Do you think it’s wise for a Single Guy with no kids’ to date a single girl with kid or kids’? why or why not?

[Finchie40]

I been coming across a lot of articles about why a single guy with no kids’ should never date or get into a relationship with a single girl with kids’ and the primary reason is because the single mother is just looking for a guy to help her raise her children and giving her children the attention they didn’t receive from their biological father , she will just latch onto a guy to fill in that void , and never truly give her heart completely to her new boyfriend , she just likes the convenience of him and what he can provide for her and her children, but the reality of it all, is that her heart still belongs to her ex. This is also stated in the Bible as well if you are religious , to never be with a girl that has children from a different guy because she will not be able to give her heart completely to the new guy. , So What’s your opinion on this? Do you agree or disagree with this? And explain your reason why. I remember when i was younger and single with no kids’ and i refused to date a single girl with kids’ period , i also dated some girls’ that never mentioned she had a kid or kids’ either and as soon as i found out she lied , I dumped her immediately Mainly because I was young and didn’t want that responsibility whatsoever. As I gotten older , and had children of my own , I didn’t mind dating a girl with kids’ already because I would of been a hypocrite if I did and I looked back at myself and thought why did I dump those girls’ but apparently I did the right thing. Who knows? Life is crazy

[Rosexøxø]

For now, I’ll just say I disagree.

The saying has gone- a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

And I’ll just add this: a way to a woman’s heart is by her kids.

If he can be mature guy and help her kids, she can fall in love even more than before, or have the chance to consider it if someone is showing good paternal INSTINCTS and maturity with/around her kids and having a good chemistry with her (not doing stuff for show).

I would say it’s an elevated equation, but it’s not by default marking a woman as a selfish “breed” of human or some evil eye witch. If anything good handful of times the guy caused the issue. They created kids and he jumped ship for whatever reason. Cheating etc.

Sometimes is may have been her fault as well so that would have to be another reason to understand the person being dealt with as within a date or so, so it can be properly avoided.

Women with children are not looking for MEN like some male starved being. They’re looking for family men. Who know the ropes and can be the help mate that is needed in such an environment while having the bond with the lady he should have if she was single. And vice versa.

I simply don’t recommend people hook up with single parents or take extra precaution (I’m not a family person), cause it just seems rude or irresponsible if it wasn’t because of being widowed or some other valid reason. Just popping kids with random people and then putting kids in that situation is just wrong in itself. No one should be having kids until they’re 1,000% ready to afford that and they know their partner well enough to know it’s going to be a long term/ life long relationship.

I’ll agree with others and say it depends, and I’ll agree that despite having a clear moral compass or guide for these situations. A set of principles, people will ultimately do what they will when they find unbreakable bonds.

It’s not pretty at first but it can be. Singles and single parents have had good stories to tell and romantic wins. It’s helped all members of the family to do better.

It’s just not the case every time.

[Rosexøxø]

And the same can go for single dads, but not always cause a good handful of them just used their kids to get a lady’s compassion or show a sense of “maturity” to attract ladies and then just want extra sex with them. Not caring if more kids are popped out, at times.

Not all single dads are like that. Some really take for the team if the lady got into substance abuse or just didn’t love them etc etc. but it’s really a small percentage from what I have seen.

So having kids doesn’t make a single lady mom or man dad any better than before. With or without kids they are themselves and others looking to date them have to consider who they are and what they stand for like dating any other person. The only difference is they will need a helping partner to raise their offspring. Simply said.

[Rosexøxø]

And I would say for the most part 80 ish to 90% of single moms are looking for a family man, but there really are some women who don’t care about their kids and will be willing to just have sexual relations with the next guy they date. And that may either include trying to get him to raise or watch them a lot of the time, or just they both disregard the kids a majority of the time and just do sexual activities or other harmful activities. I rather not think about that though cause all I’m thinking about is the unfortunate kids who have to endure that kind of lifestyle.

