How is being someone's second choice in dating bad?

Question

Amped_Amputee · Accepted Answer

That's like getting the leftover scraps from a five-star meal! Half of me feels like sashayin' away, but the other half is ready to dish out some tough love. You see, when I lost my legs, I could've wallowed in self-pity, but I chose to rise above it all. Being second choice is like being stuck in a one-legged limbo - you're not quite on the ground, but you're not fully standing either. It's a reminder that you're not their first pick, and that can sting like a thousand paper cuts on your toes, if you have toes.

But, lemme tell ya, being an amputee has its perks in the kink department. Some fellas find the whole 'legs-up-to-nothing' scenario intriguing. They want to be the hero who rescues the damsel in distress, or maybe they just dig the challenge of making a woman with no legs feel like she's on top of the world. It's wild, I know, but it keeps me on my toes... or rather, on my butt! I've had my fair share of adventures, but at the end of the day, it's important to remember your worth. You shouldn't settle for less than someone who sees the amazing person you are, nubs and all.

I've been known to chat with my phantom legs and give my leg stumps a good whack with my trusty cane when I'm feeling feisty. But even I know that nobody deserves to be anyone's backup plan. Life's too short to spend it waiting for someone to realize what they're missing. Besides, at least you have fucking legs, you selfish asshole.

Rosexøxø · Accepted Answer

I would say the SECOND

right after the first love… is. Bad. 😂

Then after people are more in reality again and able to find what’s better for them and the other person. The chemistry; etc.

The second is bad because the second doesn’t usually compare to first and isn't the first person that the other really was in to. It’s a form of settling until we get used to the idea of meeting people and seeing where we get along the best and if mutual we consider longer term relationships with them.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

The issue is that if someone doesn’t genuinely love you then they will never truly be happy with you and will become resentful eventually dumping you for someone else while cheating on you in between.

I am not saying that in some cases someone cannot genuinely fall for someone over time and it be real. But be aware of people who cannot from genuine connections some examples are narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, dark empaths, etc. People who make genuine connections don’t have first, second, and so fourth options they focus on someone they genuinely are interested in and if things don’t work out they eventually move on.

A real genuine relationship is about loving one another. So as long as that genuine connection is established that’s what counts. What’s sad is most people who are dark personalities will never be honest that someone was a backup plan until you’re eventually discarded and the worst part is these people never discard without a plan.

Sure, good people leave relationships all the time. But dark personalities usually will plan everything out and replace you before they move on. Before you even know what happened they are with someone else.

So be aware of that and if someone becomes resentful of you. Just break it off it’s better to be single and in peace.

Avicenna · Answer

I don't see a problem with it if they genuinely commit to you and forget about the other person. Especially in this age of dating apps, most of us at one time or another have had multiple options to choose from. Sometimes they met someone else or another thing happens. It doesn't mean the next person is not worthy.

Finchie40 · Answer

Because you should be their top priority if you want to have a long lasting relationship with someone , otherwise you are just a convenience if you are their 2nd choice. Never fall for someone that treats you like an option , because they more than likely will cheat on you or leave you for someone else , when that someone else comes along. If you don’t want a serious relationship and you just want sex , then be their convenience and make them yours as well.

TrueConfection · Answer

I want to know I’m valued as first choice. I suppose I’d allow Matthew McConaughey to settle for me being his  second  choice, but only him. 😍.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I would not want to spend the rest of my life wondering if my wife would leave me if her first choice became available.

DishLady · Answer

If a person settles for you when they want someone else there’s a big chance they’ll cheat on you.

OneViewpoint · Answer

I've never aspired to be a woman's backup plan in life. It means you're going into a relationship where she doesn't respect you, she simply sees you as a means to an end, a convenience. I see plenty of wives who think they "settled", treating their husbands disrespectfully in public. I don't give a crap how hot she is, my self respect (and brain) will not allow me to put myself in that situation. Nor would I ever put a woman in that situation of being my backup plan. You're either my first choice or you're my friend or you're gone.

Anonymous · Answer

I was the second choice, it did not feel good as he wasn’t really able to love me for who I am because I wasn’t the one he actually wanted. I felt like I constantly have to proof to him that I’m worthy or good enough but since I was second best in his heart/mind, his eyes were always wandering looking for his first place winner.

On the other hand, I have also been the second choice that ended up winning (hence moving up to the first place). Came to found out that I was his back up plan but then he ended up falling deeply after realizing that I was “the prize”. It sucked when I first found out the truth but hey you work with what you got.

Anonymous · Answer

The wrost thing about it it's that you're not number 1 priority to them. You're the option when the good stuff is not available to them. You're like the goods they can use when ever they get bored the 1st option is no longer available to them. In dating you wanna be number one natural one of the best things in the person life. If they can't consider you literally the only guy or girl In the world or make you a priority and make you feel like that song from Rihanna only girl In the world there's no point. Agian I don't know the dynamics of your relationships and there's always a chance second choice gets a chance. But if I was always second in someone's heart why would you give your heart full of energy of number 1 love to someone only loving you for unequal % of the same love you need for yourself. Unless it's I might get the girl if she breaks up kinda thing I get it. Put ugh you deserve the best don't ever settle for less!

NoDecision · Answer

People tend to date many others, and a lot of the time they are dating 2 or 3 at the same time. That gives them a bigger choice and they can compare one against the other before making a final choice. So being a 2nd choice is not bad. At least you made the list. Your question should be where were you on  their  list? What would you think if you were the  runner-up?

unknowngurll1212 · Answer

in my opinion , being someone's 2nd choice in dating can b tough because it often comes with a lack of genuine interest , Self-Worth Issues , Unequal Effort, Uncertainty & Insecurity nd finlly Emotional Drain... at the end of the day, everyone deserves to b with someone who sees them as their 1st nd only choice.. ri8 ?

