If women already have full lives and they "don't need no man", why should a man try to search for love?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's because of my background (I'm a Roma from Hungary), but I've never thought of this "don't need" thing as romantic. I think that if someone says this, whoever it is, it is a person who will only look at his/her partner as a burden, who will not act in a way that will make the relationship work and who will gladly replace the other person. Because if someone doesn't need someone/something, they more than likely won't want that someone/something.
Of course I know that you have to give the space you need in the relationship and not just be with your partner all the time. You still love the other person regardless. But this not needing you, just wanting you thing makes me cringe. In my head it's like, "I don't love you, I just put up with you until you're not worth it. I don't value our moments together and don't count on me for help."
Please don't misunderstand me, I don't want a relationship/marriage that is a stereotypical 1950's relationship/marriage. I'm 100% happy to do my share of everything as my future partner would be, even when it comes to raising children (if we want to of course). One thing I don't understand though. Why the hell should a man subject hisself to dating if women are seemingly content with their current life situation which includes friends, career, hobbies, programs and sex toys/one night stands?

[Siri137]

That's just not true. Any woman who says "I don't need no man" (such shockingly poor grammar) is LYING. Unless, of course, you take that statement as is, and recognise the fact that if you don't need "no man", that means you need men. It's like when people say "I could care less" (it means they DO care, even if just a little).

I should have become an English teacher, for I see there is an urgent need for them, if the comments I observe online is indicative of the general level of understanding of the language.

[Twalli]

That's because most of us are from 'murica.

[Nikki1989]

That only applies to a tiny amount of women.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Don’t know for others, I think we want them, we don’t need them to survive, but we need them for our perfect happiness.

I was my happiest when I was in a relationship. I have never been that happy ever before or ever again.

[blueonblack22]

Women really STILL DO need men even if they say they don’t and consciously believe it in the moment.

What’s going on right now is defying thousands of years of evolution. Men and women need each other for the actual survival of humanity.

What we are seeing right now is an addiction to a “sugar high” from modern feminists. They are indulging the first impulse that crosses their mind i. e. just cheat if feels good, ghost because it easy, play dumb and friendzone because it feels easy, #metoo over feelings vs actual actions, etc.

Its really men who indirectly enabled all of this. Modern technology has enabled many people to make decent money with no hard labor. Sympathetic men got angry when they saw women facing (real) sexism decades ago and supported feminism. Naive men think that bending over backwards for women is what they want and haven’t been raised to respect themselves.

Men built the world that has enabled women enjoy equality and freedom. But there is a problem. Evolution has shaped women to be more selfish and picky then men for survival reasons. There was a time where a woman’s very survival was determined by the mate she selected vs who she avoided. She also would be selfish because if she was too nice/naive/trusting it could lead to her being exploited. Even raped and killed. So you can’t undo thousands of years of evolution in just 50 years of “modern society”.

Anyway no amount of complaining, debating, etc is going to make any difference for men (no matter how truthful/factual our arguments are). Reason being is men are not special for existing. We are only “special” through agency. Women look at men and think how they can benefit from us via money, good feelings, good “protection”, emotional support, good sex, good social status, etc. If a woman sees no benefit in man he’s invisible and disposable. A dime a dozen.

However I believe in the long run women are making themselves miserable with all this “modern” behavior. Mother Nature didn’t intend for them to be voluntarily promiscuous, childless and romantically alone their entire lives. No way that can make them feel fulfilled in life.

But it’s going to take them decades to fully understand that. Men will have to suffer before women finally come to that revelation. Women are not going to avoid all of the immediate benefits just because men complain. Because again men are not special for just existing.

[TenderFantasy]

"Reason being is men are not special for existing. We are only “special” through agency. Women look at men and think how they can benefit from us via money, good feelings, good “protection”, emotional support, good sex, good social status, etc. If a woman sees no benefit in man he’s invisible and disposable. A dime a dozen."

Man, my ex-boyfriend acted exactly like this lol. I agree with this in that BOTH sexes will suffer if it continues because birth rates are going to go down even further. Birth and marriage rates are already alarmingly low. But I don't agree that we are not special for existing. We got family and friends who think otherwise. BOTH sexes do.

[blueonblack22]

@TenderFantasy well of course my family and friends do value me for existing (well most of them).

However I will give you an example about how this psychology. Prior to recently women weren’t allowed to serve in combat positions in the US military not just because of physician strength demands. The US Army did psychological studies on how men react when another male soldier is wounded/killed vs how he reacts to seeing a woman harmed. As it turns out men react much more emotionally and passionately to seeing a woman harmed. This can break up teams and result in missions not being achieved.

Most men have an innate sense of caring towards women (regardless if they are attractive to them or not). That is how chivalry came about. There really is more value in female existence in itself compared male existence (when all else is even).

But thanks for acknowledging the dropping birth rates. Men do have problems with porn, testosterone levels, etc. But really it’s ultimately up to the woman if she wants to be a mother nowadays. When all else is even she has more power to accept or reject or keep the baby or not. I just can’t believe how many women want to be voluntarily childless nowadays.

