Do intellectually gifted men fall in love with women of average intelligence?

[Anonymous]

I chatted with our new neighbor once at his place for 2 hours and it turned out that he was intellectually gifted and went to college at the age of 16. After I went home he texted me that he was fascinated by me and that he missed me already. I feel really weirded out by this since I didn’t tell him anything interesting about me and I’m average in all aspects. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want to hook up with me but I’m pretty sure that he craves companionship and comfort after his failed marriage with a woman who also happened to be gifted. He told me that two “alphas“ in a relationship were too much and that he just wants a partner he can relax around and enjoy life with. Does it mean he is looking for someone that is not as intelligent as he is? And is that the reason he love bombed me early on? I just don’t understand why someone who is ambitious and successful in his professional life would act so desperate in his dating life that he would settle for any woman that is nice to him. Is that normal for intelligent men? Do they just want a woman that makes him feel superior and gives him comfort?

[Anonymous]

Being compatible is kinda tricky. It can be very hard to date someone with lower intelligence as their understanding of the world will differ. If your intelligence level differs, at least you have to find some common ground. It's hard for intelligent people as most don't wanna date them or misunderstand them as arrogant. A lot of intelligent guys are nerdy, bookish, shy, and spend a lot of time reading. That can turn off girls who aren't into them.

Richard Feynmann was a Nobel laureate physicist, his wife left him as he used to spend hours on research.

I liked a girl back in university. She was nowhere on the same intelligent as me but I liked her singing. She wasn't comfortable in public singing, but I helped her with that so much, I helped her with a conference presentation on her subject where she got the first prize. She told me that even though she liked me she didn't want to be seen with someone as nerdy as me in public and I didn't have cars, money, or dress like other cool dudes and she may consider dating me only later in life. Most of my interactions with girls are like this so far... you would be surprised to find out that women aren't generally nice with intelligent men. So if someone behaves nicer, we wonder why!!!

[minzgeprahl]

How did you know that she was not near as intelligent as you?

[minzgeprahl]

What did she study?

[Opinion Owner]

@minzgeprahl intelligence can't actually be measured and I find IQ tests as dumb. But I think I am above average when it comes to understanding. Plus I had near perfect photographic memory once, not so perfect now anymore thanks to years of abuse. I don't know may be can improve again in future. But I still can remember almost everything and learn a new branch of physics/ math completely within one or two days. I have finished two masters degrees so far and a grad student in physics at a well known uni. She was from geography department. She used to forget what food she had in morning, couldn't split money without calculators, mostly clueless about her own subject. I know that I shouldn't have said like this 🫣

[minzgeprahl]

Many gifted people are extremely forgetful and have learning disabilities though

[Opinion Owner]

@minzgeprahl Yeah but only a few cases and I doubt that they had learning disabilities. Psychology is weird and a lot of times aren't really scientific, a lot of times they are based on philosophy and logic that can be discarded. We are yet to find out many mysteries of the brain and mind. What they had was a struggle to grasp stuff in conventional ways. I can be forgetful too, specifically small things... sometimes I get lost in thoughts while walking or cycling and end up in a different neighborhood.
I have seen some gifted girls, one was particularly bright, talked with her for hours one day, a few years back. Best interaction with a girl so far, but she was way older and was engaged.
This particular girl that I talked about earlier wasn't bright but intelligent one of the stupidest people you can meet, and didn't particularly have any other kindness or humble qualities but yes I liked her singing. I like girls who can sing well.

[minzgeprahl]

I don’t get the first sentence of the last paragraph „wasn’t bright but intelligent one of the stupidest people you can meet“

[minzgeprahl]

And how do you know a girl is gifted. Did you ever develop a serious crush on a girl that was not bright?

[Opinion Owner]

@minzgeprahl wasn't particularly bright or intelligent but rather crass. You can know if someone is rather gifted. It can be speculated by viewing their face, eyes, expressions, the way they talk, the knowledge of any topic they have, and their excitement to share it with others. I don't think there's any general formula but you can feel it. It's like you have found your missing piece.
I don't always look for higher intelligence, that would hinder my already lower chances of finding someone. You can have other talents and be passionate about them, like the things that I like, be patient with me (sometimes I can be a bit too much, or be depressed, sad ), like animals... We are more than just our intelligence, and intelligence can be rather a cross that you have to carry around your whole life. Einstein once said that, in another life, he would prefer to be a plumber over a scientist.

[minzgeprahl]

Yeah I get that you’re not looking for higher intelligence but have you ever experienced love or infatuation at first sight with a girl you considered not bright in the past? Or what exactly makes you fawn over a girl instantly?

[Opinion Owner]

@minzgeprahl Yes a few infatuations with not-so-bright girls in the past, liked this girl very much too. We were living far from our home town (same) and I am particularly very good at cooking. She used to come very often for food.

[minzgeprahl]

what exactly made you fall for them immediately and what makes a girl very attractive and interesting to you? And what is the difference between a gifted person and someone you consider intelligent but not gifted?

