Why is the trend of time wasters in dating happening?

[Explorer91]

I have finally decided to date more seriously.

What I have noticed is the amount of people who will pretend to be interested for attention. This has shocked me because I know people do this for sex or this or that.

But for the life of me I cannot understand people who can talk and talk for you for hours and hours and have zero interest in you but pretend to like you SO THAT YOU WILL TALK TO THEM FOR HOURS. LIKE wtf is this trend that is happening LOL.

[kylee2437]

You need to shift your mindset a bit. There’s always something to learn in every talking stage or relationship you end up in. Once you start viewing it as a way to learn, it will 1. Not only get easier to walk away 2. You will learn so much about yourself and other people

[Explorer91]

I think you miss the point. I am saying the EXTENT of this behaviour is what is bothering me. and the EXTENT to which it is becoming more and more common.

[kylee2437]

@Explorer91 that explanation still has to do with looking inward and knowing when to walking away. You aren’t supposed to fall in love with everyone you come into contact with

[Explorer91]

I get you. But sometimes its not that simple. Like if someone is lying about being married. But in general display no other red flags. On those first few dates. You are not going to know "to walk away". So this is the stuff I am talking about.

[kylee2437]

I totally get what you mean. I’ve gone through many talking stages in the past two years and god honestly I ask myself every time it ends of why did I truly want to date those people in the first place. Many times it was me settling for less. I’ve just gotten to that point of making it a learning lesson because at the same time , I mean I’d rather kill time with these people than end up in long terms things with any of them

[Explorer91]

Yep it is how I try to look at things. Like well I am glad I overstayed in an evening the other day for 6hours with a guy. Because If I had left the convo at 2 hours and we exhcanged numbers it would have probbaly dragged out to a few dates before me realising what I realised in one very long night. So I guess its all about perspective. But still feels tiring and frustrating.

[monorprise]

Best not to lose sight of the objective, dating is a job interview. Your both trying to show whom you are and what you bring to the table in your respective capacities as women and men.

You should focused on what you need out of a husband first then prioritize what you want out of what you can get.

As with any problem dealing with the unknown you must first establish what the market is to know what it is you realistically can get. Ideally this should take 30% of your invested time window.(in your case to include the looking you have already done). From what you have actually been offered you may select the best attributes.

Then just go with it, you will not likely do any better by looking longer, and Time is a major factor. The longer you look the fewer good options there will be and the less meaningful any option can be.

[HawkPerception]

It's frustrating as hell. I'm very transparent with others in whether I'm interested or not. If I'm talking with you, it means I'm invested. But I'm tired of talking to girls for basically a few hours straight in a day and they say they'll message/call me the next day, then they ghost me. Happens 99% of the time. No closure either. I could literally tell them "Hey if you do happen to lose interest, please just let me know. I'll understand and no hard feelings. I won't be a bitch about it. But don't leave me hanging." and they still decide to ghost me. I'm so sick of dating apps over the years, but I stay on them to not limit myself to only meeting in person, which I rarely ever do.

[Explorer91]

Yes I talked to this guy at a social event pretty much 6 hours. Every time I tried to talk to another guy he just joined in. I assumed he was very keen. Only to find out pretty much at the end that he was not single. And I thought wtf I understand wanting a little chat and attention but he kept taking me away from other guys! I thought that was fine because I thought him and me could go on a few dates next time so it was worth just focusing on him but my goodness I was frustrated to find out h was cockblocking me all night just to get my attention for the night... not allowing me to actually chat to other guys who maybe wanted to go on a date with me LOL

[HawkPerception]

I hate people that aren't transparent

[SphynxUK]

I don’t know who does that, but I do like to text a bit more than most do, so I can get to know them a bit and feel comfortable. Then I’ll arrange a meet.
I don’t talk to anyone for a length of time that I don’t like or have no intention to meet. Some men hate this. Obviously the wrong ones for me then, if they can’t respect how I operate. I always say upfront I prefer to text for a bit before meeting. If they don’t like it they can unmatch (which they do).
Or I get guys that match, and leave a message. Just because I hadn’t seen it immediately they unmatch. Or they text in the early hours (3-5am), I don’t see it until I’m up so they block me!
Unfortunately I don’t spend all day on my phone and I don’t get notifications for all apps. Ridiculous behaviour.

[Avicenna]

Sounds like they're lonely and want some attention and validation

[Drew-1990]

It's happening because some guys are not getting any attention from girls so when someone shows interest they let it all out even if they don't like you because someone is giving you attention in general. Not saying it's right and it probably is annoying but that is what is happening.