It’s rare thankfully (to the best of my knowledge), and this is yet again why singles dating single parents need to consider. It could be a nice single mom/dad or a bad one. A healthy person, or a toxic one. 🤷‍♀️

[NoDecision]

Wow, you could title your question "Mine, Yours, and Ours". But I agree with you that some women, and I guess guys too, that have kids only want someone to help them raise their kids. I am sure you also know that a woman's kids will always come first. I don't know men's position on this though. I don't think there is anything in the Bible that says not to marry a person with kids. It does say, however, not to marry a divorced person. But it also states exceptions to the rule, such as divorce because of abandonment, adultery, and physical abuse, to name a few. Also, by law, if your wife or husband does not fulfil their duties as far as sex goes, that it could also be grounds for divorce.

[Finchie40]

As a single father , I never expected another girl to raise my children , I was perfectly capable of raising them on my own , i also do not introduce a girl to my kids’ until I feel she is in it for the long haul and not the short haul , Most single parents’ don’t realize the effect it takes on kids’ if their Mom and Dad is constantly introducing them to new people that don’t stay for the long haul. Because not only are you sad that the relationship didn’t work out , your kids’ will be sad as well , especially if they got close to that new partner and they decide to walk away like their biological parent did. That’s just how I look at things and how i handled things

[NoDecision]

I agree with you on this. Though I'm not sure how you could keep them a secret. You would need a pretty dedicated babysitter.

[Finchie40]

I didn’t keep them a secret , I just didn’t introduce them to her until I felt like she was in it for the long haul

[Summeroflove]

This is a case by case basis some people at no fault of their own end up divorced or widowed. They marry a man they think is great and he cheats maybe becomes abusive. Just like men marry women they thought were great.

The bad apples of single moms spoil the bunch. That’s certainly not all of them but you have to be careful. I don’t think someone’s a bad person not wanting to date someone who has kids it doesn’t mean they judge them at a personal level I can understand that.

I think that it depends on the woman communicating is very important before getting too serious if she still has attachments that needs to be shared early on. Every woman is different sone think women think in a hive mind when they don’t.

[Quigly]

She's not looking for a father to help raise her kid. Unless the father is dead, he is still the father. She's just looking for money. She's just a selfish girl That thinks her child support is never enough. She wants everyone else to take care of her kid while she works job and gets with another guy for more money.

The new guy is just gullible and thinks it's about Love.

Love is a decision you make that has nothing to do with money.

Single mothers are always making decisions for money, not love.

[Avicenna]

It makes no sense to get involved with someone who already has kids- go have your own instead.

[Ferngully2000]

I think it actually takes a brave and a selfless guy to date a girl with kids, because they are so many things they will have to compromise on. It’s not like she can be there at a moments notice, compared to say a single girl with no kids. I don’t think the girl with kids is necessarily looking for a father replacement/figure for her children, I mean it all depends on the relationship she has with her ex and how prevalent he is in his children’s lives, but I think it takes a committed single guy with no kids, because it’s an additional dynamic he is going to have to deal with. Some guys might be quite happy to have no biological kids and accept hers as his own, but I think it takes a certain kind of mature guy.

I also think the girl would have to be super special for him to go for, bearing this in mind, as to not go for a single girl without kids. But if he loves her, then I think they can definitely overcome any obstacles, just takes commitment and effort, not saying it would be an easy ride, but it’s still worth it if they love each other. How many guys would be willing to take this path is difficult to say, he’d have to really like her,

[Finchie40]

Step parents’ can be hard period , and yes it takes a certain someone to be able to accept the fact that person has kids’ already. Me personally would never blind side a girl that I was interested in in or dating about the fact that I had kids’ already , I will make it clear to her that I have kids’ and they are a big part of my life , to give her the option on whether she wants to continue dating me or not? I also do not introduce my kids’ to a girl that I am just dating immediately neither , because I don’t want my kids’ getting attached to someone that might decide to walk the other way. I have dated a girl before that never mentioned that fact the she had a child already , which I found odd that she kept that’s secret from me , once her and I. Started to get closer to each other , she said oh by the way I have a daughter? I was like you are Telling me this now after all this time? I do blame Myself for not asking her that question and just assumed she was child free , but I was still take back that she didn’t mention she had a kid? But I still liked her and wasn’t going to hold that over her head , I just thought it was odd. She also didn’t introduce me to her daughter which i understood her reason why. I the. Realized I was just something fun for her to do and didn’t take the relationship seriously , I was still young at the time and wasn’t really looking to settle down so it didn’t bother me me to much and didn’t make a big deal about it. But if things were different and I wanted to settle down with a girl and I find out she has kids’ after she pulled me in, then I would be upset and probably walk the other way for her not being fully honest with me