[blueonblack22]

*physical strength demands

[TenderFantasy]

"Most men have an innate sense of caring towards women (regardless if they are attractive to them or not). That is how chivalry came about. There really is more value in female existence in itself compared male existence (when all else is even)."

Sorry lol, I just had to laugh at that. What about men that have harmed or killed their wives or raped them? Hurt them/cheat on them/break up with them with no regard to how their partner will react or feel. I hope that's in the minority, I really do!

"I just can’t believe how many women want to be voluntarily childless nowadays."

That's because the mothering instinct isn't inside every woman. Some even kill their kids because their boyfriend didn't want them around. Some women, will go through ANY lengths to become a mother even to become a single mother. Women aren't all the same thankfully. Also it's expensive to raise a child. And Chad's child support doesn't cover everything.

[blueonblack22]

@TenderFantasy I said “most men” not all men. Do you think men are okay with rape and murder of woman? At all?

Remember the boko haram terrorist abduction of the Chibook schoolgirls? What most people don’t know those terrorists typicality would invade a village, murder innocent men and boys and then tell the girls to be “good wives and mothers”. It’s been going on for decades.

But that never made the news. It wasn’t until Boko Haram decided to abduct schoolgirls did it make international news. THEN it got attention. A lot of attention. Michelle Obama was posting on social media about it. And that Boko Haram choose to abduct girls instead of boys because they knew it get attention.

As for violence most people don’t pay attention to innocent men being victims vs. when women are harmed. That’s doesn’t mean horrible things still happen to women. They do. But there is more attention called to that for a reason.

[blueonblack22]

@TenderFantasy I just realized I might of just contradicted myself given I spent time debating above despite stating earlier “no amount of complaining, debating, etc is going to make any difference for men”. Did I say anything that really changed your POV. Probably not.

I will say this though. Personally I am not expecting nor demanding that men be treated as delicately as women in society. That’s just never going to happen.

However the core issue you see with all the angry men is really a RESPECT issue. Sure loniliness and lack of sexual viability sucks. It sucks a lot. But we will live.

But modern feminism has an attitude that female “strength” means disrespecting men. That’s what most guys are so angry about. For example most guys can accept romantic rejection. However it’s just HOW women do it nowadays is where the lack of respect comes.

[TenderFantasy]

Oh why couldn't I have met you instead of my ex lol. This is EXACTLY what he was probably thinking in his head and that is why he broke things off those many months ago. It IS sad and I 100% agree with you. I WAS repleacable and so when he was breaking it off with me (I met him here too can you believe that? He lived an hour-give or take, away from me), this was probably what was going on in his head or at least not long after. It was both annoying and sad and made me real angry because he just wasted five months of my life and I was building things with him too, in that time. He said things like that he would not leave me and that he cared about me (not yet love he said lol, but it's getting there, like 9/10 there!).

I feel that he had real high standards for his "ideal woman" (which I really don't think exists. No body is perfect and no body wll be healthy or abled all the time). I think in relationships and love we get tested like all the time in them but I guess he was also a PAPA'S BOY!

[AmyHew1tt]

Here's what I believe is true. A woman does not need a man, and a man does not need a woman. But women and men do need each other.

I think that's what that saying actually means, but many women who say it misunderstand, and so do the men who hear it. It's pushback on the pressurized idea that's still somewhat at large in some circles, that women are worthless until they get married/have children etc. And it's also thrown about in girl culture, which can be toxic, but we all have a bit of a draw toward the idea of sisterhood, and the community and empowerment to be found in it. It's similar to the dudes who go around saying Bros before Hoes. Or claiming they'd chose their video games over their girlfriends.

Anyway, to reiterate, I don't think women or men as individuals need each other. But as a species, and as sexes, we certainly do. We just don't necessarily need each other to be complete people.

[Messiking]

The world is moving in the direction that men and women are enemies and not a family caring for the common good, as before. It's getting harder and harder for men and women to get along, and it's only going to get worse. If you meet a woman who loves you, you are lucky. In my opinion, moving away from old values ​​is not a good path, but the world is changing. now the woman lives her own life. and a man should also follow his own path. finding true love is very difficult, unfortunately. this is my opinion in these strange times. It's strange that progress is supposedly needed and the old values ​​are bad and people are more and more divided and unhappy.

[RolandCuthbert]

What does it matter? You can find a woman who wants to work and share the chores. Or you can find a woman who wants to be a stay at home wife. This whole women's lib and feminism thing is all blown out of proportion. I have never been to Hungary. But it has to be much easier to find a woman like that there than in America. And even in America, that is common.

[Anonymous]

A man shouldn't try to search for love. That's a large part of what's wrong with society today. Too many men use their attractiveness to women as a measurement of their value. There are almost 4 billion women on the planet. In that respect none of them are special. The only thing that makes any of them special is their relation to you. You have a lot of women today who use men. You should never give a woman any more attention then she would give you.

The biggest problem today is more people need self respect. They need to know they're perfectly fine ALONE. I'm not advocating everyone be hermits, quite the opposite. I'm saying more people need to stop defining their lives by how many people surround them.

