How soon after dating would you have the exclusivity talk?

Question

I did after a month. I feel a month is long enough to know.

Noredcarpet · Accepted Answer

It is so typical of me I can't even remember this, but I know the guys would ask me first if we could do the exclusive (only I have always dated as ny own rule one guy during same period as I never did understand how you could fall for two guys or more, if I am into someone it is only that someone, but would not ask them if they did the same). If I recall it right they must have asked me early on or quite early, but period of time I can't remember.

The only guy I did get a feeling as if they were others around or into him and he moved things slower I was right about. Always trust your gut. Long story short incidents, periods of other girls being into him and him denying that, saying just friends, just ex, calling me jealous or me getting it wrong til they were desperate or frustraded or thought they stood a chance, and who you might wonder would give them that idea? Yep, him. I could buy he was good looking, but knows others who have stronger boundaries who too were, so not about that. Just a bad excuse. Nothing against being friendly, empathic but there is a line. He was always making excuses til it would go too far then have a strong reaction towards the girl because only then did it look bad or obvious to him he claimef, and of course afraid of how I would look at it. I would be right about other girls in his life, co worker etc that they had no feelings for him or him them so those I was fine with, and the ones I did get this feeling, knowing about I was right about (don't forget I'm a girl too, we know each other maybe in a way guys don't always do, but it is as if some guys don't get that). Looking back I can tell he hid things from me or tried to. He made sure I wasn't given a choice. Would even tell me had you known (about him and an ex) would ypu not walk away? He delibertly tried to hide it from me. Had I known I think I would have said no, thanks. We were exclusive when his ex made this whole operation to get him back. I think for better or worse just say it as in him not saying anything caused trust issues later on. We almost made it, I thought, til he began to get a little too friendly with an unstable girl who crossed boundaries to me, and so had he. Up to that point I thought he had learned from before to not put me through something like that again because there was a period I found him rigid towards other girls. It is still and always will be to me OK to be nice towards others female, male, but there are rules I've always followed on my own single or not to cause no confusion, drama etc with guys I'm familiar with, never wanting a partner or a socalled friend guy get the wrong idea or others the wrong ideas. Think too for those who decide exclusive to keep it and overall have your own rules set so nobody gets to be insecure or have drama that follows. Quilty or not it is still the processe that impact, destroys to a point when I just said to him that Im at a point I don't care how much further this has gone, it is the process that is something I never wanted or refuse to go through again. There is something off with a guy when these things keep happening long after you are supposebly exclusive, it may have been nothing or little of value to him but you should consider your partner or else you yourself is not a good partner, "exclusive" or not.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Towards approx. the end of the two month marker if you're not seeing each other daily and presuming sex and sleeping over each others' places is right around the corner.

Sooner if you're seeing each other daily. (No, texting daily doesn't count.)

Telekinetic-Potato · Accepted Answer

I don't know because it's hard to really say when you "started" dating.

Most of my relationships started off as casual things. And we would talk about our opinions on those topics way before what I would call dating. Just as the type of natural conversation that comes up when two people are becoming friendly I guess.

But I would say, have that conversation as soon as you're ready to expect commitment from the other person.

If you really think about it, really what you're trying to avoid here is one of those situations where you find out about a pre-marital fling that happened a little too close to the wedding date if you get what I mean. That is, if you're looking to be traditional.

And even if it's "technically" not cheating in some people's books, nobody likes to find out the person they're talking to is having flings or being romantic with other people.

So I think the math goes something like how cheated on would you feel if the person had sex with someone else right now vs how sure/ready are you to commit to this person right now.

And going through that thought process I think usually lands you in a place where you have the conversation gradually.

In my experience if you do that, the girl will usually bring up the big conversation eventually and to be honest, I don't think I would trust a woman who it didn't work out like that.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

There is people on one extreme who date for years and won’t so much as be girlfriend and boyfriend. There is another of jumping in on the first few dates. Both are red flags.

I think after a few months if you genuinely enjoy spending time together and like one another exclusively you can slap a title on it.

The issue is that people get carried away too soon can fall into either a dark personality or two good people can just waste one another’s time creates fantasies of one another…. And then the relationship ends in resentment and disappointment because they didn’t genuinely get to know one another until later on when they aren’t compatible and don’t have much in common… But it’s worse if someone’s love bombing and takes advantage of you.

Someone dating too long signals that they’re using you. Could be for sex. Could be for dates. Could be for validation. As well as keeping you around if all else fails. That’s not genuine…. And even if you become exclusive later chances are as soon as someone they perceive as better comes around. They will cheat and best case they will just dump you.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I agree with you. Three or four dates is enough to discover obvious dealbreakers and to know whether there is mutual attraction.

Zack-Bann · Answer

Almost immediately if I want to be exclusive

And as late as I can if I don’t

But I never date the same person non exclusively for an extended period of time

One night stands are fine

Even a week of sex because we’re bored is cool

But if we’re dating, like going on dates, I don’t expect her to have a date with another guy the next day.
Or me with another girl

So if a conversation is warranted we will have it

Last girl I dated insisted on having an open arrangement.
So I wished her good luck and left it there
No judgement but it’s not for me

sawno · Answer

I don't have a fixed date, its whatever felt natural. In my last relationship we met long distance and wanted to make it official in person but that took a while with the lockdown. We were just organically not interested in anyone else so we were already exclusive in practice and confirmed to each other we were, and we also confirmed to each other that if either one wanted to ask we'd say yes. That then went on for months that way until it felt right to at least go half way and be online official. And eventually when it was finally possible to meet up I asked her properly after decorating our hotel room and presenting her with a few gifts one of them being me and another being something that symbolized our relationship. I take my relationships as serious as a marriage so for me the asking to be official is as high of a barrier as asking to marry would be for others thats why I want to do it properly.

