When should a date disclose that they have a kid (s)?

[Anonymous]

Before you even go out with them

On the first date

A couple dates in

When they are ready to

[TheRealPepperPotts]

I would let them know when we started messaging as soon as I felt it might lead to an actual date and here's why:

1. I'm not putting that information on a dating profile for the safety of my kids. A good vetting question might be "How do you feel about dating someone with kids?" at some point in the messaging.

2. A reasonable person should understand that, as long as you let them know prior to the first date or within a reasonable time of messaging back and forth.

If the prospective date gets mad or name-calls with the ASAP disclosure, they aren't a mature person. However, if they say, "Thanks for telling me. I don't think that's a future I can see for myself. I wish you and the kiddos the best", that's letting you know their personal preferences and limits. That's a reasonable and mature response. Undertaking kids right away in a relationship/marriage is not something to take on flippantly or without serious consideration.

Above a certain age, though, guys and gals should be prepared that someone who is attractive, interesting and mature on a dating app has likely been married and/or has kids. The perfect person? Yeah, someone probably already found them... :D

I would personally be a little concerned if a guy (or gal) didn't hesitate at least a little. He will have not just one, but multiple new, complex relationships he will be building simultaneously and that is a huge demand on a person. He will also have the strain of the kids wanting to make sure mom still loves them just as much, and/or the tension of them loving their biological father (dead or living), and resisting connection with the new guy out of loyalty. It's an investment that not many people are prepared to take, and that isn't a criticism. It's an acknowledgment that it's a challenge.

[Kori1236]

Probably before a date. Weed out the people that aren’t interested in kids or being a parent. For those that are still interested I would make it clear they won’t meet the kid until both parents are comfortable with it (assuming the parent dating is on good terms with ex or sadly widowed)

[strangeatcircleK]

On dating apps it's right away

Besides, if you had a kid you would probably want someone that would share that with you anyway

However, it's tricky when they say my kids will always come first

And I totally get that 100 percent

I was a little kid that watched a mom feed all her kids, including me, box Mac and cheese with kool aid while she gave her date wine and shrimp

But it's still important for a date to know that they are still valuable to you. I see so many times on dating apps, kids come first

Normal adults should recognize that kids need things from their parents instead of expecting their date to wait on them hand and foot

[V_Injector]

I have a policy of giving her a way to just leave if she feels like it.

I'm not trying to "trap" women like some pathetic desperate simp.

In a perfect world... women would do the same.

But I get it... you choose to hand your belly over to some other guy's baby for at least 9 months and you obviously can't pick what's best to...

... could put up with your shit or be dedicated enough to take care of what he put inside you.

Now you're desperate and making it another guy's problem through deception.

If your choice is not to disclose it from the start... pretty fucking deceptive you're being lady.

[OlderAndWiser]

I would not be upset with any woman who didn't disclose it before a first date. Any woman who is a good mother is proud of her children and she will inevitably talk about them on the first date. Or you can ask.

[Avicenna]

As soon as possible, because you want to weed out the people who don't want to date you because you're a parent. I'd rather she know in advance, if possible.

[DishLady]

By the end of the first conversation if you met in person (or if it’s from an app, mention “had kids” in the profile).

[Apple1996]

Crazy dangerous to put that on a profile since child predators will date single parents to get easy access to childern

[kylee2437]

Within the first date. Don’t waste big amounts of time with people that don’t want someone with children.

[dragoblack]

Dating someone with a kid is totally different from dating someone without. You have to be willing to accept that she will be focusing most of her time to taking care of her kid leaving not a lot of time for romance, compared to someone without kids. There's also the thing of, you will be in the kids life, even if it is temporary or as a non-parent figure... whether the parent wants to or not, interaction with the kid/kids is inevitable as long as the relationship persists. If you don't tell your date you have a kid, you will find, finding someone will be insanely difficult, because people don't like being kept in the dark and lied to.

[Pyrofox]

4th date+ and before meeting the potential FIL or MIL. Could be a easy +1 for the other half if they get along with the kid XD. Especially if the grandparents are like you bring the grandkid with or don't bother coming at all stipulation.

[Pyrofox]

In my personal case I often end up cornered by my dates with jealousy and then they end up biting their tongue. When I disclose the girls I'm with aren't me cheating as much as they are my nieces.

And the final I guess semi test of any girl I'm dating in this situation is how they respond to my youngest niece dropping "Aunt?"

[DannyUk2017]

The sooner the better... Because otherwise if you/him develop feelings for each other and find out that one of you has kids, then, that person might not want to become "father/mother" for him/her and the break up will have dire consequences...

[HawkPerception]

At the very beginning. It should be disclosed even before seeing someone if you found them on a dating app. And if you meet them in person and there's any romantic intentions, it should be mentioned asap.

[just_a_potato]

It should be disclosed even before the first date, out of respect for the other person if they just don't date people with children. But that's as far as it should go. No pictures, no ages, and no names.

[GeminiDiamond]

I'm 50/50 before the date. I've never been through this yet, though. But if I were to date, I'd let them know, 50, I have a child, obviously by conversation. If it never came up, on the first date, by conversation.

[Nikki1989]

Someone is still almost a stranger, doesn't need to know anything.

[Apple1996]

Exactly this. For the safety of the child it shouldn't be brought up until that person is trustworthy

[sean1234]

Before of course, I mean what if they get back together with the person and your wondering thinking... what?

[SweetJoyGirl]

Preferably before I go out with the guy. I honestly do not want to be someone’s stepmother at my current age. 😭😭😭

[LiamJHayden]

I have none. I do not see a need for her to disclose this unless it looks like it might turn into something serious.

[bobalife]

Before or during the first date, so the person is well-aware of the extra package haha.

[avery58]

I think it should before even planning a date

[Apple1996]

Whenever they feel comfortable to share that info

[RetroReviews]

Before you go out with them if that's an issue why you waste each other's time

[Kayla45]

Before you start dating, this should be known in the friendship stage.

[RavVid]

Disclosing on the first date seems exploitative.

[elizamichale1]

Before going out... at the very start it shud be told

[bobby_bush_eater]

The first date the latest. How long can a girl not tell me about the people that her entire life revolves around?

[KostasKouvalis]

That's information I'd like to know before even asking them out honestly

[Sasquach]

Yes this needs to be brought up before or during the first date.

[Vegasrunner]

If it's a woman you probably want to wait. If it's a gut do it right away.

[Alexa04]

I say before so you’s don’t waste each others time.

[OhLongJohnsoning]

ASAP. We deserve to know, especially those of us who DESP. don't want kids

[BigManSAB]

You should let them know immediately. Because lots of people can’t deal with children!

[luvstoned4him]

at least before or on the date

[dustybiker2]

Initial meet or early in the first date.

[Finchie40]

Before the date

[Massageman]

The sooner the better.

[DrPepper12]

Thats up there with 'I have late stage syphilis".

[OtterMan68]

if they are honest, before the first date

[CieloAzul]

On the first date, dah

[MemeSupreme]

first date

[rosemilk]

immediately

[Anonymous]

Before the first date.

[Ms_Facesitter]

ASAP!!

[paledreams]

Before :)

[Booklover_90]

I’d like to know.

[jahaims]

First date