Is this a good message to send to my ex?

[Anonymous]

She broke up with me for many reasons. Main reason I think is I didn’t make her feel special enough, she worried it could get messy. This girl was such a rare fine and too beautiful. I just can’t 😭. when we broke up I was hurt and told her not to contact me and unfollowed her off of instagram

I sent her a message 1.5 months after breakup a simple how are you etc.. she did ignore me

Message to send aswell as 100 roses 🥀

looking back on our relationship, I thought the connection we had was special and unique! The memories we made have stayed with me, I thought what we shared was genuinely meaningful. I do find myself thinking about you and wondering how you’re getting on, you meant a great deal to me and I still miss you much!

If you are open to it, I would really like to see you again and catch up it would be nice to hear from you 😊

Sounds good just do it

Nah don’t do it

[HollyK21]

I’m sorry but you really need to let it go now dude. You’ve become obsessively fixated on this woman to the point it is disturbing. You made your choice, and that choice was to follow your sister’s advice — which did not sound wrong in my opinion. Now you’ve got to learn from this experience and do your best to move on, it’s just over the top at this point. You say you got money and a handsome dude, then go find someone else. Without sabotaging yourself by comparing every woman to your ex, of course.

[Asker]

But she’s from my culture and so rare. Green eyes which is ridiculously rare, and such fair skin and we got on so well

[Asker]

She is in my profession, all of it doesn’t make sense how she could just drop me too

[Asker]

Should I do this as my last gesture then call it quits?

[HollyK21]

I was way too coddling about all that the first time we talked, even the second. Now I’m going to tell you it doesn’t matter — you’re doing too much. This is obsessive behavior and someone who has seen you making all these posts for weeks now needs to tell you how disturbing it looks from the outside. Just leave that woman alone and start focusing on other things. Then whenever you need a reality check, go tell your sister’s about this. Ready them that letter and allow them to set you straight as they did before.

[HollyK21]

**read them

[Asker]

Well look I’ve only messaged her once. But now you understand how bad I feel because of the magnitude of what I’ve lost. It’s not me just losing some pretty girl. Nah it’s a big loss

[HollyK21]

If she ignored your last message then why on earth do you think she’d like to receive another? Just because you’re stuck doesn’t mean she is. I can’t stop you from messaging her again but just know that if you do, it is a direct middle finger to her boundaries and making this all about what YOU want. You cannot beg and plead a woman into wanting you back, she either does or she doesn’t and as of now — she doesn’t. It would be far more respectful to just leave her alone, same as you asked of her. Sorry you went about ending things in an asshole way, sorry you have deep regrets and want her back, but it is not all about you.

[Asker]

I mean she broke up with me and was rude and disrespectful to me so that’s why I said that at the end as like a boundary to protect myself. I probably won’t send the message or do anything

[Asker]

Damn the issue is that I know I will never find a girl better than her in my life

[Asker]

This is my first girlfriend and for me to date a girl I have to be really wowed by her. But damn. It’s been 2 months and I am noticing myself detach believe it or not from her. However, I just know why I fell madly in love with her straight away. Because she is so rare and unique that I will never find a girl that ticks as many boxes as her. Dating for me is over, that’s why I want to try my level best.

[HollyK21]

I don’t know what your religious background is, but I feel like it’s fair for me to say that you need to trust gods plan for your life. Years ago I dated someone who also ticked off all my boxes, and when we ended things I was 100% certain I’d never find someone else with his qualities. Fast forward 5 years later, I’m engaged to someone who actually aligns so much more with who I’ve become vs who I was.

Right now, you are so fixated with this woman because you don’t think you’ll find someone like her again. However the goal is not to seek her in other women but to be open to change. The next woman may not have green eyes but bright blue ones like you’ve never seen. She may not work in the same profession but you respect the work she does because she’s passionate about it and then you find yourself actually becoming interested in that line of work, whereas before, you only ever focused on your current job. You just never know what sort of woman god has in store for you but you absolutely must trust his judgment if you are faithful to your relationship with him.

Believe it or not, 2 months is not a long time, even if it’s felt like ages. You need to be patient with yourself and let time do its thing, I mean you’re already seeing reluctant progress as you notice yourself detaching. First loves and first serious breakups are HARD, but that’s why you find distractions and support from other people. I know it’s tempting to reach out and I know you’re really feeling regretful, but I genuinely think you should respect her boundaries.

