What is traits of a dominant man? That is not controlling or slips over into abusive?

[Crimsyjo]

I thought I wanted a dominant man. But all I get is possessive, untrustworthy, jealous, controlling types. Maybe I need to stop using the word dominant. I don't want a man that sits back and let's the woman organise everything and make all the decisions. I want a man who is responsible but also adventurous. A man with goals or aspirations. A man who wants to work towards bettering himself and his life. Not just happy to wallow and be lazy. I want a man who is strong, protective and can take the lead. But also cares and considers me and is not afraid to show his emotions to me. Show me that he adores me as much as i him. Maybe I should say I want a confident man? Is that better? Cos if i say dominant I get men who then think I'm submissive and want to be controlled. And I don't.

[Anonymous]

It seems you think you need one word to describe the man you want, but that won't work because a man can be both confident and an asshole, or both dominant and insecure. It sounds to me like you want a man who is both dominant and confident, as well as kind, compassionate, and all those other things you mentioned.

[Crimsyjo]

Oh yes. That's it. My recent ex was very dominant and very insecure. And I loved the dominant traits. But he lacked the goal, drive and emotional intelligence I need. So yes. Dominant-confident. But not asshole. Haha. Maybe i should put that at top of my next dating profile!

[Billlewis]

That's the quandary many women find themselves in when they decide to pursue a relationship with a dominant guy. You never know exactly what you're going to get, but if he's open to compromise, he may be amenable to refining his repertoire to better suit your personal preferences.

[Crimsyjo]

Ohhh. But you really can't tell which type he is can you? Not from the dating sites. Not from the first month of dating. Does that mean we women just have to keep going from short term to short term relationship and heart break until we find the one that fits?

[Billlewis]

You have to in effect, audition each guy in turn, until you find the right combination.

[Crimsyjo]

Yes. I know. You are very right. I also need to be able to say "nope" at the first sign. I just don't like "judging a book by the cover" so even tho everyone else takes one look and says "nope. He's a bad one" I just can't help thinking awwww... what if he just wants to be loved. And he gets overlooked cos everyone jumps to bad opinions of him without giving him a chance".. I am a fool I know. I can't help it. I have a fawn personality. I rescue animals. I work with old and dying. I'm too soft and I believe in giving everyone a chance! But it's not working for me.

[Billlewis]

I just DM'd you again.

[LordMadara]

I wish women would stop playing mind games and stop the practice of their outdated & flawed mate selection program coz clearly its not working out for them (Shooting aimlessly and randomly even at their own feet)

[Crimsyjo]

I can tell you it's definitely not on purpose! Maybe upbringing, society, cultural expectations and numerous other influences contribute to this idea of what we should want? I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out what I think I am looking for. And how to go about making it clear on a dating site.

[LordMadara]

your biological make up as a woman was not intended for critical thinking, im at a loss for words but your gender was created that way not to have a firm belief or control over mate selection 🙄

id say go with your mood , however men are slowly dying out , so you might want to tap into your masculine mode and grab your object of desire before its taken away from you 🤷🏽‍♂️

these are desparate times and need critical thinking skills

[AngryCarl]

It depends. Do you really want a man who is going to support you, or one who will degrade you in a safe and consensual manner? Because either one will be like finding a needle in a social haystack.

[John_Cobretti]

"Who think I'm submissive" ? So you're not?

You honestly won't attract genuine dominant men without being submissive

[Crimsyjo]

Oh I know. Or I don't. I'm confused lol. Cos I'm fiery and and I don't like being told what to do. I give as good as I get. But in the bedroom I want a guy that will take charge and be rough and make me do things. But outside the bedroom? I want to be equal. Or take turns making decisions. I don't know. I just don't wanna be like a mum to all the guys I meet!

[John_Cobretti]

That's pretty much perfect mindset , and yes that's a sign of dominant man , he might love rough sex in bed but won't treat you bad like that in life
I think you did a great job explaining the traits in your question it

[Berethor]

Should not say that you want a dominant man if you not submissive or if you want a cuck.

[Crimsyjo]

Yh OK. I get that! So that's why should I say I want a confident man? Is that the difference? I want a man that can make his own decisions and not afraid to take charge?

[Berethor]

You can't in one word tell what you looking for, you need to give details like here.

[LiamS95]

You want a very confident man that's able to take control but still values your input and desires. Is loving and caring. What do you think?

[Crimsyjo]

Can you get such a match? Lol.
How do you tell from dating apps who is going to have these qualities? Men I get on well with in chat then turn round and say they are used to the woman organising everything, and like woman to take charge in bedroom. No no no. I don't want that. So I try go for the more "I'm a man" man haha. But then they can't have conversation. They are all about practical and logical things. And don't understand the emotional turbulence of women lol. Or well. That's just my experience haha

[NathanDavis]

sensitive and smart, truly confident..

experienced as well

[bowenw]

I think you need an equal who is as assertive or as comprising as the situation requires.

[Crimsyjo]

So just ask for an equal? Nothing more. Nothing less? 😊

[bowenw]

Basically, yes. Someone without a huge ego that thinks their way is automatically better. A partnership where you know each other's strengths and weaknesses and respect each other.

[Twalli]

Yeah, you want a man who knows who and what he is and what he wants. You also don't want orn who tries to appear unemotional to seem strong.