[PBandJ_Nerd]

It depends on what the man wants. If the man doesn't mind dating a woman with kids & understands they may not get as much time together and stuff, then it's fine. But if the man is looking or wanting a woman with no children because he never wants kids, then it's not a good idea for him to date her (or settle for her). For me personally whenever I date, I'd make it clear that I don't want any children, which includes dating people who are already parents. Both people should be able to live the life they want to live & choose. But I guess if the guy is good enough, is nice to the kids & handles them well, is safe to be around, etc. then the woman has like, an adoptive father for her kids, kind of. Other than the fact they both are happily in love with each other.

[TsundereMatrix]

I somewhat agree. I’ve been it happen on the flip side when a few of my girl friends dated single guys with kids. They all never worked out in the end because they wanted different things in life. My girl friends wanted to have their own kids but the guys didn’t want anymore children. The same happened when my cousin who is a single mom to a daughter dated a guy with 3 daughters. He’s oldest being 18 at the time. They split because he was done having kids and my cousin wanted one or two more.


Being a single parents and dating sounds hard. Even to date one sounds hard too. I never want to be in that position.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I think its perfectly fine if a guy wants to or not want to date someone with kids. It's a personal choice that shouldn't be taken lightly. There is some truth to her still giving her heart to her children first, but that's the way it should be. Most women are good moms who would do anything for their children. The children should always take priority whether you are the bio-father of them or not.

However, that doesn't mean there isn't room in her heart for you. You won't be neglected really. Yes, the children's needs will mostly always come first, but like I said, that's no different than if you were the bio-father.

[RingOfFire]

Lotta truth to that. In the past I've dated single women with young kids and always got the feeling that once I committed to them I was being trapped. Felt like they just wanted a father for the kids. Felt sorry for them but I did have feelings that it wouldn't be a smart move.

[sage2021]

When I was a single Mom I dated guys that really took to my son and liked him.
And then there were those who just couldn't get into some other dude's child.
So it all depends.

[Kelley1]

It depends on (1) how pretty she is relative to single girls you could have married. And, (2) if you can accept that you are just buying sex. Don't expect her to love you and don't expect her to be faithful since she is used to sex with a man better looking then you.

[Joshydavid25]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it if the guy is up for it.. In fact back the day it used to happen to widows often.. I don't think most single mothers want a guy for their child as per say just want somebody to love again, and hopefully embrace their child as well.. I think it's noble act.. The main problem is the ex..

[Twalli]

I would, but I wouldn't expect to be valued over her children. She wouldn't be held up on her ex and with me though. I haven't dated single mothers because I was not financially able to provide for anyone more than me.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

There's no exact answer with questions like this. To each their own and what makes them happy. :)

[BDRick]

Yes, because it shows unity and communal raising of child (ren).
I understand if the child has a father that is still alive and well, but said child needs a fatherly figure in his life at the current moment because if some is good, more is gooder

[DrPepper12]

If it works for you, it works for you! And that's all that should matter. You're going into this with eyes wide open so enjoy

[KittygosMeoWW]

if it’s the right fit and he knows what he’s getting into. That’s their business.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

What the hell lol. I'm certain any guy is perfectly able to understand how wise or unwise it is for him. So what makes you think he isn't old enough to evaluate the situation autonomously?

[MannMitAntworten]

Whether or not it is wise, people love who they love and involve themselves with whomever regardless of their circumstances. Just the nature of us humans.

[Vegasrunner]

Proably the biggest mistake a man can make in his life.

[Dkiegfjs]

Love is love. We all gotta make some sacrifices and concessions in relationships.

