I am under the impression that if I saw red flags early on when potentially dating someone, I’d cut them off. Is it because I’ve never been in love?

[Anonymous]

I watch true crime where the ex lovers of these serial killers talk about how love made them do stupid things, these killers showed really early on they were trouble & these women continued to stay with them because they were so in love with these guys. 29F & being under the impression that I have an avoidant attachment style, over the years I’ve ended “friendships” when I grew tired of dealing with their behaviors that didn’t sit well with me. I have a habit of letting things build up & just eventually ice them out vs confronting them early on. Not to mention, when guys showed earlier on during the talking stages that they may have ways about them that don’t sit well with me, I’ll end it from going any further. Someone I saw very briefly in my early twenties previously dated a girl that was probably bipolar & put him through shit, I would make comments like how I couldn’t believe he still stayed with her through all of that. And he pretty much implied I can’t understand why he did that because I’ve never been in love. I hate being spoken down to, condescension results in me dipping out asap. Again, I pump the brakes in any kind of interpersonal relationship. Am I naive in assuming I’m this way because I just have a strong personality? Or is it because I haven’t met the person that has me so enamored & it results in me being strung along? Thoughts? Similar experiences?

Yes, it’s because you’ve never been in love

No, it’s who you are

[Mr_twoface]

I would say, being able to recognize and react to red flags early can be a healthy and positive trait. It may indicate that you have clear boundaries and a strong sense of what you are not willing to tolerate and not in any given relationship. However, if you find yourself cutting off relationships very quickly, it might also be a sign that you are wary of becoming vulnerable with someone else. Maybe past experiences play a role here or the fear of getting hurt, or not having yet experienced a deep, trusting love. Love often involves navigating imperfections and conflicts, which can teach us a lot about compromise, tolerance, and growth.

Sometimes, having never been deeply in love might lead to idealistic expectations of what relationships should be like. This can make any flaw or red flag seem like a deal-breaker, as it doesn't match the idealized version of a partner or relationship.

[DaisyM23]

i completely get you because i like to think that i cut out any toxic behaviour early and i don't understand why people stay/deal with bad shit BUT it is very easier said than done
maybe it is just you and your personality, and it is a good thing that you set your own boundaries and respect them, but it could also be avoidant attachment

[strateguy632]

no, you gave yourself good advice to blok those