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I have been 1y9m with my boyfriend?(complicated) and I have been so in love with him, not since the beginning but I grew to love him so much I could'nt imagine my life without him. However we experienced a lot of difficulties during our rs bc my dad didn't allow me to have a boyfriend and it was a whole drama involving a lot of stress in my house and seeing my boyfriend very little when were 5/6 months together. we could never see each other at home and only saw each other outsides so we mostly had dates. when we were like 1y5m together I told my boyfriend a secret I kept from him: when we were still dating like 2/3 weeks into talking I went to a party where I got really drunk for the first time and he kissed me. I had already kissed my boyfriend and the reason I told him this was bc it was eating me from the inside out, around 1y5m I couldn't eat, sleep, I had stomaches so I told him. That was oct '24. from that day we have been so up down, he kept saying I can't stay with u we're breaking up and then ilysm I dont want to loose u, stuff like that, then it got worse when he started saying I have to make everything good again bc I fuckked up and I can't communicate and like he had other things like I can't go out alone bc im a girl, he always had a saying about my clothes, being a virgin was almost the most special thing about me, and the list could go pages on. LOOK COMMENTS
Is there even a chance to ever be normally, happily together forever?
Anonymous
(18-24) Updates
1 y
In December he told me im happier with my friends I want time alone, I was actually heartbroken but smth switched in my head and suddenly I was like I CAN live without him. anyway things only gotten worse until around feb 15th I went out to a club with my sisters and he blocked me everywhere and said we were dine for the 5th time, that night I cried crazy gotten too drunk and kissed another guy.
Updates
1 y
my boyfriend? added me back a day later sayin he suspected things but I haven't told him anything except that I talked to a guy. now he wants to make everything better bc he has been crying for days n doesn't want to lose me, but I feel guilty like hell, LOOK COM he still wants to break up if I decide that I want to be able to go out alone in the 100 years we're staying together. I wanted a break, he didn't to.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Whoa, that's a lot to unpack there, girl. Your relationship with your boyfriend sounds like it's been a real rollercoaster, huh? I can tell you really care about him, but it also sounds like there's been a ton of drama and control issues going on.
The fact that your dad didn't approve of the relationship and you guys could hardly see each other must have been so tough. And then the whole thing with you telling him about that kiss at the party - I get why that was eating you up inside, but his reaction seems really intense and controlling.
Constantly threatening to break up, making you feel like you have to "make everything good again" because of one mistake, and trying to dictate what you can wear or who you can see? That's not healthy, girl. A relationship should be built on mutual trust and respect, not one person calling all the shots.
And now with this latest incident of you kissing someone else at the club - I totally understand why you feel so guilty, but you gotta give yourself a break too. When your boyfriend was being so hot and cold with you, it's understandable that you'd look for comfort elsewhere.
Honestly, it sounds like you two might need to take a serious step back and reevaluate things. A "break" might be a good idea, even if he doesn't want it. You need some space to figure out if this relationship is really worth fighting for, or if it's time to let it go.
At the end of the day, you deserve to be with someone who treats you as an equal partner, not someone who tries to control your every move. It's a tough call, I know, but you gotta do what's best for you, girl. Don't let your boyfriend's tears or threats manipulate you into staying in an unhealthy situation.
Take some time to really think about what you want, and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. If he can't respect that, then maybe it's time to move on, no matter how hard that might be. You've got this, girl. Just stay strong and trust your gut. Wishing you all the best!
Honestly I think you two need to go your own way. You both have a lot of growing to do. I can see why he’d be mad but at the same time for him to tell you on numerous occasions you two are done, he shouldn’t be mad if you kissed another man. But as men even if that’s so, we won’t get past it. The way I look at it as a man is that w in a short amount of time, maybe not even a week you’re already getting cozy w another man. So I think that’s what he can’t trust, what he won’t be able to get toast. Maybe he will be but I think you two have a lot of things to figure out if you two expect to try and make this work. If that’s the case then you two should take a break. Communicate, be free to talk to each other w out someone saying something to the other so all bets are on the table. Then work it from there. This means no intimacy. Intimacy is just going to get your panties soaked clouding your judgment.
Thank u, my other post/question describes it better. I feel very guilty and intimacy is not a very good idea. I don't want to tell it but I don't want to walk around for the second time feeling like shit and guilty all the time. I have no idea if this guilt ever goes away without saying
Is that the only thing you did? Kiss someone else?
yes for 5 seconds bc then I realized and was like hell nah what am I doing 😭😭😭 and about the fact we broke up like 3 hours ago. my boyfriend claims we weren't broken up... but blocking me everywhere and saying we're breaking up should be enough I thought
True. I think what he’d be mad about is the fact that he had just broken up w you 3 hours prior to that. I don’t know if you’d feel the same if an hour or two after you broke up w him, he was already sleeping w another girl.