Single 28 yr old here, never been in love, never found a datable guy. All the men I have met were just garbage. Nobody marriage material. Being a mother has always been a life long dream of mine. I've been thinking about having kids on my own as a single mom by choice.
Why should getting married determine whether or not I should have kids or not? Most marriages don't even last any ways. Half of everyone who gets married end up divorcing at some point. Just because I can't find a husband, it doesn't mean it has to destroy the rest of my life. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without a family, coming home to an empty apartment with nobody in it, eating tv dinners in front of a blank wall.
Any single ladies have the same feeling?
What Girls Said
I just want to warn you... raising a kid alone is extremely hard. You don't know if you'll fall in post partum depression or psychosis. You'll need support for sure. But I support your dreams on being a mom. Why not adopt?
Raising a kid alone is only hard if you dont have enough money. I do have enough money to raise a child.
I already had depression for 15 years with no support. What makes you think i can't survive post partum depression?
Why would you support single motherhood by adoption if you were just shaming single motherhood in the first place? That makes no sense
By adoption I meant adopting an older child. Maybe 6. Depression and post partum are two very different depressions. I went through both so I know
Depression is Depression. Having beem through 15 years of depression shows i can handle the worst of the worst. Long term. No weakling would be able to handle depression for so long. I am a strong person and I am not afraid of "hard". I am not afraid of depression
And please, dont try to tell me i shouldn't do single motherhood then tell me its a good idea to be a single mother to an older child. Its contradictory and makes no sense
It's not good to be a single mother with an infant. How are you going to take care of a newborn when you can barely take care of yourself. It's hard! Stop being hard headed. I feel bad for the baby already
I went to school full time while working a full time job. Suffered from depression almost 20 years. I have faced and overcome immense challenges in life so stop saying i can't do it
Im planning on doing a work from home job within the first 5 years. Then after it is old enough to attend kindergarten, i will find an in person job. Once it starts school, i will send it to an afterschool program where they will be babysat til 6pm. I grew up in afterschool programs.
If you wanted a child, badly enough you will find ways to make things work. Rather than look for reasons on how it would never work
A good parent is someone who recognizes that their child is worth all the hard work and sacrifices. No good parent will ever back down cuz parenting is hard
Life is hard. Parenting shouldn't be any different
These days wfh jobs don't want you to use your job as a baby sitter they are really strict. I'm not saying don't but you want to avoid it as much as you can. I was the same as you.
I wanted to kick my partner out the house, I fell out of love with him at the time. My Therapist kept warning me not to break up with him. To just focus on myself but work with him on raising our soon to be newborn. I'm glad I listened because at the time my partner had to take over several times. My mood kept getting extremely low where all I could do was sleep. It's also best to have a Two parent household. I already know you will take offense to this but you'll understand when the child gets bigger.
@opinion owner
Like I said, I am not afraid of hard. You may be afraid of hard because you're not used to hard. Getting through college was hard for me. At one point, I was sleeping 2-3 hrs a night because I was juggling 2 internships, 1 part time job, taking 5 courses all at the same time. Studying for my CPA was hard, I only slept 4 hours a day for almost a year because I was working a full time job and also had to pass a test. That wasn't the end of my troubles, I worked a job through nursing school. Graduated, studied for my licensing exam (really rough), paid my entire tuition without taking out loans. I did it all by myself.
If you ever attended college full time while working full time, you would know what a nightmare it really is. Especially if graduation can't end the nightmare... there's the licensing exams that you need to pass.
Finding a husband/ dating was extremely rough for me.
Fact is... "hard" is normal for me. Nothing in my life had been easy. I had a rough childhood being raised by 2 parents. Having 2 parents is no gauruantee that a child will have a good happy childhood. It really has to do with the quality of the parents. I'd rather be raised by an amazing single mother than 2 crappy parents.
I hear you. And I don't want to be the one convinced. I think you've convinced yourself enough on this one. Much luck and love to you on your journey
@opinion owner
I have the financial stability to comfortably raise a child all on my own because I have persevered and chased goals relentlessly throughout my life. I never gave up. Good things come from perseverance.
Thanks for your good wishes.
I’m sorry that’s been your experience. Personally, I don’t want that. I want marriage and a family.