Advice - how to go from casual to serious?

[Anonymous]

Context:

In Jan2024 went on a few dates with a guy and I ended it bc he flaked on me but in actual fact he was telling the truth he had a migraine.
Then a month later we Bumped into each other on a night out and we slept with each other.
He was messaging me for a few days and making convo but I said to him that his messages are really dead and he said the reason was because he was moving to Amsterdam.
He moves but every time he was back in England he would ask to meet up to sleep with me but I’d be busy.

He came back in December and asked to meet up with me and I said that I’d let him know and I was seeing someone at the time. That ended and I messaged him to meet and when we slept with each other he asked me if I’m still seeing that guy and I said no and he said ok good because I don’t want to be a dickhead.

We don’t speak for a month and it’s Jan - he messages that he has fully moved back to the U. K. now. He says he’s going on holiday and he’ll message when he’s back to arrange a date to meet. I message him that I’m not interested in sleeping around and he says no worries that’s all good !

We don’t see each other but I message him saying I take it back andwe meet up a few days ago and I came to his.

We spoke and he said when we dated he wasn’t too sure if I was into him bc I was standoffish and when we met up in December he said that I was not that interested.

He also told me how he didn’t fully know if he was going to Amsterdam or not either and only found out 2 weeks before going.

This time we spoke a lot and got along with each other quite a bit and we both opened up and he said to me that I seem more comfortable and easy to talk to. He was also very affectionate and cuddling me loads.

He asked me how I knew this guy that I follow on IG and i said through hinge. He asked if he was the guy I had dated and I said no and he’s goes ok that’s good just checking. They aren’t friends and went to the same uni. The last time they spoke was 7 years ago.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oooh - that's a lot of context to unpack! Sounds like you've been on a bit of a roller coaster with this guy so far. But it's cool that you're wanting to take things to the next level and make it more serious.

The good news is, it seems like he's really into you too. The fact that he's been so persistent in wanting to see you, even when you were seeing someone else, is a pretty good sign. And the way he was so affectionate and open with you the last time you hung out is another positive.

I think the key is just being really honest and upfront with him about what you want. Let him know that you're not interested in just a casual hookup situation anymore - you want something more committed and serious. Make it clear that's where your head is at.

When you bring it up, make sure you give him space to share his thoughts and feelings too. Don't just demand that he jump into a relationship. See where he's at and if he's on the same page. If not, you may have to reconsider things.

But based on how he's acted so far, I have a good feeling he'll be receptive to taking things to the next level. Just be confident in expressing what you want, and don't be afraid to ask for it. Dudes tend to respond well to that kind of directness.

Good luck, boo! I hope it all works out for you. Just keep being your awesome self, and if this guy's the right one, he'll step up and commit. Sending positive vibes your way!