How long should I wait to get a text back without seeming needy?

[Anonymous]

Hi, so there is this guy I really like. We been really hitting it off and I am scared to fuck things up because of a few reasons. I won't list them all but I will say is that I know, I am a very needy person. I naturally get insecure if I don't hear from you but I AM WORKING on it. I try and tell myself good thoughts and keep busy when I am waiting. Because it caused so much anxiety on my exes, I finally am trying to learn from my bad behaviors before. However I am clearly needing to work more on myself because I am starting to get insecure with this guy. I have not told him anything because I don't wanna scare him but he has withdrawn. he texts less often and his replies are so short. When we met he would text a lot and sometimes he would send me long ass paragraphs that I would take 5 minutes to read. I dunno what has changed but I am feeling worried. Part of me wants to rationalize this fear because clearly he's different and that could be a sign of something is going on. But part of me knows from my past is I overthink every little thing, even the change in voice. It's been 3 days since I last heard from him. He doesn't know I get scared when he takes awhile to reply. How long should I wait and give him space before I should send him a new message? I don't wanna be that "needy" girlfriend again. and No I don't want a guy who wants to be with a needy person. I know they are out there but I really don't think it is healthy for me to indulge in this side of me.

[coachTanthony]

It always gets hot and heavy in the beginning with texting and talking on the phone. I wouldn't sweat it. I would move with the flow and the flow sometimes means slow down. Most people can't keep up the cadence of all that communication. Sooner or later things need to slow down at a manageable pace.

So I wouldn't text him at all. If he never texts again then you know he's not interested. Period. If you text and he responds then he could be just feeling sorry for you and you don't want that. Let the man lead the relationship or let the man go. You don' need to be throwing soggy logs on a dead fire.

If he finally does text you then you can let him know your communication style. You sound like an Anxious attachment. If you don't know what that is then I suggest you google it and take a quiz to see what attachment style you are.

[Asker]

Is it weird that part of me is okay with him just seeing me for shallow reasons? If he wants to be just a friends with benefits I am fine with that too. But I am actually getting concerned something happen to him since he has been completely MIA. He usually posts a lot on social media but he hasn't at all. I am scared though to ask "Hey are you ok?" lol since I want to seem more independent. I have had people text me if I am okay or if I am mad and so now I know from first hand experience that it seems pushy and weird to do. Especially since it hasn't been that long of time. What do you think? And I never heard of that. I don't want to accept this part of me though, I want to self-improve, so regardless of labels, I just want to deprogram how I process some things

[coachTanthony]

I have nothing more to add on this! Good luck to you!

[Asker]

Oh. Okay?

[williamHD]

Be yourself and find a hobby and wait three days then text him first show interest and keep the conversation to a day and half tops and then dip

[Asker]

It's already ben four days. And... Why should I dip? That sounds like you want me to play games. I don't do that lol

[williamHD]

Don’t mean like that I mean don’t keep the conversation going that’s all

[Asker]

Well, I wasn't trying to. I was actually trying to not keep up conversation. He recently went camping and I was planning to leave him be while he camped but he would randomly send me messages the entire time. Since he got back though he's just been M. I. A. Not even on social media at all. I am starting to fear maybe something happened or he lost his phone

[GirlyGal20]

First do you have a full life that keeps you occupied and not waiting by the phone? second, if you're needy talking to several people helps keep the focus on him not texting you, and helps you stay busy

[Asker]

Well I was occupied with school and work. But for the past week I have only been needing to work and have only been doing my 4 hour shifts since I don't go back to working full time for another week and a half. I don't really have a lot of friends and the ones I do have are usually very busy. Almost this whole week I been alone with my thoughts, watching tv or just using my phone for hours. I dunno how to change this since I am not good at making new friends

[SandandWaves]

why don't you just send him a silly picture. or ask how things are going?

[sonerovski]

Even Jesus waited 3 days to be resurrected. I think 3-day-rule works.

[jaclyndavis]

🤣🤣🤣

[Asker]

Hahaha this one made me crack up. That's a good point !

[Feelicks]

Just respond when you feel like it instead of worrying about it.

[Asker]

Whenever you feel like is a vague term lol I don't now but God forbid I wanted to send 10 messages in one day, that would scare most people away esp if I was asking the same thing over and over. Shit I had a guy do that to me once and I couldn't deal so I had to let it go (it was hard to do but I just couldn't handle it ands he couldn't stop)

[jaclyndavis]

Seems like you might've already scared him.

[Asker]

I don't see how I would have since I've actually made an effort to change my ways. I have never once did anything remotely needy with him. And when I'm with him I make it clear that I want to take things slow (which he agreed to) and get to know each other well and that it's okay if he sees other girls