If a guy did you wrong in the past, should you give him another chance?

[Anonymous]

[VIVANT]

It’s hard to know without any details if you were both wrong or one of you is wrong or one he was being gaslit. If he objectively was the one in the wrong, should you give him another chance?

hmm that would depend on if you have all been on friendly terms and he seem to have really changed and it’s not likely trying to jump into something… as opposed to he’s just pretending because he wants something, but it’s hard to know from the outside and without any detail.

The main thing that I’ve noticed is one person being in the wrong is rarely the case and often times someone can feel like they were One in the wrong in the wrong because the other person is making them feel that way so it’s complicated.

on the other hand are really common game for people to play is to make the other person feel like they did all kinds of things when actually that first person is playing games.

And you didn’t give any details so there’s not much I can say beyond “ It depends” 🤷🏻‍♀️😊

[Asker]

I'm not sure if he has changed because I only follow him on social media and I haven't seen him in person. I know that he messaged me saying we should grab coffee sometime. He also gave me a compliment so I think his intentions are obvious.

What happened in the past was he felt I was playing games and stringing him along. He texted me one day and long story short it led to an argument and we stopped talking as a result. I think the problem was he liked me and he felt I was just using him for attention, boredom and emotional support. We talked for 3+ years and we never hung out once. He felt like I just wanted to be friends only on my terms.

[Anonymous]

Based off the comments, this isn’t the whole story, it sounds like you had a hand in this too and he called you out on it, not necessarily him doing you wrong. In this case it doesn’t sound like it’s wrong to follow him back on socials but I'm not sure what the point would be.

[Asker]

I don't think I had a hand in this. This guy I know he liked me but I told him I wanted to be just friends. It appears he was just friends because he was waiting on his opportunity

[Opinion Owner]

You say he felt like you were stringing him along and playing games. Maybe his approach to that conversation was wrong, or didn’t have to turn into an argument or him being disrespectful, but he had a motive and that’s why I say you had a hand, no matter how small. I’ve also had a man act under the guise of friendship, want more and then be upset I wasn’t offering that but I did feel bad for giving him the wrong impression. I’m more careful about that now, I don’t even accept male friends anymore.

[Asker]

He felt I was just using him for attention, when I was bored, and for emotional support. He felt I only treated him as a friend when it was beneficial for me but I didn't want to hang out or anything. There were situations when I texted him after midnight saying I was thinking about him. I texted him after midnight to ask him are you up? All of these things he took the wrong way. He said I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.

[Opinion Owner]

The thing is, what he feels was beneficial are just normal things friends do. We vent to each other, reach out when we’re bored, etc. But unfortunately he was interpreting that as something else and whether we meant to or not, we played a role in that. By we, I mean you and I in these friendships, because as stated before, I’ve been in your shoes. He’s demonstrating perfectly why it is so rare that men and women can be platonic friends from start to finish. Unless there are reasons that they can’t be together or don’t find each other attractive, then someone always catches feelings. Sadly in this case it was him, and despite not meaning to do so, you gave him the wrong impression. All you can do is take accountability, and never let it happen again.

[Radiate143]

Where did you get that from? This is a textbook case of a guy with a roster, who always needs female anything and he's back to her place on the wheel. Simple as.

[Opinion Owner]

@radiate I got that from using common sense. Maybe you should try it, rather than that nonsensical narrative.

[Radiate143]

If you say so.

[ohsheeT]

... People come into our lives for a lot of different reasons the summer genuine reasons..

And some are learning experiences reasons when a guy comes into your life and he knows right from wrong and when he does something to make you look at your relationship in a whole different way it's for a learning experience he's trying to tell you exactly who he is he doesn't know that's what he's doing because he doesn't even care he just doesn't and thinks that you're going to be there for him

With the amount of men there are in this world that guy already proved himself to you you don't need him to do it again... Because it's going to be a waste of time because everything might be cool and happy days for a while but he will do it again he told you exactly who he was when he did whatever he did with you or to you you don't need that again

[Summeroflove]

Like as a friend it would depend on how wrong it was if it lets say was a girl (since I’m not into dudes) I was romantically with again it depends on what she did as well as how many times it happened.