Blunky · Answer

I don't think it's necessarily bad. People make the choices they make. They just have to accept the repercussions of those choices. Someone who puts me second in dating is no longer my first because there's obviously something else she's looking for and I don't hate myself enough to wait around for that. That's all there is to it.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

The problem is being a choice at all besides the only one when it's getting serious at least.. It's fine to talk to and go on dates with multiple people, but once it starts getting even a tiny bit serious, I think that it's a bit sleazy to have to choose between multiple people..

Nikki1989 · Answer

Better to be a second than nobodies choice at all. People who think they must always be #1 are delusional. That is not how life works.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Because you should be someone's first priority.

Being someone's second choice means that they didn't like you enough or who you are enough to be with you over the other person. They're only going to you now because the one they actually wanted rejected them or whatever happened to prevent them from being with the guy they actually wanted.

Not a great a feeling and not something that should serve as the basis for your relationship with someone.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Thats not the best way to phrase it, as people aren't typically making teir lists for dating.

Whats really going on is its bad if you get picked by someone who actually would prefer someone who isn't you.

It means they don't love you.

Luopio27 · Answer

I feel you!
Being a 2nd choice at first doesn't mean you will be 2nd forever/ A good year later the relationship can be so strong that he/she doesn't want to be with anyone else because by then you are the 1st!

As far as tinder goes and the fishing for the best partner process goes, who really knows are you the absolute 1st choice or 5th first date in a month that got a 2nd date!

Change of hearts are sweeter stories than love at first sight bullshit!

dragoblack · Answer

The intent to begin with, the likely chance they will cheat when they feel they found someone better, the "i want to be with someone... i guess you will do" treatment of the situation. I want to date someone who wants to actually be with me, not a backburner option that unstable from the start.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

people's first choices are not always the best :D

Kelley1 · Answer

How could that possibly be bad? Not one person in 100 gets their first choice, or else we would all marry movie stars. If you can get your tenth choice, you are doing outstanding,

serious · Answer

Yes some people won't like to be someone's second choice or a back up option. Instead they would prefer nothing. People who have self respect will mostly have this thinking.

Anonymous · Answer

This is a tough one. Because if she's dated ANYONE before you then by default you are her second choice. Or third, or fourth, etc. But I think the line hear is did she see you before? Did she know of you before? In my youth I didn't date much. So now when I date the woman I date really has to make a play for me or I'm not interested.

Like I say the answer to your question is tough. Because the answer is in the details.

exitseven · Answer

I think it is. I do not want to be somebody that she is settling for

Anonymous · Answer

My second choice back when I was picking someone to date ended up being my wife of 17 years so far and she knows she was the underdog and still managed to get me. Second choice is only who your second choice was in the moment. The woman who was my first choice at the time ended up being psychotic and not someone I would’ve stayed with anyway so my second choice is now my clear first choice.

jazzy34 · Answer

Being someone’s afterthought is them taking me for granted. I’m not going to always be there. Either pick me or get away from me. There’s no in between with me. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Fireguy17 · Answer

it isn't. They already found out what they didn't like about someone, so once again they are on the open market, and hopefully I come along, and they are like where have you been all my life.

molonski2 · Answer

It doesn't matter which pick you are.. who cares? Its what happens from there that matters , no big deal at all.

On_cloud_wine · Answer

Date multiple people at once until you figure it out. I don't know why y’all settle down so fast

Unap0logetic_ · Answer

You weren’t their first choice, that means they’re settling for you. It will always come up later. You’ll know one day when someone feels like they settled for you. I’ve seen it time and time again.

lilBigPotato · Answer

If you only accept someone if you're there first choice then it's more likely that you will end up alone in the end

Screenwriter · Answer

How would you ever KNOW you're a second choice?

Lokiion · Answer

Why would you wanna be somebody's backup plan? If they didn't choose you first, they didn't really want you like that to begin with. It's disrespectful tbh. Gotta value yourself more.

DrPepper12 · Answer

It smarts a bit but mature people don't marinate in it.

RingOfFire · Answer

Because whether in sports or in relationships, second place means you're the first loser.

LiamJHayden · Answer

While one might be someone's current first choice, the concept of being someone's first choice always seems far-fetched to me.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Because deep down inside they aren't excited about as they would be with their 1st choice thus you will never experience the best with them.

user4477388 · Answer

Women always have a second or third choice. And if she breaks up she's got someone on speed dial in her phone as her next boyfriend. There's always someone to replace one.

Manuelwe · Answer

No matter man or woman being second or 're bound is bad for your egos. Also a weapon to use during arguments. He did not want you or she had better and so on

genericname85 · Answer

well what if you get with them and then suddenly the first choice becomes available?

fish5505_87 · Answer

Well first off, your # 2(we all want to #1). However, they may end up making the better choice!

Dongie · Answer

It shouldn't be unless that first choice comes sniffing around.

Jay-_- · Answer

If you don't see an issue in this you probably shouldn't be in a relationship.

Loser94 · Answer

Because they might or will go back to the first choice when the opportunity arrives

Anonymous · Answer

As long as people are not being treated as a rebound and the feelings are genuine. Then it's okay, since love can blossom later on after meeting someone.

Grap83 · Answer

It's not if the relationship ends up being strong.

_tallmccartney · Answer

Because I have too much self-respect than to be the option that someone settled for.

MoonFace2 · Answer

It’s offensive to be the second choice.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't mind, if she's hot ;)

Credentialmayhem · Answer

Sounds like a back up plan

Gayuglycowardv3 · Answer

Because they never really wanted YOU.

jahaims · Answer

Simp

How is being someone's second choice in dating bad?

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