Is taking too long to reply to texts a legit reason to dump someone?

Question

he's not my boyfriend yet but i been seeing this guy for about a few weeks and he went from replying every 15 mins to texting me 2 to 3 times a day. He claims he's busy but im not buying it.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Is he a student on a break, or taking 3 credits a semester? Is he unemployed? If so, then you might have a case. But if he has a real job or a real school schedule, then, yes, he's busy. And if he doesn't work an office job, it's especially true.

In lots of jobs, the idea that you can sit and text all day will get you fired. Not only did employers not hire workers to text all day, but in many jobs, it can be dangerous, and on some jobs, one person not working can idle several other workers who are waiting for the one texting.

Even after work or on days off, it's not like the rest of his responsibilities vanish. Plus, you need to understand how male brains work. As a rule, we focus deeply on one thing at a time - we don't multi-task. Which means that if he is texting you, he can't do anything else. As a woman, you probably can, because women tend to multi-task by default. But (most) men don't work that way.

If he's texting you a couple of times a day and seeing you in person a couple of days a week, then he's meeting reasonable adult expectations.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

This is cute because on how you said it.

It's like I can hear you say well, if it's not legit. Then i'm not gonna do it l o l

You don't need to be legit. You don't need to tell any one any thing on why you doing it
Is somebody can't figure out why that's their problem? You would think since you're walking away , they would think , because you're unhappy , but some people's brains don't go that far. For whatever reason you want if you're not happy , you can leave , you can walk away and start all over again because it's your life.

Noredcarpet · Accepted Answer

To me that sounds normal that it is more intense at first but then it lingers. You know not to offend you or anything but I do think it is a common misunderstanding that your attitude what you think is right or wrong when, how to text is the only way, and so from that perspective you see what he is doing now as wrong. We have different ways of looking at it and so it is soooo important you can talk about it.

I would state how I use my phone, about the texting, to ex and current but unfortunately for me it did not help as they had decided their way was the right way. I have stated the same thing to other people in my life so they know about before and do not take it personally. Some really like to text and not call, some do not look at text as so important. What I would wish for is that you do not assume the worst as of yet before you know him better. If there are other signs beside texting that make you think he is not all that into you then yes take that in consideration but please do not judge him on the texting part alone.

thatgirl2000 · Accepted Answer

Yes just dump him. What I've learned is that specially in the age group between 25 and 29 if he's in that age group even older they have their phones permanently attached to their hands even at work. So unless he's a damn surgeon, just any reason he can take 5 seconds to text you back he's not interested. I realized that as much as men and women can both be complicated no disrespect to men but Men actually are more straightforward and direct so if there's something that they want they absolutely do whatever they can to earn it and to chase after it if they don't seem like they're making effort that's your answer

HawkPerception · Answer

If someone wants you in their life, they'll make the time for you. So yes, it's a legitimate reason to stop talking with someone, regardless of what people are saying here. Relationships take effort in communication.

However, you should always communicate what you feel. Tell him you really appreciated how often and quickly he used to communicate. Ask him what's changed that's making him respond less. If he doesn't have a legitimate reason as to why he's not communicating as often, then I'd move on.

Finchie40 · Answer

Good thing you are walking away, you are doing him a favor lol , I would understand if he wasn’t texting you for days at a time but he is still texting you every day , he is probably busy with work etc. most jobs don’t. Allow play time on phones , when I am at work I barely touch my phone unless I am not busy

ShellyB · Answer

There might be things that would affect this that you didn’t mention or might not know, but just guessing from what you did say, he might be losing interest or might think you are too needy. But, a lot of things could change that, for example did anything in his life change about that time, like did his school semester start or did he get a job?

AviatorTom · Answer

No it is not. Some people don't like to text. Others, like me, are not glued other phone. Sometimes, I don't even see a text until the next day. There is no requirement for an instantaneous response, nor should one be expected.

Fireguy17 · Answer

I'm a busy person, my phone does not take priority from my job, saving lives, dealing with whatever people can do to themselves in any given day is just a bit more important. Many times I do not have my phone on me due to the conditions we work in, many times I cannot even hear it, as I have my notifications turned down, or on a motorcycle, or driving and I need to be with someone who is independent, who is fine when I get back to her because she also has a life.
I just do not have that much free time.

Labokachulaa · Answer

If that is something you have made clear from day one, you absolutely have a reason to leave. There are 24 hours in a day. There is always time to communicate with your partner. People make time for what is important to them, always remember that.

Purpleronnie · Answer

Hahah , this guy has no chance. Not your boyfriend and you’re considering dumping him for texting a few times a day.