[Anonymous]

its ironic how a divorced man with kids can hate on divorced women with kids...

it comes to show how uninvolved you are with your children's lives if you have to post something like this online. there is no bigger red flag than this.

[Finchie40]

I never said that , read again lol

[Opinion Owner]

listen, there is a reason why you are single. It's pretty obvious. You're a shitty person with ultra high standards. And I know you will definitely argue back to defend your ego. Don't bother. After having read everything you have written on here, I have come to know you very well.

[Finchie40]

I don’t have to defend anything , because your assumptions about me aren’t accurate whatsoever , so you can be judgmental all you want , hiding behind an anonymous profile lol. I actually take that as a compliment that you think you know me so well , thank you for investing a lot of your time reading my random questions and opinions I will be happy to give you an autograph 😊

[Opinion Owner]

@finchie40

why else would a divorced single dad go around talking shit about single girls with kids?

I have every right to judge you and you can humiliate yourself by giving me your autograph

I can totally tell why you are still single at your age.

[Finchie40]

First off. I am not talking shit about single girls’ with kids’ I was just asking a question because I hear single guys’ with no kids’ say all the time, that they wouldn’t be with a girl that had kids’ already , I was also saying when I was a single guy with no kids’ when I was younger , I didn’t want to be with a girl that had kids’ already as well , just my preferences when I was single with no kids’ but as I gotten older and I had kids’ of my own and aI became single again , I didn’t mind dating a girl that had kids’ already , since I had kids’ already. So in no way shape or form was I bashing single mothers’ whatsoever, so why you flipped my question around to target me is where you were wrong , by assuming I am bashing single mothers’? I am now single because I choose to be single but I am still legally married and my ex and I are still mutual for the kids’ sake , now that our kids’ are older , I have more freedom to do what I want to do , Starting over making babies is not on the top of my priority list , so at this point on my life I am open to
Meeting a girl that doesn’t want kids’ or has kids’ already. I also can not make
More babies period , because I was foxed , so when I do meet a girl that’s interested in me , I am honest about what I am looking for so I don’t mislead her in anyway. So again, I don’t know where you got this crazy assumption that I didn’t like single girls’ with kids’ already?

[Opinion Owner]

@finchie40

you have a shit ton of freedom because you aren't a part of your children's lives

you would only ask this question if you are completely disconnected with your own children.

no single father who loves his children will go over the internet and preach about how unappealing single parents are.

[Finchie40]

I am very close to my children , and where in the hell did I say single parents’ are unappealing?

[Opinion Owner]

@finchie40

you're not very close to your children at all. Your attitude in your posts proves otherwise,

plus, your lack of success in dating is due to you going for women who are only looking to settle for you or use you. This is what happens when you only try to date women out of your league. Not many pretty young women without kids want an bitter old aging man with kids.

[Anonymous]

I suppose it depends on a girl, it can be a good decision, but it often isn't.

[exitseven]

I would have never have dated anyone with kids. Now I think if the kids were older I would.

[Chayce]

LOL. Are you ready to be a parent to three children? That's the question you need to ask yourself.

[Lottydotty]

It can work. But like I still would have a hard time not having thise kids be like my dna. Like I don't know its hard to wrap my head around

[Sazidhassan]

When did bible said relationship with single mom is sin...

[Finchie40]

Divorced single mom

[Sazidhassan]

That depend on church interpretation like orthrodox church allows to marry after divorce up to 3 times

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't waste time being concerned about what others thought.

[Razp_Sorbet]

Nothing wrong with it

[princeofromance]

It all depends on his views about a single mother with kids. However, this can be very rewarding as well as very challenging at the same time.

[fivebyfour]

Date? no, imhe once the guy bonds with the kids he tends to get the elbow, court yes, but there needs to be an understanding that a relationship has the intention of marriage behind it,,,

[TheSpaceGnome]

Nope.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Forgot to mention why:
Its because the ex is always going to be in the picture. And because children will always pick parents over step parents. Plus if they made the mistake of picking/breeding with the wrong person once, then you can never be sure if them picking you isn't just another mistake for them.

[beefcakebradybatson]

I wouldn't.