What did I do so wrong….. why did he not like me after the date?

[Anonymous]

I really didn’t want to go on the date bc I felt maybe he wouldn’t be attracted to me

but I really wanted to be with him….

I’m still having a hard time getting over it and him when he doesn’t deserve my time

[_Maya_]

Well only he knows the real reason. I am just going to guess because there is not context to how the first date went. Even if there was... it may have gone differently in your head than his. The most likely reason is he just didn't vibe with you. Now as to why? I can't really say. Could be any number of things he was looking for and didn't see in you. Don't take it personally because not everyone is going to be a match. I guess my question is why did you not want to go on the date yet want to be with him so bad? Seems opposite of each other. How did you think the date went? I would really try and look at the entire date and see if you can spot something that might have made him reconsider.

[Asker]

It’s a long story

But I didn’t want to go on the date because I’m insecure.. very insecure about my looks and I’m not confident. I wasn’t confident on the date… bc I never been on one … I feel confident over text

I didn’t know what I wanted so I told him I’ll get whatever he gets. There were a lot of pauses… me just staring…when I looked away I saw him looking but not in a good way

I think he lowkey tried to sabotage the date

I thought the date went good until I took a good look back and realized it was boring wi was actually supposed to “redeem “ myself from the texting stage

[Asker]

He did give closure but I just don’t believe him idk…

[_Maya_]

So yeah it probably was the vibe that you gave off. He sensed something and decided it you two didn't click. Could have been the insecurity or that (as you put it) were boring. Hard to say what the cause was.

[Asker]

It’s hard and it’s driving me up the wall

But he said he didn’t want to invest if we weren’t going to eventually be intimate…. I told him I wanted to wait until marriage… but then he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship so I just felt like was this just about sex… or was he sabotaging the date because I said I wasn’t looking for sex literally day one

[_Maya_]

Uh oh. I think we found the reason. I would be a good sum of money that was it. When he found out no sex until marriage he wrote it off. I think you might have just uncovered the reason. At least that is what it sounds like to me.

[Asker]

But he wasn’t ready for a relationship…. So that’s why I feel like he wasn’t honest or …?

[Asker]

I didn’t want to tell him that I’m a virgin… I wanted to be intimate with him but I wanted more connection and to feel like he truly likes me

[_Maya_]

He may have used that "I'm not ready for a relationship" as an excuse. I mean if someone isn't ready for a relationship why is he going on dates? Either for sex or he lied. If you wanted to be intimate with him you shouldn't have said you wanted to wait for marriage.

[Asker]

Yeah but I said that so that I could navigate if he only wanted to use me…

But I’m guessing he did just want to use me…

[Asker]

I think it was more so an excuse but he was still willing to get sex…

But here’s another plot twist… he said he was scared to sleep with me bc he said I would be crazier…

[BoopBoopBeep]

I can simultaneously not want a relationship and not want to date someone who is saving herself for marriage.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo girl, don't be so hard on yourself. Rejection hurts, but it ain't always about you. Here's what I'm thinkin -

First off, props to you for givin it a shot even though you were nervous! That takes courage. But don't beat yourself up tryna figure out what you "did wrong." Dudes are fickle sometimes.

Maybe he just wasn't feelin the chemistry in person like he thought. Or it's possible he's got his own stuff goin on and wasn't in the right headspace to connect. Don't internalize it.

You seem like a catch - any dude would be lucky to have ya. Don't waste time projectin his issue onto yourself. Easier said than done, I know. But you deserve someone who sees your worth straight away.

Treat yourself nice til the hurt passes. Keep your chin up, sis! I betcha your perfect match is right around the corner. In the meantime, just do you and be happy by yourself. The right one will come.

[IslaTheWitch]

you didn't give any details... impossible to answer :D

[Asker]

Details in the comments