Girls, after how many messages and back forths before I ask this girl out on hinge?

[Anonymous]

[SteveSmith1985]

You don't need any threshold number. If she seems to like you, you can ask about a date whenever it seems right to you. If you misjudged, then she'll tell you that she wants to get to know you better before going on a date... BUT in this situation, you don't really lose-out in any way if you happen to be too early.

She is expecting that this chatting will hopefully lead to a date, if things are going well chatting. So she won't be surprised, nor turned-off if you ask for a date... but she would like to chat longer.

Because the are no set rules for this, it's not "early" in any objective way. "Early" would just mean..."earlier than she was thinking. But each of you will have your own idea. Most guys wait longer than they have to (based on talking to girls in the talking stages).

[Asker]

If we matched, she likely is expecting a date at some point?

[SteveSmith1985]

If you matched, and have been chatting, then yes. Exactly. You do need to chat some. There needs to be a good vibe between you two before you ask. But it's not a matter of "a week is too soon, but 3 weeks and she's getting antsy" (actually, if you want to make it very general... that's about right most of the time).

She wants to talk to you enough for a few things:

First, to make sure you're not an obvious psycho, asshole, idiot, or otherwise... a guy she KNOWS she doesn't want to end up going on a date with. This is an easy test to pass.

Second, to make sure that you two seem to have... some sort of chemistry. Or are able to hold a conversation well enough to not just both be staring at each other awkwardly during any date.

Third, she's trying to (usually in a very preliminary way) figure out what you're about in broad strokes. (are you a nice guy, an intelligent guy, a sweet guy, are you shy, are you someone looking for the same sort of thing she's looking for?)

The other thing is... if she is looking for something more than casual dates, she will be trying to make sure you're looking for something similar. If she knows, that the only thing you know about her is how she looks (Because you haven't really talked to her, so don't know her personality at all), then asking super early can make her assume you're just looking for sex. The logic being: "why does he want to see me in person so quickly when he hasn't bothered to try and get to know me. He is interested in me for my body, not for me."

[SteveSmith1985]

But if you two matched. And you're going back and forth... and things seem... at least ok in those back and forth... then she is indeed expecting a date at some point. That's exactly right.

So I guess there is a too early if you haven't chatted at all, or for a day or something. But it's a situation where asking early (give it maybe a week. If you're chatting... she's still interested. The only rush is if you wait way past when the chats are going well... for a while, and she starts wondering if you're really interested... because you haven't asked her out yet.

It is a "judge the vibes" situation more than anything.

So if you try and go back and forth, and it's just... not working well. The conversation is awkward, and it just... isn't vibing... then don't ask her out. Even if you matched.

It's the matching plus the chatting going at least decently.

[BarryLiverstone]

No set time but I’ve heard the rule of three apply here. If you have had good conversations for a few days or a week have you learned and shared three things you have in common? Because you could plan a date the first day you talk to her but wouldn’t know if she liked what you were planning. But once you have at least 3 touch points you can better invite her on a date doing things you both would enjoy.



Makes sense?

[Asker]

Yes but can you tell me how I should ask her out

[BarryLiverstone]

Not really. You know her better than I do. However I’ve learned if you incorporate it into conversation and make it less pressure it allows her to say no without guilt. For example you could tell her :

“This Friday night I wanted to check out the New Mexican restaurant my friends told me about. Want to join me?” Or any other event or activity you can think of. That way if she says yes you get your answer and if she declines you still can go and have a good time yk

[Nikki1989]

LMAO