How many dates before declaring someone a boyfriend/girlfriend/so?

Question

How many dates would you go on with a person before declaring them to be your boyfriend/girlfriend/SO? What would make you choose to give the person that "status" in your life?

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

My first girlfriend took 2 years of knowing and meeting up with occasionally to get into a relationship with. That relationship was extremely toxic and probably the worst decision of my life. After being on and off for 3 years (more off than on), we permanently ended things.

After that and a couple years in between, my second girlfriend took me 6 months of dating occasionally to decide we were in a relationship. That was a great relationship until the end and it lasted 3 years with a little on and off at the end.

1 year after that, with my last ex, we started talking on Bumble (a dating app) for 6 hours one night, then decided that we would meet up the next morning. I biked to her area and we chilled for a couple hours and felt really connected... flowing communication, similar views, sharing thoughts about life and society's current state, what gives people happiness in life... the whole skedazzle. The date ended up with a kiss on a bench and I felt pretty sure about her and told her something along the lines of "Look I'm feeling really good about this right now. I feel like we really click. Rather than wait and second guess everything, I'm good to commit right now. I'm sure that I'm good with you." She said she was too and basically on that first date, we decided on making it official. It only lasted a year until she had her own reasons for leaving, but it was a great relationship while it lasted.

My point in sharing all of these experiences is that there is nothing written in black and white when it comes to dating. There are no rules or timeline. You just go with what you feel while respecting the other person's boundaries.

I think that having more experiences in serious long term relationships gives you a better perspective and helps you filter the ones you want to be with, which does help you shorten the time you need in getting to know the other person. You also start to value time more when you're older and waste less time getting to the point.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

The chemistry and connection we share together , if we both are making an effort to see each other as much as possible , and enjoy spending time together as much as possible. , they make you a priority like you make them , that’s pretty much when you can both decide to be in a committed relationship together

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

As soon as we've decided it's legitimately going somewhere and we're both interested.  Could be the first few dates, could be a few months of dating. With my late husband, by the third date we knew we would be getting married. But, we'd also been around one another in social gatherings for a while prior to that. I would not continuing dating or being pressured for sex by* someone who doesn't know what he wants or is constantly in limbo. There are other guys who will be serious and not mess around with the "are we or aren't we?" nonsense. Basically a guy who won't define a relationship is a guy who isn't interested in "staking a claim", so to speak. If a guy doesn't stake a claim, he isn't interested or in love. He doesn't want the girl, but she wants him so of course he'll allow it to drag on as long as she is willing. But I would also be dating for commitment and marriage, not an ambiguous situationship "thing" because I was lonely, or had to have someone constantly in my life. I have kids, may even have another kid in the future, and they need a good example of mature adult behavior in relationships. I'd rather stay single than be dangled, personally. Marriage is a lot of work and I take commitment very seriously. Just my perspective, though. :D * Wouldn't date someone who pressured me for sex regardless.

Vesuvius87 · Accepted Answer

As soon as you starting kissing each other a lot and talking about your goals, values, etc. There is no real number as to how many dates you become exclusive. For my now fiance and me, it was during his visit to my country on Nov 2023. We didn't really declare it but the acts and gestures said it all. It was basically an nonverval exclusivity declaration.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Whenever we have the talk about dating exclusively and monogamously. That has been as early as the third date and as late as two months of dating.

mono_gram · Answer

I don’t think there should be a set number of dates before declaring your status. It more about what feels right. For some people they only need a few dates to determine whether they want to be with that person. For others they need much more time to open up and get close to that person before determining anything. They also say that you just know if that person if the one.

I was having a conversation with the people I work with (they are from Korea) and they were like I guess people in America don’t really formally ask each other out. I can’t attest to that since I’ve only been in a relationship with a Korean, but I wonder how true that is.

Lliam · Answer

It usually happened within the first two or three dates for me. If we were physically attracted to each other and got on really well, we would start dating exclusively. Why keep searching?
Once we started dating exclusively, we got to know each other better and better, including sexually.
We would look forward to talking and seeing each other, hanging out, chatting, going places and doing fun things together, sharing experiences, holding hands, walking with our arms around each other, kissing, cuddling, having lots of sex.

I wouldn't date someone who continued going on dates with other men at the same time. Either she is into me or she isn't. And I wouldn't disrespect her by searching for other women.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

It used to be as soon as we wanted to go on a first date together.
Now everyone has an issue with putting that label out there, which I have a hard time understanding. I suppose it is cuz dumb asses believe they have so many options these days. I guess I would declare it when they do but I seriously don't even think there is even a point to try dating anymore. I'm not into how much it feels like I am competing for a title with someone, I rather stay alone.

Purpleronnie · Answer

Colour me strange but I’ve always asked the woman to be my girlfriend or words to that effect when I feel I want it to become more serious which then tells her that I want it to be just us, and not actively dating other women. For me it could never be about the amount of dates , if anything for me that would suggest not moving forward. I asked when I've known enough about the girl or woman to be reasonably confident there was enough there , enough chemistry , attraction and substance. This would generally always be before we were intimate with each other too as I feel that sex just confuses things if too early in a relationship unless all it’s meant to be is a ONS.