[Asker]

Globally there are only probably 1.5 million girls aged 20-26 from my religion. Which is nothing. She was honestly a shooting star if I walked past her I wouldn’t even recognise her as from my ethnicity. I also thought everything was so perfect we were a done deal

[HollyK21]

So you don’t trust gods plan for your life?

[Asker]

When I look at how messed up this is. I’m not sure.
Like I found my dream girl who checked out everything. We got on so well. Like genuinely such a stunning and unique looking girl never seen anything like her tbh. The chemistry from the beginning was off the charts.

Also I didn’t tell you that we had been intimate and only in the last week or so did we have sex properly and it was a disaster didn’t even get to do it properly and was so awkward as I was nervous. Complete mess.

Meanwhile she had so much anticipation and high expectations because of stuff we had done. That alone is another kick in the balls. Tbh I don’t know if this also had a big impact in her wanting to leave me. I feel like a couple days after this she had decided to break up with me. We had been arguing for a week prior on and off but she also did communicate a lot of interest in me as her dad rang my dad to arrange a meet up.

[Asker]

That’s another thing, the bad sex haunts me. I feel like ashamed about it. She was disappointed and later in an argument called it a car crash.

[HollyK21]

I get that you have regrets, but you can’t undo any of that, it is what it is. I really hope that you opt against sending another message and just respect the very clear message she is sending by ignoring you, which is that you need to move on. Wallowing in self pity won’t do you any good and to message her again in my opinion is purely selfish. I’m not even trying to be mean or rude by saying that, I’ve just been in her shoes and it was really upsetting to me that my ex kept sending messages and trying to get my attention. I don’t understand a man who will put his own selfish needs and ego above a woman telling him “no”. You say you don’t get how she could walk away so easily, but I feel like that is your pride talking. It’s as if you wanted her to chase or beg or stay despite being unhappy, you want things your way. Sometimes that’s not how it works.

[HollyK21]

You make this so much harder for yourself by hanging on tighter, rather than taking advantage of the fact that you are starting to detach. I think you are in a lot of denial and should work on acceptance instead.

[Asker]

Yeah I am working on it. How bad do you think the sex thing I told you is? Do you think that would have been a reason she broke off with me?

[HollyK21]

If I recall correctly, in our first conversation you mentioned that she didn’t like how you weren’t spending so much money on her anymore. That was the issue your sisters had with her, and you agreed, so what changed? Have you told them you want to get back with her? What are their opinions?

[Asker]

That is all true. My sisters aren’t that fond of her but told me that if I really like her because they haven’t met her then no harm in trying again.

But what I told you about the sex thing, is that really bad? Because I feel embarrassed by it

[HollyK21]

Well, like I said, do what you want ultimately, I just don’t think sending her another message after she already ignored the last would be a big middle finger. Boundaries deserve respect.

[Asker]

She hasn’t said any of her boundaries she would have blocked me

[HollyK21]

I used to think the same about blocking but this site has enlightened me hugely. No one seems to block anymore unless they’re in danger or stalked. The guys don’t block because they seem to leave the door open and the girls don’t block because they’re afraid of hurting feelings. I didn’t realize this was such a thing, but yeah.

I would say ignoring someone is boundary, because it relays that they don’t want to talk.

[Asker]

I feel like blocking should be the true wall. You can’t blame someone for trying to still pursue someone that they love obviously hard to draw the line

[HollyK21]

I agree with that, blocking can really officiate the “end”. I guess for me, I don’t think much about it because I’d expect my ex to have the self-restraint to accept the break up and leave me be. I don’t blame you for wanting to try, I’m just saying you already did, and she chose not to engage. That means she got your message, saw it and left it there on her own. You must be receptive of that to some extent, it’s only fair.

[Nikki1989]

You need to stop spamming this and seek therapy.

[exitseven]

do yourself a favor and just walk away. Or maybe bang your head against the walll until you feel better.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[sawno]

If you try it make this your last attempt since she was already not receptive to you.

[Mike_Hum]

there are no good messages to send to an ex. Quit being a bitch.

[Siajanua2027]

There is a reason an EX is an EX!