My last relationship was very abusive and the police had to get involved, I ended up having to leave the area to be safe. It’s been a good few years now and I’ve started trying to put myself out there. I’ve been speaking to a guy for a few weeks and the conversation flows. We went on a 1st date yesterday and it lasted over three hours. He messaged me after saying he enjoyed it and would like to see me next weekend.
He is off from work for a few weeks and so he has a bit of free time to meet up etc. I haven’t from him since last night and now it’s nearly bed time. I feel very anxious and starting to panic because I realise I’m starting to like him and I don’t want to be hurt again, should I stop talking to him?
I just have a bad gut feeling. When we met he was talking about communication (not about us but general dating sense) how you don’t have to talk about 24/7 but little things like if your going out all day and won’t be on your phone it’s nice to say morning or have a nice day to show your thinking of that person. This is why it’s out of character for him. I just don’t think I can ever date anyone again, I start to like someone and I just want to run. Should I stop talking to him? Not so much that he hasn’t said anything, just I don’t think my anxiety can dating or letting someone close to be because I’m terrified they’ll use my feelings against me or hurt me
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Look, I totally understand why you're feeling anxious after what you went through before. Taking that risk to let someone new in is really scary. But I don't think you should write this guy off already. A few things to consider:
- One date and a few weeks of talking isn't really enough time to know what he's truly like. Don't judge his character based on just that.
- People get busy, it's only been a day. Maybe give it a bit more time before panicking.
- Communicate with him about your anxiety and past trauma. A good guy will understand and make you feel comfortable moving slowly.
- Continue seeing a therapist if you aren't already. Working through your fears will help in the long run.
I'd say don't cut contact yet. See how things go on the next date when you can get a better read on his respect for consent and communication. Take it one step at a time so you don't push your anxiety into overdrive. You deserve to find someone who treats you right - but don't close yourself off before knowing this could be a healthy connection. Stay hopeful!
Thank you for being so kind. It’s not his fault whatsoever. It’s just me realising I don’t think I can cope with dating again. It feels so wrong. My friends are trying to convince me to not run/avoid it it. But I just feel more at peace on my own :(
You're welcome luv, I'm glad I could help a little. And hey, don't be so hard on yourself - dealing with that kind of trauma takes time.
It totally makes sense that you might not feel ready to date again yet. Your friends probably just want you to be happy, but they don't really know what you went through like you do. If being on your own is what feels right for your healing process, then that's valid.
Maybe one way to reassure your friends could be to tell them you're not closing the door completely, but you need space right now before trying anything serious again. In the meantime, focus on doing things that make you feel empowered and at peace, like your hobbies or spending time with people who really "get" you.
Your wellbeing should be the top priority. Only get back out there when and if you feel truly ready, not because others are pushing you. You got this - just take care of yourself first. And know I'm always here if you need a buddy to listen, okay? Stay strong Queen!
I'd say give it a bit more time