[Opinion Owner]

@minzgeprahl "And what is the difference between a gifted person and someone you consider intelligent but not gifted?" I have hinted at some of it in the past comments and too lazy to elaborate it more.
I don't fall in love immediately but rather take some time to allow new people, especially girls. I don't have very good experience with the opposite gender so I am cautious. For starters, she can be conventionally attractive 🤪, after all, I am a guy. She can be kind towards animals, well-read, likes to learn anything new, and has hobbies and talents. I don't have any specific list but rather go with the flow.
Why are you so curious? 🤔

[minzgeprahl]

Because there is this guy that keeps acting desperate around me after only talking to him once and he claims I am fascinating etc etc. At first I thought he just wants to have sex with me but he seemed genuinely depressed when I explained to him that I don’t want to date him and he talks about me to his coworkers and his family. I don’t understand what makes him fawn over me because I’m not special in any way and we only talked about mundane topics

[Opinion Owner]

@minzgeprahl Sometimes we do not see ourselves as others see us. It seems like you have a little low self-esteem. The guy also is into you as he's interested in more than just sex. But only talking once and this much infatuation is too much and he may be lonely or having trouble attracting other girls. If you aren't interested in him at all why do you care so much and just block/ghost him? May be deep down you care a little.
How physically attractive are you?

[minzgeprahl]

I like him but I don’t want a Relationship with any guy.
I think looks wise I’m a 6/10 and I’m also his type since he likes girls of my nationality. Given his age (late 40s) I think he has trouble attracting women. When we talked he kept praising my smile, said I have amazing eyes and told me he felt comfortable around me and that he could be himself around me. He also made a joke about us marrying and was texted me later that he missed me and that he had a crush on me. He keeps showering me with compliments and tells me what he thinks I want to hear for instance he claimed he wanted kids and when I told him I don’t want any ever he says he doesn’t like kids either. He keeps sending me pictures of his work place, himself and flours in his garden every day. I like him but I don’t want to date a guy that only pursues me because he is desperate but can’t find anyone else. I already confronted him about my suspicions many times but he keeps denying it and tells me that I’m special and that he never felt like this about a woman before (which let’s face it, it’s bullshit)

[Opinion Owner]

@minzgeprahl he seems too desperate for a 40-year-old guy and not even particularly intelligent. "I like him but I don’t want to date a guy that only pursues me because he is desperate but can’t find anyone else" Sometimes guys can struggle to find a girlfriend, particularly smart/nerdy ones. Preselection is very common with girls and most of the time that backfires.
Seems like you had given mixed feelings and not a certain yes and no. I would say make up your mind and properly communicate it to him. If it's a complete no and he still acts desperately then block him.

[minzgeprahl]

I need accommodation and he offered me a room in his flat share though :/
Do you think thr he just likes me because he is desperate and not because he finds me genuinely interesting?

[Opinion Owner]

@minzgeprahl these things can't be said as I don't know either of you in person. Maybe he's, maybe not... you have to talk to him more face to face. It's not a very good idea to share accommodation in such confusing conditions.

[Cheapskate]

I'm not successful as an adult, but I got the highest grades in my class throughout primary school. Don't know what that counts for. But I consider myself okay intelligent. And I have never really been super into very intellectual women. I tend to have a weakness for bimbo-like women and women like that chick in Breakfast at Tiffany's. I have been in relationships, though, where I felt like, boy, we have nothing much to talk about, because our interests just don't align at all, I like the highbrow stuff and you like the lowbrow stuff.

I think smart people grew up in smart families and maybe they are kind of sick of smart people. So people who are more normal and maybe more emotionally stable or just less. . . boring appeal to them.

[StarWarGirl]

Relationship is not always about similarities but sometimes dissimilarities feels attractive to us as it gives us a different perspective of seeing same thing which we find interesting because we couldn't see it like this. It's not like compromising, or settling for less but it is fun. It adds up spices into relationship. Being inteligent isn't always helpful in every aspect of life. It has their limitations too. For example generally inteligent people find it very difficult to make friends because they see relationship on the ground of logic etc so for them it feels great to see the person who are very social and able to maintain a good social group. So it's like being complimentary to eachother in relationship if they are of different levels of person.

[Asker]

Yeah. But him telling me he wants someone who is not as intelligent as his ex and then love bombing me is quite insulting as if it was so obvious to him that I’m intellectually inferior to him.

[StarWarGirl]

You are free to deny his proposal. You need not to be in such kind relationship where you do feel insulted kind also you should not be.

[Asker]

Would you be insulted if you were in my situation or am I overravting?

[StarWarGirl]

No it's totally fine. You have faced the situation, only you know in which manner it has got said to you, you know better which kind person he is, so only you can judge it. So it's totally fine.

[StarWarGirl]

I think I also may feel like insulted if someone would tell me like this. But it could be different from person to person. And it's totally ok to feel whatever we do feel. Also you are not at your mature age, you can trust your feelings.

[Revolutioner_83]

intelligent men look for your heart at the same time. And you are a good girl and have good habits he can like you

[war_daddy]

they can. sounds like he learned from his past experiences.