How are people finding love on dating apps?

[Anonymous]

When it's almost impossible to find someone high quality on there? I've honestly met higher quality people on Craigslist than on any dating app I've ever been on

[HawkPerception]

My brother and his wife found each other on Tinder. They've been together since 2018 and just got married this year. And my mom found her partner on a dating app as well like 16 ish years ago.

Dating apps CAN work, but the truth is, they don't for the majority. You have to be very lucky to find someone who fits your bill of a partner who makes you happy and suits you and vice-versa.

The issue is so many people have shiny object syndrome. It wasn't like the past where you only had to compete with one guy named Alex a city away. Nowadays, we have social media, so we're competing with EVERYONE in an area. And because of that, especially when it comes to women... because they get a LOT of attention even at lower levels of attraction, their standards are unrealistically high.

Shiny object syndrome means you always get distracted by something else in the corner of your eye (all the options you have on social media).

We're a dopamine addicted generation used to scrolling fast and not having a great attention span. We get bored if something doesn't elevate our lives in some form or way.

The key to success in a relationship is to not give up any time there's a bump. You need the desire to work through issues rather than giving up entirely. And you need to learn to be content with the quiet and boring times in a relationship. Relationships aren't how social media paints them.

[MrOracle]

They aren't. Dating apps aren't designed to create successful matches, they are designed to create false hope and constant engagement with the app. There is absolutely nothing about their design that would promote quality matches - they all cater exclusively to the most shallow characteristics. They are nothing but empty calories - like trying to live on a diet of Twinkies and Mountain Dew.

Meanwhile, they have also effectively killed off most of the few places people could go and meet people, and what dating apps didn't kill, social media and the #MeToo movement finished off.

If you want to actually meet someone today, you have to really work for it. By far, the best way to meet people is to make new circles of friends by getting involved in coed activities (sports, book clubs, car clubs, bowling, karaoke, or whatever coed activities you might have around you), making friends with people there, and eventually meeting THEIR friends.

Yes, it's a big investment in time, and, no, there are no guarantees, but it's your best odds for success and you will be meeting people organically, and they will be locals who you could actually date, unlike the people you want on dating apps who are never local.

Dating apps only sell you a false dream (unless your dream is casual sex with a hotter guy than you could pull for a relationship), but meeting people through circles of friends is real. You won't get catfished and they will already be vetted to a degree by your friends.

[Asker]

No. I feel like the people on there just usually don't seem fun to be around. Usually not the most attractive

[MrOracle]

I see you don't understand a few things about dating apps.

1. The most attractive guys don't need dating apps to get girls - they get them just walking around. And to the degree that they DO use dating apps, it's just for casual sex - they'd never take a girl seriously that they met on a dating app.

2. Dating apps use algorithms to decide how attractive each user is, and then they show matches that the algorithm decides are around the same level. In other words, the matches you are getting are what the app decides are on your level. If the app thinks you are a 6 (and that's just a made-up number for this example; obviously I have no idea what it thinks you are), then you are going to get matches that are 4s, 5s, 6s, and 7s, but few if any 8s, 9s, and 10s. They do this because every single woman on the app only wants the 10s, and if that's all they showed you, their business model would collapse overnight.

[Asker]

I actually attract way more attractive men in real life. I think it's just the types of people on the apps don't tend to be the most attractive in general

[MrOracle]

Hence point 1. The most attractive guys don't need dating apps (unless they are looking for an easy one night stand), so you aren't likely to find them on a dating app. Instead, you are going to find guys who have difficulties getting girls.

But, at the same time, if you need dating apps to attract a guy, you can't be a top choice either - and often, what keeps a girl from being a top choice isn't her looks, but rather her morals, values, attitude, and/or behavior. Tons of hot girls disqualify themselves almost immediately for those reasons, but few guys will ever tell her so. They just bump them down from "potential relationship" to "f recreational use only" and keep talking to her. That's what most women really don't understand.

[Asker]

I'm on there cuz I'm too shy to talk to guys in real life

[MrOracle]

Okay, but are your outcomes actually good when using the apps? I doubt it. And if they aren't, why keep doing something that doesn't work?