[Explorer91]

Definitely I see this.
But also a big problem is a lot of people these days aren't single. But because a lot of "dates" aren't called "dates" these days. Like hanging out, catching up, spending time together, getting a coffee, grabbing some foods. Its very easy to cheat under the guise of friendship. I find this very misleading to think you are going on dates. But someone isn't even single.

[Drew-1990]

That is ridiculous as well I agree. If I had a girl I would not be down anything with other girls unless it was a group setting with her involved. People like to push their limits

[Explorer91]

Yep. Girls can be lkike this too. I used to have a friend. We would go to bars. She was in a long term relationship. She knew if she told guys she was in a relo they wouldn't give her attention for thee evening or dance with her or chat to her... because obviously they wanted to talk to girls who they could sleep with or get number and date. So she told me tell them in single for the night. She would have a great time with a guy chatting or dancing or flirting for the evening. Then when it was time to go home was like bye and like acting not interested in the guy suddenly. So women do this too. Its just frustraintg.

[Drew-1990]

So that is also mean I would be so disappointed if I was that guy, gain the courage to talk to her thinking I have a chance and then find out I never had a shot at all.

[DizzyDesii]

I know exactly what you mean. It drives me crazy and most who do it will continue pretending they want more for weeks and months. I was pretty good at getting rid of time wasters anywhere between 2 weeks and 2 months. I fear my current may have slipped through the cracks

[Explorer91]

Yes I have had many experiences of people who are actually in relationships but pretending to be single. I get that sometimes you do have to waste a little time with dating etc. But when its like doomed from the start its like cmon..

[DizzyDesii]

No i didn't meant in a relationship but pretending to be single. I meant they say they want to get with you but deep down have no intention of being as serious as they say

[DreamLife7]

Yep within a weak you can spot it. Men aren't very smart. I usually get what I want out of them during this time then I become inconsistent. They hate when you beat them at their own game 🤣

[DreamLife7]

*week

[Explorer91]

@DreamLife7 Yep. youd be suprised a lot of people use the excuse they lost interest or had no intention of dating you (but its an excuse for i don't want to admit that I cannot progress this connection because im not available or im afraid youd discover my lies if i continue) - youd be suprised how much people believe the excuses people give.
But yep I agree. it gets discovvered quickly enough but stil feels like suhc a let down each time.

[Sorobor]

Everytime i read these threads i lose a little bit more hope. I just never lie during dates or similar situations. I've got a trouble understanding what i'm supposed to do. I'm looking for a witty woman that is from 18 to 30, i think i have things going for myself but i can't find any girl willing to start a real relationship, while some guys i know ask me why i'm not going in nightclubs to have sex.
It's turned into a battle of whom can ruin the most lives.

[DizzyDesii]

@Sorobor Keep hope. Not everyone out there has bad intentions.

[Sorobor]

@DizzyDesii yeah, i know. Thankfully i'm a guy so i don't get much attention to begin with, it helps to sort it out. Thanks for the answer.

[DreamLife7]

@Explorer91 they do , do that and it's annoying but a lot of women have to learn to set boundaries. Stop giving a man who hasn't earned you everything. The talking for hours, sex and if he's not setting up dates with you move on. No way would I let a guy talk my ear off on the phone for hours.

[Sorobor]

@DreamLife7 what do you mean by this? You would not talk to a guy if he didn't said he wanted to date you very fast? How fast?

[DreamLife7]

@sorobor if he's interested then he needs to follow up with action such as setting up the date. I am not some guys penpal or therapist

[D_Bone_Steak]

Strange hearing this from a female because I thought that was only something us men had to deal with. But now that I hear it... I'm starting to believe it.

Let me guess...9 times out of 10 they just don't want to meet up in person. If you do get to meet them, 9 times out of 10 they have someone already and they're just cheating for attention?

Like, I totally get it as to why attention whore women do this so much, but now it's the men too huh? WTF is going on in this world lately?

Honestly, I don't get this trend you've noticed... I'm a dude and I hate getting attention unless it's right on my penis.

[Explorer91]

@D_Bone_Steak I dont really use online dating as I like in a city centre and do a lot of after work drinks or things where I am able to meet people quite frequently.
I find a lot of people have partners and do not necessarily want to physically cheat but do want to chat with me or flirt with me or go on a date with me. But if I find out they have someone they act like oh oh I just thought we were hanging and being friends. Even though we both know its not the case... like they cockblock me from talking to other men all night when I meet them type vibes, ask all the questions a date would ask. Its just this headache gaslighty cycle.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I strongly agree with everything you said about how they are cock blockers. I think the whole "just hide the girlfriend/wife" routine is way too complicated and it's deceptive as fuck, not just the girlfriend/wife (who I want to cheat on), but it's also deceptive af to the potential side-chick and that could equal a lot of drama. To add to that, I personally, found waaaaay more success finding drama free side-chicks by just being honest about what I want from the start. It skips the bullshit date stuff, gets to the sex part faster, and they aren't being deceived and getting pissed off (rightly so).

