Did I just get played?

[Anonymous]

I am very lonely and have no one. No friends, no family, live in a city where its hard as hell to date. So I went on a dating app, very cute guy messaged me. We texted for 2 weeks, we got to know each other very well. By this point, we have already established a strong rapport/ connection but he just keeps flaking out on plans to meet since he said he too afraid of losing his independence by having a wife /kids. We got into an argument about this with me accusing him of deliberately playing me

I stopped talking to him, it was very painful since I had absolutely no one. 3 weeks later, he texted me a big red heart and saying he missed me. By this pint, I had fallen in love with another man who ended up ghosting me for some unknown reason. I was collapsed in tears and had no one to turn to. He was the only one there for me as I cried my eyes out. This time, he actually showed up to cuddle with me and wipe away my tears. He literally saved me. We made out, kissed and got all hot and bothered.

we agreed to be friends and that he would be there for me emotionally when I needed it. (since I had absolutely no one). Then another 3 weeks had went by and I developed feelings for him. I was attracted to him and loved the way he cared for me. I really missed him and he said he missed me too and that I was beautiful and sweet and that he felt the same way about me.

Then I left for vacation... we agreed to meet when I came back home. He texted me all throughout vacation even texting to check up on me. But the day before we were scheduled to meet, he ghosted me. I did some research and found out that he didn't even give me his real number. He gave me a google voice number. After all the connection we built, after all we learned about each other, after the rapport, he was like my best friend, he wouldn't even give me his real number.

My question is... was he genuinely afraid to lose his independence? or did he deliberately lie/ play me all along? This is traumatizing

[rini02]

Girl, that's seriously traumatizing...
I think he wasn’t that serious with you...

[Asker]

So you think he played me along right from the beginning?

All this time, he kept saying he wanted to have kids and start a life with me.

[Asker]

Even texted to check up on me while on vacation. But I also noticed he didn't put that much effort into his texts and kept saying the same things over and over again. Not much creativity or originality. He mostly only texted at night. In the beginning, he lured me back my constantly texting me in the middle of the day telling me he missed me

[rini02]

There are guys who say a lot of things, but they don't mean it, nor do they act on it...
I hope you can move on and find someone genuine this time, someone who actually cares for you and respects your feelings...

[Asker]

So you're saying he just played me all along, not that he feared losing his independence?

[rini02]

Honestly, he can say better... I don't know him personally, so I am no one to decide...

[Anonymous]

Since this is a made up story, dies it really matter. You f***ed it up in the last paragraph. It might have been believable till then. I won't tell ya where you f***ed it up but re-read it a few times abd you'll probably figure it out.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like it. He might have been still debating continuing the relationship, and ultimately decided not to. At least you can get dates and try again.

[whosnumber_1]

You said he wanted to keep his independence by his wife and kids?

[Asker]

he said he didn't want to lose his independence, thats why he was reluctant to date and marry me. But he says he DOES eventually want a wife and kids but just can't get himself to do it. I can't tell if this is just an excuse to play me.

[whosnumber_1]

Gotcha, his whole MO seems pretty flakey. I guess maybe invest your time in building out your friend network instead of channeling everything into a dude.

[whosnumber_1]

The whole experience does seem frustrating.

[Asker]

issue is that it is very hard to make friends in my city.

[Asker]

to this point, I can't tell if he deliberately deceived me since day 1 or if he was actually just scared of commitment and losing his independence.

[whosnumber_1]

Well, we're friends now! So there ya go!

It may have been a bit of both, or maybe he can see that you are eager for attention and isn't ready for a relationship like that

[Asker]

I'm eager for attention?

[Asker]

where are you from? I'm in NYC

[whosnumber_1]

I live on the opposite coast. Lol! Canada. But I'm always up for a chat

[Asker]

Would you possibly want to zoom chat?

[Asker]

its just hard communicating everything in detail by writing

[Asker]

not interested in writing a novel

[whosnumber_1]

We can chat here in message for now if that works!

[Asker]

i would but just kinda tedious. Hard to type everything out

[Asker]

cuz there is a lot more to the story than the post above

[whosnumber_1]

Gotcha, well it's almost midnight for me now. But I'd be happy to chat anytime in messenger and if you wanted to zoom sometime to talk about it at a later date we could

[Asker]

I followed you. please accept so we can message.
would you be ok with sharing an email too?