How to not feel guilty of not liking someone romantically because of their looks?

[Anonymous]

So I met this guy in social media and he's around 5 years older than me. He's currently pursuing a PhD degree and I'm about to start mine in a couple of months. He sent me a DM request one day and the reason I accepted it may sound quite weird. In my country there's a national level test for research admission where around 5% people qualify and 0.8% of them receive a good national scholarship. I took this exam in January this year, I qualified it but missed the scholarship by the closest possible margin. Although I'll retake the exam, that situation broke my spirit. This guy had got this scholarship last year. So seeing that I decided to talk to him and understand how it feels to live my dream.

Now, we've talked for around a week (not all the time, few minutes in the evening every day) about casual stuff, mostly about how he's doing his work and my studies, the films we like etc. I have started getting a feeling that he is talking to me because he wants to date someone, me in this case. I'm single. However, I don't like how he looks. I don't know how to put it properly, he's definitely fine looking, just not my type. Also talking about books and films I've realised that our interest areas are very different. It's okay for me if I don't want to date him over the latter but the appearance aspect of it is making me feel bad.

How to get over this feeling?

[ohsheeT]

You are Adorable with beautiful heart
When we were born we were all given a gift

That Gift is choice
We get to choose who we want to be in life

By the things we do and say we get to choose who we like. And don't
We get to choose if we are happy or sad

We get to choose who wevwant to be with
We get to choose if we want a cat or a dog

Everything we do is a choice.

For what ever you thought or choice about him is your choice

Just like with him he has a choice to feel what he want to feel. But he has to respect you don't have the same type of feeling other wise you would make that choice and pursue him

And he has to respect you. If you don't
It has nothing to do with who he is as a person it has to do with a part of you that no one even needs to know why you don't see him in the way he might see you

You don't need to feel guilty for wanting what you want.

Ok so you want some Fruit there's an apple in an orange you make a choice what one you like better.

This is a learning experience for the both of you.. you could be feeling guilty for no reason. What happens if your just reading in to it and he really likes you but not the way you think

Or maybe he does and it's OK to like someone he gets an opportunity to really think about it. And say this is what I like about her and I hope the girl I find

Has all these qualities that she has. just like you im Preparing studying for my next exam.
And I'm not really looking for a guy but if I do look for a guy. I would want him to look different from that guy.
I would want him to. Look like this? And like that? Its ok to have thoughts on the guy you want and dont want.. Because that's how we all. Are there are things we want things we don't want and we're not gonna settle don't feel guilty. You have nothing to feel guilty.

And you can let him know in a certain way that you appreciate him. Where's the talk to chat the knowledge that he gave you

And you can ask if he is dating anyone . And no matter what he says, you can say yeah, I'm focused. I really don't need a guy in my life right now. You have too man the other things going on and how it would be a distraction if that's the truth I mean.. it has to be your words not mine

[SteveSmith1985]

I can help with this. First of all, no need to feel guilty for not being attracted to the guy. You're not going to be attracted to everyone who ends up finding you attractive, and that's fine.

If what you're worried about, is him getting a false impression that you like him... when you just want to talk to him as a friend.

The easiest way to deal with this, is to make it very clear that you are not looking at him romantically. Explicitly say things about:

-How you would only want a guy who...(then describe the guy he is not like at all).
-How you would never date a guy who: (some definite thing that disqualifies him. "someone more than a year or two older" is a bad example, but it would work)
-How much you love being single.
-How much you like his "friendship" (and just throw the word "friend' in there as much as possible).

Guys will usually pickup the hint. If you weren't single, for example, all it would take is a passing mention of "my boyfriend." (and I love when I see a girl do that to me. This is the same principle. Say things in passing that let him know this isn't romantic)

[Zack-Bann]

Not sure what country you’re from and if it’s a cultural thing


But in general: if he’s not your type he’s not your type


You’re allowed to dislike his appearance that’s not something that should guilt you


It is what it is

[Lliam]

You shouldn't feel guilty. Physical attraction is important in romance and we all have our preferences.

[Asker]

Thanks.

[Fireguy17]

it's fine.
You might be losing out on someone great, but you have to like being with them.
Some guys date for the same reason, looks, big boobs whatever trips your trigger.

[Asker]

Honestly, we are quite different people, he likes small talk which I don't like. However, the fact that I didn't like his appearance was bothering me. You're right.

[Anonymous]

human beings are shallow creatures in general and there's nothing wrong with it

if only people stopped lying about not caring for looks or prioritizing it over personality and other areas when they obviously don't

[ImalwaysrightOK]

You don't need to get over anything. You're not attracted to him, no need to feel guilty about anything. It's just what it is.

[Asker]

Thank you.

[slatyb]

Why would you feel guilty? You don´t owe him or anyone a date.

[alice55]

don't know I never felt guilty for this

[EmmiL]

Nothing wrong with it

[Asker]

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever been rejected? a lot?

[Asker]

Never really. I never approached anyone. I rejected few because we were fundamentally different. Never on looks before.

[MasterKS]

Take it easy. everyone has choice.

[Asker]

Thanks.