If it was something major like abuse, cheating, and stuff like that. Never…. I can forgive but I’m not taking someone like that back. As far as little stuff nobody is perfect but if someone refuses to ever acknowledge they’re wrong then it’s best to get rid of that person like a bad habit. Especially when they hold you accountable for everything but they excuse as well as justify anything they do.

It’s not worth jt to be with people like that and there’s better out there.

[Asker]

What if it was with a guy who felt I was playing games and stringing him along?

[Summeroflove]

Well it depends on why he felt that maybe there was games being played or maybe it just wasn’t good communication.

All in all if you want to try again ask him…. Just respect whatever answer you’re given

[Radiate143]

You felt that way, because HE WAS!!! And he is again. And will. And you're making yourself such an easy mark.

[Summeroflove]

@Radiate143 he probably was but if she’s also stringing him along then they’re really wasting one another’s time. It’s better to be the bigger person and just break it off

[Radiate143]

This is true

[Summeroflove]

@Radiate143 yeah I think she needs to learn that lesson and not do it again. I feel some people are sent into our lives to teach us something. Especially what NOT to do when you find the right person. As well as what people to avoid like the plague

[Radiate143]

Amen!

[OlderAndWiser]

He forgot your 4 month dating anniversary, or he cheated on you? Huge difference!

[ICanSmellTheCosmos]

^ This.

[BetaBucks]

He definitely forgot to buy her a half-birthday gift. That monster.

[jennifer_bloom]

I don't give bad apples a second chance as dates, cause I need to protect myself.

[Account]

Once my good opinion of someone is shattered, it is shattered forever.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

A chance is a chance & in some cases I believe in second chances. As for the guy who did you wrong in the past just remember lightning can strike twice & he could do you wrong again in the future as well. Do you think he is worth a second chance?

[thegreenyogi]

Whether or not you should I personally wouldn't. If he did it once he can do it again a thousand times over and people don't change. So why put yourself through that suffering again?

[Asker]

Would it be a bad idea to follow them back on social media?

[thegreenyogi]

Well that is entirely your choice but if you do you are setting yourself up for getting yourself sucked into it again because by following him, he will probably follow you back and you make it possible for him to approach you again and you will be tempted to give him another chance. I personally wouldn't but like I said before I am not you, I don't know the dynamics of your relationship and you know how you feel for the person in question.

[Asker]

He followed me first so I didn't think it would mean much if I followed him back. I'm curious if I followed him back would he assume that everything is cool between us or I forgive him

[thegreenyogi]

He probably would.

[Radiate143]

Yes, he will think that.

[Taniisokay]

No. Why repeat the shit again. I wouldn't take him back.

[Asker]

Would following him back on social media be a bad idea?

[Taniisokay]

I wouldn't follow him. That's bad idea.

[Asker]

Just curious why would it be a bad idea?

[Taniisokay]

I don't like the deal with past. That's me. But do you.

[Asker]

I understand what you are saying. Would following him back send him the message that I forgive him?

[Taniisokay]

I wouldn't. If you want then do it.

[Radiate143]

Yes, it does. He will play you even worse than before.

[Spotifyplaylist]

I believe it depends. Honestly, my first thought was the guy being a cheater, but that's not always the case. Him doing you wrong could mean a bunch of things, but I believe the most important part is protecting yourself.

[DanicaPhoenix]

Once trust is lost, I never truly give it back. There is an old saying my dad would say works here. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

[Crazzyyworld]

I think men are child emotionally and women are child mentally. So, if he made a mistake emotionally like a child, you can give him another chance I guess.

[Asker]

If he argued with me because we were friends but he felt I was playing games and stringing him along, does that deserve another chance?

[Crazzyyworld]

see? he is like a child emotionally.

[jackieistired]

They’re just going to keep showing you, why you should’ve listened to yourself the first time. I've did it a few times before, I always feel stupid, don’t do it

[LiamJHayden]

Unless you were both children, do not consider it.

[Asker]

So if we were both in our early 20s don't consider it?

[Anonymous]

Would I give a woman that did me wrong in the past another chance?

Absolutely not. But I'd be willing to let her try to change my mind before telling her, "no".

