. I’m literally losing hope at this point. It’s like I don’t want to be know as just this girl that goes to college. But it seems like that’s my life. I used to dream about finding someone and getting married and having a family. But I’m getting to where I don’t think of that anymore. People say I’m very sweet, softspoken, a little shy, funny, smart, and motherly. Also I’m pretty curvy. It’s just I feel like maybe I’m not meant to be with someone as I hoped, and I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. And I know my mom doesn’t want me to be by myself forever, but I feel like that’s how it’s going to be for me.

[Anonymous]

Sorry in advance for the long story:
Girl, I was you when I was 22. I had the same exact thoughts going through my head. I watched a handful of my friends get married and start families and I felt like there was something wrong with me because I was still single. I felt unseen and unwanted.
But one day, something amazing happened…I turned 25. And that was the year I had my first boyfriend. But there was a problem, it wasn’t a good fit. He was just a little too “hands on” if you catch my drift. So I made the decision to re-enter the single life. I knew I still wanted to be married, so I waited.
Then I turned 28. And another guy came along. He was a little bit better than the last, but not by much. He was old fashioned, which was nice…but he was also a hoarder. Not my idea of a match made in heaven.
Then I turned 29. And a really great guy came along. He was fun to talk to, he made me laugh…but then reality struck. It turned out he wasn’t really attracted to me. That devastated me. I remember crying to my parents and feeling like I was ugly. Maybe if I was thinner than he would have stayed. Maybe if I didn’t have glasses. Maybe if I was someone else.

But God had other plans. He wanted me to wait another 2 weeks. Then I met my current boyfriend and for the first time the hope of marriage is becoming reality. Was all the waiting worth it? Was all the heartache worth it? Absolutely! The thing is, none of us really know when our moment to shine comes. Some are ready straight out of high school, and there are some, older than me, who are still waiting. There are even those who miss the days when they were single and long to go back. Your single years are a gift. It’s the time to figure out who you are, what you want, and it’s the time to guard your heart from those who would seek to hurt you. There is nothing wrong with being 22 and single. Just like there is nothing wrong with being 23 and single. It’s just not the right time yet. But you’ll get there.

[MrOracle]

"People say I’m very sweet, softspoken, a little shy, funny, smart, and motherly."

If this is true (I have no idea and no way to know, but I'll take you at your word), then you probably only have two obstacles:

1. You are probably trying to meet guys online. Don't. That's a waste of your time. Instead, GO OUTSIDE and meet LOCAL guys IN PERSON. Go to the park. Walk your dog. Find reasons to get out of the house. If at all possible, get involved in a couple of activities that are coed and where you already enjoy or have some interest in the activity: a bowling league, a cooking class, a camping group, a car club, a movie club, or whatever else you can find in your area. DO NOT go for guys outside your area - you want to date someone who is, ideally, less than 10 minutes of travel time from you, and definitely no more than 20 minutes.

2. Your standards (for things that ultimately don't matter nearly as much as you imagine) are too high - AND probably your standards for the things that REALLY matter are too low. If you are looking for a HUSBAND, you have to eliminate all men who are not already looking for a serious, committed, long-term relationship. That's almost certainly going to eliminate MOST of the hottest, most popular guys. Accept that. Instead, your focus should be on a man's morals, values, and life-goals, because THOSE are the things that are going to REALLY matter after 6 months, much less 6 years together. It doesn't matter how handsome a guy is, if he doesn't have good morals and values, or doesn't share your life goals, you will be miserable with him after the "honeymoon period" when you give him a pass for all of his faults because of his good looks. Eventually, his looks, his height, his money, his status, his education, his career, etc., all become unimportant if his morals, values, and life-goals don't align with yours.

Expect this process to be WORK. You have to make an EFFORT to leave the house and get involved in things outside your bedroom and off of your phone - but that's what is going to give you success: doing the work.

You are at the very peak of your "market value" for a man looking for a serious relationship, so you shouldn't have too much trouble finding a suitable man - the problem is that you're also going to attract a bunch of unsuitable men in the process, and you have to be strong enough to filter them out - ESPECIALLY the hot, dreamy guys who give you all the feels, because they almost certainly won't have the morals, values, and life-goals you are looking for. You MUST be proactive about essentially "interviewing" men during your early dates with them to see what their morals, values, and life-goals are - and you have to ask plenty of questions and not just take their first answer at face value. Most people will give their true selves away with a bit of conversation, and you've got to be strong enough to end relationships when they don't meet your standards (morals, values, and life-goals).

If you don't live in a place where there are enough single men in your age range - maybe you live in a tiny rural town - you may have to move, but DO NOT fall to the temptation of using dating apps, because that will NOT work. Meet LOCALS in PERSON.

[Tim2nice]

Marriage is overrated. I been there and hated it. Enjoy singlehood. You miss it when you’re married

[DevikaButts95]

You're only 22.
If you want more luck finding someone, actively approach people you like and get to know them more, and then make a move on them.

[Hellraiser1984]

I'm 39. Same boat. Give up you'll feel a lot better. Love is just chemicals. People only care about looks, money and sex. The only true love you'll get is from a pet. I'm going to die alone and I'm fine with it. No arguments, cheating, lies, or kids eating up your finances and you'll get to know yourself better. Life can be a wonderful thing for some for others they can't wait for it to end. Hopefully there's some place better when we die. Maybe we can find love there.

[Berethor]

Never had a boyfriend is an attractive trait for many guys, so don't lose hope.

[msc545]

You might live in the wrong town or state or even the wrong country. Where do you live now (apprximately).

[serious]

No, there is nothing wrong with you