Hi, I was planning to message a girl that it’s been a few weeks since I talked to. I wanted to let her know I’ve been thinking about her but don’t know if messaging that to a girl would come off as endearing or weird. This is in the context of us already being friends with potential romantic interest. I was thinking of messaging her something like: “Hey, we haven’t talked in a while. I’ve just been thinking about you lately”
Girls, is this a yay or nay? Is it something you’d like to hear from someone you’ve had friendly contact with for numerous months? And is this likely to get a conversational response back or just a comment emoji (I’m trying to restart my contact with a girl I really like who I might have accidentally friendzoned but I actually would like to date)
What Girls Said
I guess it really depends on what you are trying to get across. If there is two-way romantic interest saying that you have been thinking about her is definitely a more direct about your feelings. To me that is telling her that she is on your mind which obviously she was. If you don't want to be so obvious right out of the gate you can just ask how things have been going and then see how the conversation goes. If it goes well then you can slide that "I had been thinking about you" in if the context of the conversation is right. It really depends on how forward you want to be not that I think it is overkill if there has been some romantic feelings in the past.
Well the reason I had accidentally friendzoned her is because I don’t know if she has a boyfriend or not. When we met up for drinks last year she mentioned off hand about a boyfriend and now she has moved to my city and we had planned to meet up but when she got here she seemed pretty busy between work and university. I finally sent her a message addressing her unavailability and just said that I thought we had planned to meet up and that I considered her a good friend and was interested in meeting up still but if she isn’t interested anymore or has her own friend group in the city that it’s fine and we don’t have to meet up.
She responded that she really wanted to see me and also thought it was really sweet that I considered her a close friend and she suggested a night she was available to meet for drinks. But then the day we planned to meet she canceled day of and said she was sick. When I said I was sorry to hear and asked if she needed anything she said “aw thanks. ur such a great friend”, which that time the text seemed passive aggressive. Like she had talked to her girlfriends in the past 2 days and they picked up on me saying I considered her a good friend and told her that it wouldn’t be a date and that I friendzoned her
The thing is that if she does have a boyfriend still, I genuinely would like to still be friends with her. If I know for certain she is single I would ask her out on a date directly but I don’t know and she doesn’t post much on social media. Also if I directly ask her out on a date and she does have a boyfriend it would be harder to remain friends because I will have committed to expressing a romantic interest and maybe would change the dynamics of our friendship in her eyes (but for me I just like hanging out with good people and have lots of female friends). We also have off and on friendly chatter, when she does post a selfie in a cute outfit I like it and she usually hearts my like or emoji on instagram
So basically I’m just trying to find a way to reach out to her again and also try to work in something that gets her to say whether she has a boyfriend or not prior to me actually asking her out (because otherwise I’ll respect her boundaries regarding her relationship and just keep things as friends)
Okay that is a lot to unpack. So if you are unsure if she has a boyfriend or not then defo don't say that you have been thinking of her. I feel it is too suggestive with her relationship status being unknown. If you were to suggest meeting up and she were to accept you could kinda feel things out then by asking what is going on in life, etc. If she doesn't mention a relationship and she was in one I would be shocked.
I tried that already. She cancelled the date because her girlfriends seemingly got in her head and said I friendzoned her. So if it is the case she doesn’t want to meet up if she thinks I only see her as a friend and she wants me to ask her on a date then I need to establish before suggesting another meetup. So when I talk to her over message I need to ask some kind of question that gets her to confirm whether she has a boyfriend or not. In my mind, saying I was thinking about her was less direct than committing to having romantic feelings because I’ve already established that I at least consider her a close friend. But you would take it to be an overt claim of romantic interest? If that’s the case then I certainly would prefer to go with something less of that sort at the onset but still express an interest in seeing her or communicating more (since it’s just been the last two weeks that she has not been responding but she still is watching my stories
I think when left to interpretation it could definitely be taken as interest more than friends. Just putting myself in that position anyhow...
I'm going to think on this and what would prompt me to bring up a relationship.
I was going to start with something like: I haven’t heard from you in a while. Just wondering if you’re ok and everything is good?
and then if she were to give some response like: oh ya, everything’s great
I was going to say: ok, well I’ve just been thinking about you lately
But maybe that is not a good thing to text her 🤷♂️
Ya, that would be really helpful. I’ve formulated a couple follow up messages just because I want ti be very careful in my wording. I’m trying to tow a narrow line between confirming what I’ve already have said, that I do consider her a close person/friend whatever and expressing an interest in meeting up or getting back to talking normally without expressing overt romantic interest at this point. Since she follows my stories and knows that I try to stay socially active I was going to maybe say something like this if she responds to the first text:
“Well I go out partying with the hostel people sometimes but I actually really prefer a few close relationships to partying with random people and even though we maybe don’t talk that much I actually feel a closer connection to you than with most people”
“I know you mentioned in (home town) that you had a boyfriend so I hope that’s not weird for me to say that…”
Then it leaves her open to correct me about whether she currently has a boyfriend. Since this was over a year ago we met for the first time she could very well of broken up with this person and also she has moved cities too for university. It could very well be that she didn’t remember even mentioning a boyfriend to me at the time or she just hasn’t had any opportunity to clarify her single status because I have not really brought it in the last fee months we have been talking regularly. If you have some other suggestions or modifications to what I’ve wrote here I’m open to hearing recommendations
Okay so done with my class. I can think on this a little bit. The issue with trying to plan a conversation based on what you think is going to be said is it rarely works like that. Conversations flow organically and she might break direction of where you were headed.
I think the best thing is to start a general conversation about what is NEW in life and let her talk about some stuff. You should be able to clue into what is going on. You could ask if she is available. That word (available) is key because it can have a double meaning.
Used right, you can easily backtrack meaning is she available to do something sometime. But it also means are you available in the general sense as well. Like are you able to do something because you are single? It is subtle but could lead into finding an answer.
Key is to try and figure out how to work that into a conversation so you get the answer you want.
Thinking what? If u are thinking it’s your problem what is she to do
Just do it. What do you have to lose? See what happens. Let us know 😉