I don't think she's into me anymore. She says maybe, but I'm not wrong, am I?

[Anonymous]

Almost 3 years ago, I dated this one lady for almost 2 months. It went well, and I thought at the time I was gonna be with her for a while. She then ends that with me, saying she didn't feel the magic or the pull. We have remained friends and dated other people since then, although with me, she's the last person I have gone on more than 1 date with. She's had more success than I have, but she also dated some pretty bad guys. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, during that time, I thought I was over her, and I thought about it a lot one night, and I realized I still thought a lot about when I dated her, where I could've done better, and even when I was about to date some other lady, I'd think to myself, "She had her chance." Since I constantly thought that, it made me realize that I'm not entirely over her. I wanted to be, but at the same time, I felt like we had something really good going then. Before anyone comments saying, "Dude, move on", I don't think it's that easy for me. I tried dating other people and moving on. I got ghosted by 2 women, had a huge disagreement/misunderstanding (long story) with another one, and a few others that it just didn't click, either on my end or theirs. I haven't had that same great feeling since this woman. I trust her completely, and I knew that even if she wasn't interested, she wouldn't judge me. I was right about that part after telling her. She says maybe, and might be open to trying it again, but it was after she had a nasty breakup. I wasn't trying to rebound, it was just bad timing. She knew all about this, and went on another date yesterday, she got ghosted right afterwards. I am in belief that means she doesn't want to date me again. I didn't directly say it like that to her, but, in her words, "I'm not completely not wanting something to happen with you, but it's not the same fire magic I've had with some people (most of which were no good)." More details below as I'm almost out of room here.

Updates

+1 y

She also says she's grateful I told her that I'm not entirely over her and am open to trying it again, as I made her feel important and wanted after that nasty breakup she had with some other guy. I'm glad I at least could do that. But since she was willing to go on a date with some other guy and not one she already knows, it seems to me like she'd rather remain friends. And I did tell her that I'm fine remaining friends if she'd prefer that.

Updates

+1 y

I'm not trying to control her, and I want her to be happy, whether it's with me, some other guy, or even just remaining single.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, this is a tough situation. On one hand, I can understand still having feelings after all this time, since you really connected with this girl. But some of the signs do make it seem like she may not be into trying again.

A few things that stand out to me - her saying she didn't feel the "magic" when you dated before is usually a good sign it won't work out. And now saying it's not the same fire connection with you. Plus the fact she's still actively dating others.

At the same time though, she hasn't totally shut the door either by saying "maybe." And maybe the timing is just off since she's still recovering from that last bad breakup.

My advice would be to try distancing yourself emotionally for now. Focus on your own life and other women. But also keep an open line of casual communication with her. See how things play out over the next few months - if she starts coming around more or brings up trying again, great. But don't wait around or obsess over it either.

Sometimes people realize what they had after it's gone. But protect your heart too, you know? Stay positive either way man, you'll find someone to have that magic with! Just may not be her in the end.

[Asker]

That's a really good answer, thank you! I was basically thinking that as well. And I also told her that I now believe the only way to fully get over her is if I not only date someone else, but it goes really well. She says she didn't want her telling me she went on a date to come off like a pass (her words), but it just doesn't sound like she's interested anymore.

[Oliverlogan263]

For sure man, it sounds like you've got the right perspective on this. As hard as it is, putting some distance between you two is probably the healthiest thing. And you're spot on that fully getting over her will likely take meeting someone new who you really click with.

It was good of her to clarify she wasn't trying to send the wrong signal about the other date, but actions do speak louder than words sometimes. If she was really feeling it with you, she would've jumped at the chance to go out again.

Just keep being polite if you guys talk, but start spending your energy on putting yourself out there for other girls. Maybe this one will realize what she had, but no use waiting around hoping for that. You deserve to be with someone excited to be with you too, my dude. Hang in there - staying positive like this is the right move. You'll get past this in no time I'm sure.

[Asker]

Very well said, and I agree, thank you!

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome man anytime

[Fireguy17]

she just isn't that into you, time to move on.
Be the dumper and move on.

[Asker]

I realized recently that the only way for me to fully move on from her is not only to date someone, but to date that special someone. One that's amazing enough to really help me get over her.

[Fireguy17]

that is a great plan!

[Anonymous]

u aren’t man enough to propose her and claim her u are a wuss obviously she doesn’t want u

[Asker]

Propose? We only dated for like 2 months. After that, we were friends the entire time. I wasn't even considering proposing yet. We also chatted about that one time, and she told me she wouldn't want to be married until after 5 years of dating someone.

[Opinion Owner]

U are a wuss u don’t demand accountability from her or offer any

[Asker]

How am I wuss?

[Nikki1989]

Only she knows that.

[Asker]

She could be conflicted on it, so maybe she doesn't know for sure.