[emeraldsaphire]

I've only met a few of my partners on dating apps, and I met my husband IRL, but I've known quite a few people who met love on the Apps. The problem with the Apps is they are pretty low effort and there are just to many men on them. Every time I've been on them I'd get overwhelmed. Still they are a solid choice for meeting people depending on your situation.

You just need to be honest with what you want and develop a filter system to weed people out. like "hi" "hey" is an instant block. Like if you aren't gong to put in effort why should I.

[Abbycado]

I’ve never used one. Never heard anything good about them. I just meet people irl.

[DishLady]

In some cases I’ve seen they just settle for the best pick of the day/week and roll with it. 5/10 or higher and mildly compatible get them out on a Friday night… then the following week… and it becomes a habit if the person is even mildly appealing. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[OneViewpoint]

LOL, I used them when I first got divorced 10 years ago. I quickly found out they are a raging dumpster fire of entitled women or (in my area) the abused and broken former trophy wives of investment bankers who are popping antidepressants and the cork on a bottle of wine by 10AM and fucking their pool boy and tennis pro. The baggage I witnessed in 35-50 year old women who were never married or divorced was an education. That lasted about a year. It was a complete waste of time for men. I never looked back.

I found out I was much more marketable face to face in a conversation with a woman. Women can see what they are getting. You can't fake your looks, your IQ, or personality / style in person. And neither can she. Hair extensions, boob jobs or padded bras, makeup, eyelashes, and fake nails are all on full display along with her style, fitness, and knowledge of the world around her, any sense of entitlement, and addiction problems.

My impression of dating apps is that it's a wasteland of losers and people too timid to go meet other people face to face.

[Asker]

That's so true. I tried so hard to not lose faith in dating apps. But I've literally found better people on a shitty website like craigslist

[Texaskid1]

I don't think anyone does. Many accounts are fake. The real accounts are for people who are not my type. Lots of fat women and single mammas and women with tats and piercings (not my thing) and overall just women I would not touch with a 10 ft pole. Years ago I was on match. com and I had zero dates. Yes , zero. I would get a match or two a week but they were all hideous women. The very good looking women were either bots or women looking for rich guys. I understand that it is much easier for women, though. I am not saying you can't find anyone on those apps but it seems like a numbers game with very high volume. Frankly I just don't have the energy or patience for it.

[Asker]

Easier for women?

When you are rejecting everyone and anyone who isn't young thin and pretty?

[Jammannn]

Tinder released their data, have a look because its ironic you say that - undeinably women are the ones with unreasonable standards. Even fatties who are female aren't lacking in options.

Ultimately 88% of the users are men, an average women does better than the top 1% guy. If you're failing in that system its time for some self reflection.

[Asker]

@Jammannn

Fatties have options?

You just said u wouldn't date a fatty

[Jammannn]

Doesn't matter what I do I'm just one guy out of millions. Data doesn't lie, or care about your feelings.
The fat girls are getting success, do you think fat guys are? I think it boils down to the mentaility, when fat guys approach other guys and they tell them don't worry you're beautiful? Nah, hit the gym bro. That delusional has built women who don't take care of themselves, and if you can't put work into yourself you certainily shouldn't expect others to.
From a practical point of view I'd want my wife to live a long healthy life, and my kids to know about diet, fitness and health.

[MisterWack]

The dating app game is literally to make a profit, if you succeed at it (see I told you, you could do it) and if you fail (keep swiping and get your love on till it happens to you, since love is everywhere and it will happen to you!)

If you want a higher success rate, try finding someone out in the “wild” and don’t go by algorithms or advertisements or subscription services (yes dating apps have subscription services, shouldn’t be a shock at this point ngl).

[msc545]

If it was actually possible to find people in the wild as you put it, dating apps would not exist. Nobody uses dating apps by preference. Men use them because there's nothing else for us.

[MisterWack]

@msc545 Video Dating was a thing prior, you act like creating a ‘market solution’ in a Capitalist society was unheard of prior to dating apps. They gave you the convenience, but it comes at a price (same can be said by pretty much everything provided by the internet, smart device, rather than experiencing the outside world).

[Jammannn]

its only that for men, we're the only paying customers. You get 99+ likes in a day or so as an average girl

[MisterWack]

@Jammannn I looked up that apparently men outnumber women on Tinder in America an insane amount, holy. You are right about that.