[nawtee_me]

Forgive him for the wrong he did you in the past but, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me….

[OddBeMe]

If you’re willing to forgive future wrongs. Because he will make the same ones and others now that he knows you’ll take him back.

[MyBrainsInsaneReign]

It depends on how he did you wrong, and whether you think he'd do it again.

[Nikki1989]

Depends on what kind of wrong.

[SweetJoyGirl]

Absolutely not.

[Asker]

Would following him back on social media be a bad idea?

[SweetJoyGirl]

Yes, it would.
He is coming back to see if you are still stupid. Trust me, I have been there and done that twice. LOL
After that, I learned my lesson. 😂

[Radiate143]

Finally, someone with some sense!!!

[Simslover92]

Depends on what he did.

[Asker]

He felt I was playing games and stringing him along so he started an argument where he was calling me out. He made it sound like I owe him something

[Simslover92]

He needs to honestly grow up then before you give him another chance.

[Asker]

How can you tell if has grown up if you don't give him another chance?

[Simslover92]

I would say give it time if you guys just broke up. He's not going to change overnight.

[Asker]

I wouldn't say we broke up because we never dated. This guy I just wanted to be his friend. Also this situation happened years ago

[Simslover92]

Oh ok then I would give him another chance then. I thought this was a recent break up you were describing.

[Asker]

no in the question I put in the "past". I'm scared about giving him another chance because I know he wants to take me out on a date

[Simslover92]

What's there to be scared of? I say you only live once. See how it goes. It could turn out to be really great and if it doesn't then what will it hurt? You don't like him like that?

[Asker]

The way he asked me on a date was cringe. He said "maybe we should grab coffee sometime" . I have a child and he also offered to pay for a babysitter. It sounds good but doesn't it sound too good to be true?

[Simslover92]

If you feel that way about it then don't go. If I felt cringe about something I would definitely go with my gut and not do it.

[Radiate143]

Bad bad bad advice. She will follow it. And get played.

[Simslover92]

I said in the end that she shouldn't do it if she feels cringe about it.

[Radiate143]

Good!

[Radiate143]

But women go with feelings too much. The objective data is what counts. That's how men deal with us. We need to start dealing with them like that.

[Radiate143]

*until they prove our emotions are safe with them. Recurring, repeatedly and with actions.

[Simslover92]

You're right. I should have said that from the beginning.

[Radiate143]

No you were spot on. Then she wants to make excuses because she wants to get back with him. Trying to save her from the trauma. So sick of women letting guys get the best of them for nothing in return but abuse.

[Radiate143]

Then the laugh at us behind our backs

[Radiate143]

No. Absolutely not.

[Asker]

Would it be a bad idea to follow them back on social media?

[Radiate143]

Yes.

[Asker]

Why would it be? What message would that send?

[Radiate143]

If you wanna get played again go right ahead. If they treated you poorly, you are convenient at best. If they are concealing a very sinister disposition, you could be mere qplliqnce to them. Like a dishwasher or a coffee pot. Block. Keep it moving. Invest in yourself and get some dignity.

[Radiate143]

I say this because I've been badly damaged thinking the best and giving people the benefit of th doubt when it was really about my own lack of self worth and low self esteem. Don't look back!!!

[Asker]

Why would a follow back mean I would get played again?

[Radiate143]

Did you read your own question? The message it sends is that you're a doormat.

[Little_Bumblebee]

Should? No.
If you don't want to, then don't.

[WhitneySnow]

Depends what he did

[BetaBucks]

Nah, fuck em

[Asker]

Would it be a bad idea to follow them on social media?

[BetaBucks]

I don't see what good can come of it. Do you?

[Asker]

What does it send if you follow them back?

[BetaBucks]

I wouldn't know

[rosemilk]

lol no

[Asker]

Would following them back on social media be a bad idea?

[rosemilk]

i'd let the past stay in the past

[Asker]

I agree. If they already followed you should you just ignore it or remove them as a follower?

[MemeSupreme]

nope

[Asker]

Would it be a good idea to follow them back on social media?

[MemeSupreme]

do it if you don't like him anymore and if you're past whatever he did