Screenwriter · Answer

I would say somewhere around a month or so. You've felt the person out, they're felt you out. You're interested enough to go forward. And I would say so after going out at least weekly and talking more than that.

If they disagree you know where you stand with them and also that they're not that interested in you.

OneViewpoint · Answer

It depends on the 2 people, where they are in life, their individual short term and long term goals, and how much each is attracted to the other. It could be an obvious simple conversation if they are on the same page. Or it could be a difficult discussion if they are not in synch.

Anonymous · Answer

I was never to interested in date around, but even the girls I would start seeing I pretty much said no games 3 dates and maybe a week or 2 of talking it’s either moving forward and we’re exclusive or I’m going out with the boys next weekend.
Honestly I don’t think it’s worth dating someone that is going to go on a date with me and turn around and date someone else just in case.
I want be treated like a runner up trophy nore will I treat a woman like one.
That mindset is probably why all my friends are divorced but not me. I done fucked up put in 25 years with my tutor from college. She’s doesn’t seem disappointed either.

MrChinaski · Answer

As soon as you both see that dating is something you want to do on an ongoing basis.

What's the point of making yourself vulnerable with someone if they don't see your relationship that way? And what is the point of dating more if you don't want to make yourself vulnerable?

MikeMcMansion · Answer

You didn’t give the right answer as an option. A couple of weeks! Even before the day you are intimate with each other and go on more than 2 dates and plan a third is the day you should stop talking to another person you are seeing or are interested in dating.

Ridiculous, gen alpha is inheriting a pile of shit as society nation and culture and that goes for everywhere on earth right now.

Anonymous · Answer

Never had that discussion before but I wouldn't have dates with multiple people scheduled in advance. Once I'd agreed to go on a date with someone, I'd decline from anyone else and I'd be put off by going on a date with someone on a Friday only to find out they planned on going on one with someone else the next day and I wouldn't want to go on the date anymore if I knew they were doing that.

4ngelic · Answer

to me if you're 'dating' you're already exclusive. if you mean when should the getting to know each other period end and become a couple, whenever if ever you developp mutual feelings for each other. there's no time limit

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not sure. I guess whenever she brings it up. I mean I'm not going to. And if I reach a certain point and I feel I'm just one of many guys she's seeing then I'm probably just going to end it. I mean she either wants to be with me and only me or she doesn't. I guess I've never had this problem. Most women, basically all the women I date seek me out.😆

Unycorn · Answer

It depends the time we spend together.  How we get to know. How much we know from each other. Maybe you see 3 times per week. Maybe every 14 days. Time only does not tell when the right situation is.

lilBigPotato · Answer

Never had that talk. It pretty much happend naturally. If we keep dating after 1+ month, then I should not have to tell you that it's about time to make up your mind.

Purpleronnie · Answer

I wouldn’t say there is any need to qualify or quantify the time , you just know when you want to and that’s the right time to ask , depending on how the other responds you know where you stand.

Nikki1989 · Answer

I have never had an exclusivity talk. No need for it. It either happens or it doesn't.

Twodogs0525 · Answer

I've never had that talk, it was pretty much understood that we were exclusively seeing each other until one of us felt we aren't compatible.

RavVid · Answer

I think pretty early if it is serious. If a girl is going to date others than I am not serious or it stops being serious.

SAMI_DABBAB · Answer

Depends on how frequently you data and chat but should be between 2-4 weeks normally, longer is a waste of time and shorter is borderline desperate which could be off putting

Twalli · Answer

If we feel the spark and it's not going to flare up and fizzle out, early. It helps that I only date from my friend group. We already like each other. If sexual chemistry is there, we don't need to wait.

Staximus · Answer

The first day. I'm a "one woman man" and only fool around with or date one woman at a time. If a woman can't give me the same respect then I'm out.

DextroShade · Answer

I didn't initiate the exclusivity talk because the woman is supposed to. When she did I told her what exactly I expect from any woman I would take seriously.

beenherebefore · Answer

I think between 3-6 months is time to have that talk.

msc545 · Answer

Never - doing so is an absolute waste of time. Moreover, you should not agree to something that women are not going to abide by, no matter what agreement is supposedly made.

Anonymous · Answer

None of the above.. First date.. If she's seeing others, it ends on the first date or I want nothing to do with her. I don't deal with casual dating or causal sex.. Both are huge red flags.

Anonymous · Answer

Talk? If I'm interested, it would be as soon as possible. There is almost no chance I wouldn't be exclusive from the jump.

exitseven · Answer

I would say two weeks but would not want to jump the gun so I would wait a month ,

Anonymous · Answer

I never did have that ridiculous talk... It simply happened quite naturally.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Whenever seems right. Maybe second date, maybe never.

jahaims · Answer

If I'm dating someone it is automatically exclusive

Guanfei · Answer

Right when you start dating. What are you going to do? Date multiple people?

Pohjolan · Answer

Its kind of the woman who is supposed to bring it up.

abc3643 · Answer

In my generation, that was more or less implied.

rosemilk · Answer

a couple of weeks

queenofcardio · Answer

Maybe 3 weeks 🤔

Miristheiss · Answer

When she brings it up.

Zionne · Answer

maybe a couple of weeks

Anonymous · Answer

Whenever she starts.

smashleyy · Answer

2-4 months

Rendozov · Answer

I do go kind of slow. So I picked month

slatyb · Answer

Before having sex

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Depends on situation

WonderingManII · Answer

A month

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Third date.

shortster · Answer

After the 3rd date

How soon after dating would you have the exclusivity talk?

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When should you have the exclusivity talk after you start dating?

How soon after dating would you have the exclusivity talk?

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When should you have the exclusivity talk after you start dating?

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