Single people. We seem to all know the “right answer” when it comes to giving advice on relationships. But do we seriously practice what we preach?

[Anonymous]

I would like to believe I’m much wiser now then I was 10 (and definitely 20) years ago when it comes dating. And I can confidently say that’s at least partially true.

But I found myself being a hypocrite a few months ago. I was fooling around with a very bratty (yet very attractive) young woman. Although I she didn’t say it straight out it was plainly obvious she was looking for a sugar daddy and knew that within 10 mins of talking to her.

Now I am supposed to have nothing to do with that for self respect reasons. But I found myself engaging with her longer then I should have just “hoping” she might be different. I also live in an area where my options are very limited.

Fortunately for me she wasn’t very good at manipulation nor controlling her entitled bitchiness. That made my decision to cut it off (for good) very easy a month ago.

But still I did waste a good four months of my time, effort and money interacting with her. Could have been much worse but still I am disappointed with myself for caving as long as it did. I’m supposed to know better nowadays.

Updates

1 y

Overall really good stuff with the feedback below. I’m also in a 12 step program for two different kinds of addictions. After going through hell and back on some major issues I noticed my mind has cleared up more when it comes to “walking the walk” vs “talking the talk”.

Anyway whenever I hear of someone who is over the top judgmental I usually wonder if they got their own crap going on.

[Anonymous]

I do. But I'm also almost 50. Twas not always the case. As guys get older they're less controlled by their hormones and desire their peace more than anything.

I understand what you're saying that you wasted the time with her when you knew better. But look at it this way. The only thing you wasted was time that could have been spent entertaining a more viable woman for a potential relationship. And SHE failed as well keep in mind. She tried to get her hooks into and even with all her feminine wiles, failed. And a woman's marketable years is A LOT LESS than a man's. So just remember she might have been terrible. But she took a bigger loss from this than you. Even if it doesn't feel that way.

[Asker]

I definitely had my guard up. But tbh she was the only option I had when it came to an attractive young woman. I did have one like her a few years ago who started out bitchy and later developed genuine feelings. Didn’t last long (or end well) but it was really nice when it lasted.

But I am grateful this girl had zero game when it came to manipulation. She literally blurted out very conceited thought that crossed her mind. So again that made my decision easy.

[incorrected]

It's one of those 'easier said than done' type of things. It's like when they say not to drink salt water, but when people get thirsty enough, they do it anyway out of desperation, even when they know it's bad for them, for the temporary relief it brings.

[Anonymous]

I wish I were independent to practice everything what I preach.

I do follow everything what I suggest others. But when things comes regarding my parents and siblings I find myself tied. In the name of society and parents' mental health also my dependency upon them I lack behind there. I feel like a caged bird that time.

[Asker]

I know how you feel.

Valdemort and myself had a good convo about this. Most of people judge others on their actions and themselves on their feelings.

It really does take most people mental effort to step back and examine themselves vs those they criticize to see if their hypocrites or not.

Anyway the only thing I hate more then a liar is a hypocrite. But I find myself not walking the walk sometimes.

The example I did above would need more context for most people to understand. I work two jobs, have very limited interaction with available women in both my work and hobbies. I also live in an area where bachelors are at a major disadvantage ratio wise.

But still that doesn’t justify me being a hypocrite by telling other men to have “self respect” in dating.

[Valdemort]

I know I don't. Not because I don't want to, but because it's often harder said than done. Which is why it's easier to give advice than to take it. I try to, but I know I often don't.

[Asker]

I think when we give other people advice we are often portraying who we want to be or wish we were.

But I try to take a step back. There was one guy on here who had a girlfriend (of one year) openly disrespecting by drinking and partying with other guys (and sometimes staying over their houses). She never owned to her crap and instead kept gaslighting him.

Now obviously it’s easy to say “drop that bitch like a hot potato” (he ultimately did and good for him).

Easy to say most of us would do the same. Easy to call him a “cuck” for taking the disrespect.

But he was looking for anyway possible hoping he was someone wrong and/or it could be resolved. Reason being he’s afraid to going out to the dating market again (understandably) and starting all over again. . He was also caught up into the nostalgia of how things first started out.

He ultimately did the right thing. But again most people would say “oh I would never tolerate that bs”. But it some cases that’s easier said then done.

[Valdemort]

People tolerate a lot more than we care to admit to. Which might be admirable in some cases, but plain disrespect to ourselves in others.

I've been there many times and I know what I shóúld do in those circumstances, but if any of it was ever that black and white - none of us would have to ask for advice.

More often than not, we give the advice we need to hear ourselves.

[Asker]

“ we give the advice we need to hear ourselves.”

Take that and frame it. 💯💯💯

The problem is we judge ourselves on our emotions and other people on their actions. And I think 80-90% of these so called “principled, moral and tough minded” tough guys and tough girls all have some skeletons in their closets.

Yeah fake it to make it by the image you want to portray on people. Some value in that to a certain extent.

But when you are being an open and proud hypocrite you know there is a problem.

[Valdemort]

Very true. Relatable too.

I've had this conversation a couple of times with my siblings, where I'd be dealing with something and they'd ask "what advice would you give me if I'd been in your position" and I realise time and time again that I know exactly what to do - it's just a lot harder to take that step when you're in the position yourself.

I do eventually take up my own advice, but never out of contentment...
Mostly because I'd still hope to be proven wrong. Except, that rarely happens.

[Valdemort]

Thank you for mho!

[Asker]

Np. It was well deserved. I’m going to remember your line “we give advice we need to hear ourselves”. That was spot on. 🎯

[WilliamStormsReturn]

No we nuance in our own morality/heart but conservative on others

[Asker]

Yep. It’s because we judge other people on their actions vs. judging ourselves on our emotions.

It takes real mental effort to examine ourselves vs criticizing others. There is usually more under the surface with others then we realize.

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t call other people on their bs. I do have one trusted friend who I confided about what I was doing with that girl.

He’s normally a really chill non-judgmental guy. Super nice. But he called me out hard on what I was doing with that girl and I was grateful. I needed some tough love on that.

[Nikki1989]

Singles are the worst people to give advice on relationships. They are single for a reason, and those reasons are rarely good.

[Asker]

Well that’s not always 100% true but logically doesbmake sense.

But moreover how honest are people when it comes to practicing what they preach nowadays? Definitely not many.

[LiamJHayden]

I practice what I preach as far as being careful with whom I choose to give commitment and not putting up with manufactured nonsense.

[Sevenpointfive]

that's impressive! i lasted 3 days with one before i told her to fuck off. not really, but i did tell her to get out because i have options.