[Jammannn]

@MisterWack Yeah its actually fucked, its like going to a bar and for every 9 dudes there's 1 girl. I'd just go to the next place, shame thats every online space in the west. Atroic does a fun video of it "insane statistics of modern dating" There is actually 0 point paying for it by the way.

I've met a dude who was the 1% doctor, traditionally handsome, etc. He just flies around the world and meets multiple women each week, and the women are cycling these same top tier guys who will tell them anything. Then complain lol.

[Asker]

@Jammannn

Lower your standards and u will find someone

[Asker]

So they are hiding high quality people from each other. Show low quality ones around so nothing works

[Phunk_Fenomenon]

Dating apps can produce relationships, but they’re not really designed around love. They’re designed around engagement. A lot of people go there for attention, validation, convenience, or casual options, and serious people get buried in that noise.

If someone wants actual love, they’re usually better off building a real social life and meeting people through shared circles instead of gambling on an app built to keep everyone swiping.

[lightbulb27]

Well, I think it's really a combination of

timing

maturity

good fortunes

skill

I've known several that were successful and in a short time. But the stars were aligning for them. For me, id have more success getting a root canal and asking out the hygenist (when I was single). It was torture.

For a woman, you will have to filter through 80% male desperate hopeless males it seem, so have your A game on.

[Mark_Est]

You are on there as well, thus you are part of the low quality selection. Or do you think that you are above the choices?

Also, perhaps the people who are better see you and dont want you, thus you only have so called scraps. A scraps for scraps situations.

[Wodens_Apprentice]

For any of the ladies currently lonely like me;

My discord: gedryht_of_woden_82760

I'm 6'4’’ currently looking for a Princess to throw over my shoulder 😇💪😈

Don't worry, I don't ask for nudes. But I do ask for honesty even if you're afraid I'll judge you. Even if I don't like what you say, your honesty will impress me, as honesty is so rare these days.

[andreasderjuengere]

Dating apps are just entertainment.. or a business concept for the tech savvy's 😛
"Love" cannot be found because it's just a romantic narrative concept.
What can be found, is a new contact that may or may not develop further.

[Spencer10]

I wouldn't. If I was looking for a real love I would look in the real world and avoid the cesspool that are dating apps.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. Everytime I use one of those apps, I some how do worst that the last time. Unfortunately, they have been my only realistic way to attempt to date. I'm probably going to try again soon, but I'm dreading it.

[Jammannn]

A women gets like 99+ likes within a couple hours-weeks you're saying you can't sort through that and find someone high quality? It makes me think you must not bring very much to the table.

[Anonymous]

It's only for attractive and interesting people.
3 years on that app, still no likes.
And which I do are mostly fake profiles.
And let's be honest if you not getting any one on app going out to a park or speed dating is the only option

[MrChinaski]

Match Group's share price is down 75% over the past 5 years. Enough said.

[Anonymous]

One of my friends found a good boyfriend on Bumble but the rest all had no luck. Just catfish, scammers and players.

[Mark_Est]

I find it funny when women complain about catfishes then wear makeup, fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake butt pants, pushup bras, toning underwear, botox and cosmetic surgery, and tons of filters and angles in every photo.

You are the catfish

[genericname85]

it's like winning the lottery. if you don't have incredible luck, it won't work for you.

[dudeinohio]

I've been successful. Takes patience and persistence.

[Anonymous]

They don't, it's marketing to keep the scam running and stop people actually interacting and breeding

[saw_Santo_Niño_Jesus]

Dating leads to marriage. Marriage is sacred that's why I believe people must treat dating seriously.

[FenixG45]

I would disagree. I've found many Ladyfriends on different sites, including this one!

[Anonymous]

That's an odd way to announce you punch above your weight.😆

[ChadThunderCack]

They are not, duh! They are finding quick ass to smash.

[snowboarder720]

I met my wife on a dating app 😁

[BCRanger10]

Not very well, it seems.

[Marissa4]

I haven't really I met my partner at the gym.

[karlaatsd]

Like what category on craigslist

[In_Trance]

You lost me at high quality

[Anonymous]

By talking to them I guess.

[FinancialMarketsMan]

It usually doesn't turn out well.

[jazzy34]

They're intentional.

[Drumlin2001]

It's a hard slog