Also, to the first part, and if I was speaking to a dude, I highly suggest staying offline and staying face-to-face. Since you're a female I just don't know... I mean dudes are usually deceptive both online and offline... as you know from those dudes that cockblock you.

[Finfin1981]

It’s about asking the right questions from the get go as I’ve made many mistakes..

So possibly you are chatting then say ‘so you must be single then’ they could still lie but check for body language cues etc …

Asking the right questions first and foremost then try and get rid of time wasters …

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry to say that if you think this is bad with men, it's ten times worse with women. Most thing revolve around women. Your gender makes the rules and men find the loopholes. Unfortunately most of your sisters do not want relationships anymore. This causes them to waste men's time till she gets bored. Then she moves on to a new guy. After a while a guy concludes this is the way it is now. And he either starts doing the same thing to women (a villain has essentially been created) or he just quits dating altogether.

Welcome to the world of modern dating. Enjoy your stay!

[Explorer91]

Yea you are probably right. Dating in general is disaster these days.

[PeachyPie93]

Always remember no one comes into your life to give you anything, they come to see what they can take. I am beginning to realize this and it helps you move away from people quicker. Most guys do it because they want to rope you in for something sexual nothing more than they have time to waste.

[BadApple69]

I can only speculate but I believe it’s because people are getting more used to the internet world like Meta. Why deal with people in the real world when you can do all your socializing in safer place. Online.

[Anonymous]

something that helps me is asking straight out what they want. short term usually means friends with benefits and not just a short term friendship, long term means relationship. if a guy only talks about himself and doesn't listen to anything you say; he's looking for short term. if a guy only talks about sex, thats short term.


if you wanna be able to tell after 1 phone call, think about what you guys talked about. both your dreams? careers? aspirations? the signs are obvious.

[Explorer91]

Yep I totally get you. I am 32 and when I used to date a lot in my early 20s it was so much more simple epsieclaly before social media and the interent really took off. The only games people would play would be "do I wait 3 days to text her phone or do i text the next day" - this was the only games people played. Literally. I feel now with so much information out there people know what you want to hear. They know you have to ask questions, talk about the future, they know to avoid talking about this or that. So I just find the obvious isn't so obvious anymore. But thats just my expeirence.

[DreamLife7]

Because you allow it. There is no way on God's green earth would I give a man as much time as you're giving them. The talking for hours caused them to lose interested because you're no challenge, you have no options and come accross as not having a life, friends nor hobbies.

[Explorer91]

Maybe. But I also know its women that say things like this, that turn around and are mortified that they are the one who married the man with the double life. Because instead of checking her own backyard she's too busy judging others.

[DreamLife7]

Take accountability you're reaching

[boobliker]

I don't think it has, it is now that we have so many ways to talk if you don't reply in under 2 minutes you're wasting there time But when I first started dating we walked miles to see each other

[Cody2004]

Because you're just an excuse until Grand Theft Auto 6 comes out

[Cody2004]

Now that I came back over this I'm actually going to answer this seriously cuz I feel bad after legit reading the question. The first thing I would ever do is put stuff in your profile about you and then see if they know anything cuz then you'll know if they even bothered reading your profile or not or are they just seen your profile and be like Oh I'm a fuck that sorry to be blunt but just straight up that's how some people think

[Explorer91]

I tend to meet people more in person that dating apps. I do a lot of after work drinks at bars or pubs and I go to social events. I only really meet people in person. Ill spend the whole night talking to the one guy to realise he just wanted attention and had a girlfriend or wife he failed to mention hahaa.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Just another reason I'm never going to go on dates.

I'll stick to finding a female best friend that I have everything in common with and marrying her.

[Anonymous]

They don’t know what they want, and they don’t know if you are what they want. The only thing they do know is that they like the attention.

[Jennz6]

You’re not wasting your time, you’re getting to know people

[Explorer91]

Getting to know people who know they have no intention of seeing you again? I don't see that as gettig to know people.

[Jennz6]

My bad sorry

[Djaay]

Well... that's been happening to men re. Women since the dawn of man. We all guys know this feeling like the back of our hand.

[HouseMoat]

I didn't know there was a "certain time in life you had to "seriously date"", LMAO

[Explorer91]

haha.. i guess i mean i am actually trying to get married now compared to before where i was like whatever.

[HouseMoat]

Right, and I'm Jesus Christ, your lord and savior

[Anonymous]

Trend? There have always been timewasters. This isn't new

[sheikalana]

People are bored.

[WhitneySnow]

That’s just weird