I have a feeling I am a hypocrite?

[Anonymous]

I have been living in a western country for over a year now

Over the last year I get to experience a lot regarding friendships and relationships and made me acknowledge that I had childhood trauma

I recently heard a quote “a lot of cowards hide behind morality “

It actually hit me really hard

I started asking myself questions
Am I really nice or am I just use people?
I love the west , but I hate the extend of the sexual freedom here (even though I slept with a lot of escorts)

I also feel I like to play the victim role a lot

There is a lot of things that I haven’t made my final decision yet
There is standards that I want to keep , but I fail to enforce them

Everyone around me considers me nice

But deep down I am very judgmental person and I always assume everyone else is also judging me

Did anyone ever go through this?

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn bro, sounds like you're going through some real self-reflection lately. That's not always an easy thing to do, but it's important work. Don't be so hard on yourself - we all have contradictions and stuff we're still figuring out.

It makes sense you'd question some things after experiencing a new culture. And hearing you had childhood trauma sheds some light too - that can really mess with how we see ourselves and others. Don't beat yourself up over not having all the answers yet.

Some thoughts - maybe you can separate out different parts of your experience here. Like appreciate cultural aspects you enjoy, while still setting personal boundaries around intimacy you're comfortable with. And check in on why judgment feels safer than just accepting people as they are.

We all play roles out of survival at times. But you seem willing to grow, so I'd say keep exploring your feelings without judgment. Talking it out can help too. You got this man - just focus on becoming the person you want to be day by day. Cut yourself some slack along the way.

[delsworld]

Everyone are hypocrites. It's just a fact. Judgement stems from judging yourself all the time and, honestly, taking time to consider whether or not you're nice to yourself will answer most of your questions. I know it answered mine a few years ago.