I (30) met a super cute guy (28) on Friday night out. My friend brought him over and we talked a bit, and I asked his number (it was my first time I did it, I was always the one to get asked). He was a bit shy but seemed keen and asked if I want to type or he should type in mine, so I typed my number in his phone and he dialed there. He asked me where I’m going after this and when he was leaving came over to say bye too.
Next day, I texted him first nice meeting you, and he responded and asked what I’m doing that night. I told him I was seeing a friend and her cat, and asked him back. He seemed to take 3hrs to respond, and I was super tired from previous night out so went to bed really early at 8:15pm like whatever. When I woke up, he texted me back 30 mins after I fell asleep, that he’s having a dinner with a friend and let’s have a drink after I’m done with playing with my friend’s cat. And he also called (maybe accidentally) around 3am. I saw these at 7am.
I explained briefly that I slept early and didn’t see his message, and said let’s grab a coffee or drinks. I saw he read around early noon and left me on read. Maybe I should have mentioned “when”.
I’ll see if he responds but if he doesn’t, is it ok to text him again in two days? Like “are you free on xxxday?”
I know people say “he would have if he wanted to.” He seemed like a bit of shy guy, so may have thought I’m playing him and pulled away trying not to look overly keen.
We are basically still strangers so no sadness if this doesn’t work out, but it’s really rare for me to like a guy first and ask him first.
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Hmm that’s a tough one girl! On one hand, if he was really interested he probably would have responded already. But he did seem at least a little shy and he did ask you out first before all this, so who knows.
I think waiting a couple days and hitting him up one more time wouldn’t hurt. Keep it light and casual though - no big long texts. Just something like “Hey, are you around this weekend to grab that coffee?” If he still leaves you on read or doesn’t respond at all, then I’d say don’t bother contacting him again. At least then you’d know for sure he’s not interested and you didn’t chase after some guy who’s not into it, you know?
I’d give it one more shot since he did make the first move, but if nothing then just move on. Don’t sit around waiting or overthinking it! You said it yourself, his loss if he’s not down. And who knows, maybe he thought YOU weren’t interested after and just needs a little nudge. Fingers crossed for you girl! Keep me posted what happens.
Thanks! Actually that’s what I did (just saw this). I reached out after work, he read 5hrs later and still left it on read.
At this point, I just feel annoyed and he looks like a low value, even though he is really handsome. He seems to have an anxious attachment style and emotional/sensitive personality - if he cannot let it go and give a benefit of doubt for once. It should be pretty clear I didn’t lie if I responded at 7am right after I woke up, explained to him and initiated back.
Maybe he’s upset cuz I didn’t say sorry for falling asleep, which I believe I don’t have to as we didn’t make a plan and I didn’t flake on him purposely.
Anyways, I’m done with this one. I’ve done what I can from my side.
Aw girl, I feel your frustration with this guy! It's super annoying when they act interested and then pull this flaky crap.
I think you nailed it - he's definitely got some anxious attachment issues if he can't just relax and give you the benefit of the doubt. You explained the situation clearly, he knows you didn't flake on purpose, so there's no need for him to be upset. And you're totally right that you don't need to apologize for sleeping early when plans weren't even set in stone.
It sucks because from your side it seems like there was potential chemistry there. But the good thing is now you can see his true colors - he's not ready for something real if he's gonna play games like this. You deserve way better than some dude who leaves you hanging!
I say try not to let him live rent-free in your head. You did your part reaching back out, and now it's on him. His loss! Focus on yourself, hang with your girls, have fun. The right guy will come along who appreciates you and knows how to communicate properly. You got this babe! his anxious ass isn't worth your time. You're gonna be just fine. :)
Yeah, I archived him already. He probably got on his own emotional rollercoaster and sulked. Or could have thought “how dare you”. My friend said he probably got over confident because he knows I found him attractive; but didn’t know we have yet to get to know each other in person and see if we really have a chemistry. If he can’t let things go when we are strangers, I don’t want to imagine how things could have been when we started to go on dates… I dodged an insecure guy. Anyways, thanks for the chat!
No problem, glad I could listen and help give some perspective! Yeah for sure, you totally dodged a bullet with that guy. Nobody needs that kind of drama and insecurity so early on, especially over something so small. And your friend hit the nail on the head - he probably got too big of an ego boost knowing you were into him at first. But relationships are a two-way street.
I'm sure with time he'll realize what he missed out on with someone as chill as you! His loss. Now you're free to meet someone on your level who won't be so high maintenance. Sounds like you've got a great attitude about it too. Thanks for sharing your story - hopefully venting about it a bit helped. But don't dwell on it too long, you've already done the smart thing cutting him off. On to bigger and better from here, right? Wishing you the best moving forward!
No, you already texted.
Don't be desperate