If you think it’s a light reason to dump him … then it is … who am I to say that your expectation is completely unrealistic 😂

bunnyboo24 · Answer

Depends how far we talking. I would take it as a red flag if he responce within seconds all the time cause it shows he has no self discipline aka can't be a leader. But if he takes days to respond then yes. Hiowever the fact that you talk 2-3 times/day is not a red flag at all if you ask me. But you should see each other irl more than texting

Lliam · Answer

2 to 3 times a day is a lot! It would annoy the hell out of me if someone texted me every 15 minutes. It would mean that they are 1) clingy, 2) demanding and 3) didn't have a life.
What do you even say every 15 minutes?

If you don't have anything better to do than text constantly, you need to get a job or at least a hobby, or get out of house and do something constructive.

Zack-Bann · Answer

I would say fast replies are a red flag

An adult with nothing else to do with his time is clearly lacking in some way

You shouldn’t be waiting by the phone either

Just live your life and text back when you can

And try meeting up. Real life dating is so much better

beenherebefore · Answer

If you're not buying it then move on. As you said he's not your boyfriend, he doesn't have to be committed to text you every fifteen minutes, it's unfair of you to expect him to be so invested when you're not even in a relationship, too soon to be acting that way. Move on.

coralodyssey · Answer

Find a hobby and stop waiting around for his texts. Whether he is busy or not has nothing to do with you especially because he isn’t your boyfriend. Why would you want to be with a man that has so much free time he’s able to text you every 15 mins? Why are you so available that you’re able to text him every 15 mins? At least try and communicate with him before deciding to dump him.

Anonymous · Answer

Even if he co to us to text like he used to, eventually it’s going to go back to texting only a few times a day. A lot of men don’t live on their phones. We don’t wait around all day for women to text us the way a lot of women do. Maybe he met someone else he’s not too busy for. Honestly if I was him reading your question we’d be done. You seem pushy.

jazzy34 · Answer

" "he's not my boyfriend yet but" Stop right there. He's busy, alright... entertaining other options. You're not the only woman he's talking to. Trust me, I went through this. No one is that busy.

Nikki1989 · Answer

You don't have these immature issues if you don't text and just talk like a civilized adult instead.  I have messages disabled on my phone, and now people have to talk to me. It is wonderful.

Pohjolan · Answer

I mean you are demonstrably not very much into him so its maybe better for him as well.

You are probably one of those women who has unrealistic expectations and will end up being always disappointed.

Also its not dumping at that stage. You are just not going to see him anymore.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

I wouldn't read too much into his decline of texting. Things might be fine but he might be busier or maybe not by his phone as much. See how things are going in person and judge how things are going from there, maybe? Just a thought.

Anonymous · Answer

Depends. It depends whether she is constantly harassing him driving him to not want to reply but 2 to 3 times a day. by the way, 2 to 3 times a day isn't that little actually. But I can understand how she would think it is if he started every 15 minutes.

Anonymous · Answer

Not everyone's lives surrounds their phone 24/7. It's insane how everyone thinks everyone should be available to them 24/7.

Alex-Snow · Answer

Some guys are not into texting or an instant reply. If it bothers you move on or maybe talk irl to him about it. Are you two sexually involved yet?

LiamS95 · Answer

I don"t know if he's working or not but where I wotk depending on your position, texting during work hours is grounds for dimissal.

LiamJHayden · Answer

It is your relationship. Whatever  you  consider a sufficient reason is legit.

Staximus · Answer

Don't text him when he's at work. Some guys don't want to or don't have time to sit there and text you all day. Welcome to adult life.

Anonymous · Answer

If the vibe shifts that hard, it’s a red flag. Busy’s fine, but consistency matters 👀" Want it more playful, savage, or understanding

dudeinohio · Answer

Its possible he's busy and can't be texting all day.

Anonymous · Answer

No. Maybe try establishing set times for you to call each other.

Richardjd · Answer

As long as it's not weeks then no people have their own lives to live

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Why do girls get so upset about that. You know we do get busy. Sometimes it takes a little longer to respond

noohair · Answer

Texts are not phone calls. I never jump to answer them...

iMolly7 · Answer

What to long? Maybe they need to think of an answer.

slatyb · Answer

2 to 3 times a day? That's way too much texting.

Flower7 · Answer

How often do you see him?

exitseven · Answer

What if you had to write letters?

AngryCarl2 · Answer

Two to three times a day? Clingy much?

Iron_Man · Answer

Move on? I hate that too

shortster · Answer

Less than 24 hours, no; more than, yes.

guesswhereivebeen · Answer

Relax… your gonna get him or her caught

Anonymous · Answer

No, I don't think so.

itsannalee · Answer

Come on, grow up.

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

Probably im in a very similar situation

supercutebutt · Answer

Sure.

Is taking too long to reply to texts a legit reason to dump someone?

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