[slatyb]

Because "needing" and "wanting" are two different things. There are plenty of women who don't need a man but who would prefer to have a partner. i would rather be with a woman who doesn't need me but still chooses to be with me.

[Lliam]

Do you need a woman in order to survive? Could you survive without a female companion or do just want to have a loving wife?

I think that's what most women mean when they say they don't need a man. They want one, but they don't need one.

So then you have to ask yourself why you want a partner?

[TenderFantasy]

I'm still a little confused too. Sometimes 'need' and 'want' are the same things!

You need oxygen and water to survive, therefore you start to WANT it when it's not there or is absent.

I'm confused because I get that 'want' can be optional sure, but not when you also NEED it! Especially to survive.

Edit: And yes, I get that you don't NEED a a man to survive in your life yes that I get, but you will certainly NEED a man's sperm to reproduce (if a woman) and/or you'll NEED a woman's womb (uterus) if a man to have a baby.

[Curmudgeon]

With women like THAT, the answer is: you shouldn't.

The $64,000,000 question, as the old game show went, is how many women are like that.

Sadly, in the current legal and social structure, any vindictive woman *can be* like that.

So definitely work to reform and change the rotten legal system, whatever else you decide.

[Anonymous]

To have a man and to desire a man, I simply don’t have that concept in my life and it’s simply not on my goals or to-do list. I am busy with work, motherhood and growing. Which are all each consuming tasks.
To be home at the end of my day and go to round two (mother hood) & cooking and cleaning… how could I possibly take on another task (a boyfriend)?


The idea is surely taxing on the nervous system and sounds exhausting. It’s good to know your own max capacity and I’m surely at it.


Simply put, it’s not that I don’t need a man - but rather I’m too busy to have one around and to give someone myself for their needs is not appealing.


It’s more concerning how much males consume theirselves with needing a woman.

[TenderFantasy]

How'd you get your baby if it wasn't for a man's seed? ! Just kidding, But yeah, stop pretending like you didn't need a man to get your baby!

[WhyohWhy69]

I think men who constantly insist even the majority of women say that are losers, tbh. When some women said that 20 years ago, they were empowering themselves to not have to use men for money. Shame on you.

[Asker]

I know that women were saying this phrase in the past to signal that they don't want to use men for anything, but nowadays it seems to me that the women who say that are signaling that they plan to be forever single (Even if they are in a relationship, they can be ungrateful like I wrote in the original post). Even though it is a tiny minority who say it on the internet (thanks to the lovely people here on GAG), it seems/seemed like that is the norm.
And calling me a loser? Wow. I didn't think I'd see someone resorting to childish name calling here, as in any other platform i've tried out... There is truth in what I was writing. Heck, even others on GAG backed me up on this. Shame on you.

[SolitarySolace]

He shouldn’t. But majority of men are dumbasses and won’t realize women aren’t worth it until after they take the red pill. Until then they’re going to be blind to all of the bullshit women put us men through because women are so good at pretending to love us. I honestly think women pretend to love us men because they just want to have a baby she can rip away from him and force him to pay punishment, I mean child support giving her money she don’t fucking deserve.

[Joshydavid25]

Many women are not content with their current lives since anti-depressants seem to be on the rise and in a sense do need and want a man, even if it's for companionship.. But many women want to find love just like a man, and many are still good to do it..

[Hanrej]

First off, you don't ever hear someone saying they need someone else. If they say it it opens them up for exploitation by people using their needs against them. But that doesn't mean people don't need other people, in fact, I dare say those that claim they don't need others secretly need them far more than they're willing to admit.

We truly live in times where you pretty much have to be a mind reader to understand other people.

[TenderFantasy]

Can't want and need be a blurry thing? But I get what you mean. Maybe I was thinking of it in literal terms, I mean, unless someone is physically disabled, most can care for themselves and get their physical needs met.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I don't NEED a woman to be a lasting partner in my life. I'd like one, sure, but i don't NEED one... that said... depends on how the women saying that mean it.

[Sour-rose]

Okay but still sounds you're saying ALL women on this planet earth is sufficent. Every. Woman. On this planet. :)

[Asker]

Sorry, should have written it better :)

[JHAYES317]

Fair point. I don’t think men should. They need to stop putting the pussy on a pedestal…and stop asking women out. Instead focus on making enough money to get cosmetic surgery so that they will approach you.

[whirled_up_girl]

Needing to be with someone and wanting to be with someone are different things. Plenty of people want love they don’t necessarily need it.

[Twalli]

Men don't need women and women don't need men to have fulfilling lives. Yet if you choose to have a partner, you can have a fulfilling life as well, it will just be fufilling in a different way.

[SolitarySolace]

Yup. Fulfilling until you’ve fucked your self by having kids with her. You gotta pay punishment, sorry I mean child support, and then eventually you get divorced which was her plan from the moment she said yes to your proposal, and she’ll take the kids, the house, and all of your resources. 😁

[Twalli]

@SolitarySolace I can't get a girl pregnant. She's gone before she gives birth if she's pregnant.