RetroReviews · Answer

I don't think it's like a cookie cutter thing where there's a preset number it depends on the two individuals and the connection they feel. The first meeting could go extremely great and they feel the zing and the zap and say to each other I found what I'm looking for I want to be with you. Flip side of the coin it could take multiple dates 5, 6, 7 maybe 10 dates before both people say yeah let's do this. All depends on the dynamic between the two individuals.

Grond21 · Answer

It's not about a number of dates, it's about how much effort have you put in to getting to know each other such that you can make a good determination about whether or not they are someone you want to pursue marriage with. It shouldn't take too many dates, but there's not an exact number

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

It might be one date, two or more, some people show all their cards deck from the 1st meeting and some people takes years to reveal their true nature!

Sometimes you meet someone and you get along fast as if you knew each other from years ago and some people whom you knew from years ago acts as if you were new to each other!

BCRanger10 · Answer

We went on three dates before we at least made it clear that we weren't going to see other people. We became "official" not long after.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

If it looks like it is heading to official dating status, maybe 5 dates. I think fewer in the younger years. Of course not all dating relationships lead to boyfriend/girlfriend status. There is a lady who I've gone on probably 20 dates with but it is more less implied that we are just good friends.

Universaldance · Answer

A couple of dates are fine but hanging out is where its at for me. ll declare with her after watching a couple of movies together.. but she can't be too much of a talker and she can't be getting up every 10minutes or being on her phone all the time when we’re together

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I don't really base something like that on the number of dates, it's more the feeling I get that we are both in the same place and then obviously asking her if she's ready to declare we are boyfriend/girlfriend.

If I was to estimate it though, likely a few months of dating, that means seeing each other a little bit throughout the week, depending on work schedules and on the weekends.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

lol... this is something hard to define for me... as if I want to go out with a man who is not my friend, and we both are interested in each other... it means I like him already... and he also likes me... I don't go out with strangers :D

Ευδεμονια · Answer

I honestly think actually I’d be going forever without telling the girl, until it’s the girl declaring it. I understood that declaring my sentiments only brings bad things.

strangeatcircleK · Answer

It depends how long the dates are and how personal they are.

It's possible to be boyfriend and girlfriend in one day, sometimes it could take a year

It all depends on the experience and intimacy you share

Think of one of those corny disaster movies with a kiss at the end 😂

Dongie · Answer

It could be one, or up to three. I think it would be clear by three but I don't know. It seems sometimes one comes along and you feel like a fish being played, the amusement shows in her eyes. I just wonder am I her toy or is she just uncommitted. Either way it breaks up the monotonous drivel.
This is mostly theory as I haven't felt like a toy for many decades. Ahh, for the good ol' days.

MrGSpotHer · Answer

Well I don't know really I don't feel like I actually have they always ask me but it's after being around them for a while I don't feel comfortable untill I have lived with them a while don't know someone really untill then could be up to anything

4ngelic · Answer

i dont think it's a matter of dates but more of like how much you're into each other

SotiCoto · Answer

Why would it be a matter of date-count? The boyfriend / girlfriend label is applied when both participants agree to it. Simple as that.

BetaBucks · Answer

Zero dates necessary. We just have to spend time together. Doesn't have to be in a formal date setting. I was never into that anyway. A few weeks of that is good enough for me. But it can also be "never" if I don't like the girl. If been in the "dating" phase with a girl for like four months and never actually considered her a girlfriend. Other people did, but she was a scumbag, so I wasn't trying to claim that status.

SugarSugarplum · Answer

Second date. If you ask me out on a second date and you're not willing to be exclusive, then you fail the life-partner test.

OhLongJohnsoning · Answer

i mean, there's really no set number, however, they say sex, is the third date, so, i would think that would be the time to talk about it. of course thats just a guideline, i get that not everyone is ready for sex by the third date

MrGTAB · Answer

I don't worry about official labels. If we keep seeing each other and it seems stable then we should have a conversation about not cheating and of course expectations.

chanelkitty24 · Answer

My girlfriend and I were official after our 3rd date. When you know you know

Meisdipa · Answer

No of dates shouldn't be a thing. Just go with a flow. If it works nice if not also nice just means you both are not for each other

Likes2drive · Answer

Probably after 2 months of dating or about 10 dates I suppose

NathanDavis · Answer

interestingly enough... I never really dated anyone before we were a couple we would hang out though

icedragoom · Answer

I would say by date number 3 your good to call it officially dating

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

After the 3rd date if you can't say that's your girlfriend or boyfriend then they don't wanna be with you.

Booklover_90 · Answer

We’d have to have that conversation.

handsomelad70 · Answer

I'd say three.

Nirmroth · Answer

Based on the feeling not the number

eagle1951 · Answer

depends on if i like her right away

LiamJHayden · Answer

No set number

Anonymous · Answer

You're old and you don't know?

How many dates before declaring someone a boyfriend/girlfriend/so?

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How many dates in until you become boyfriend and girlfriend?

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