Why do I need to compromise so severely on my standards, as a man?

[Anonymous]

I never thought it would be this way, clearly we’ve crossed into a new generation, but the amount to young women with tattoos and piercings now, and that smoke and do weed and drink in excess. Even into my 30’s I still see a sizable subset of my peers refusing to grow up. It’s honestly ridiculous. What happened to women striving to be at their most elegant? In pursuit of their highest degree of natural beauty? Having a feminine demeanor and pleasant personality?

It is clearly a shift in culture and it’s a complete degradation. People sometimes wonder why I’m still single, well this is why. I cannot imagine getting close with the average woman in these times. I’m not even claiming to be the most upstanding or “elite” man or anything either, but I did have what I would consider a very good upbringing. I’m not trying to point fingers or belittle anyone either, that is not at all my intent. There are just certain expectation and standard that have been set and ingrained from a very young age, in my life.

I just wonder what the hell happened? It’s become “cool” to be a mess, for both men and women and I’m sorry but that is not me, nor will it be my future girlfriend or wife, if she even exists at this point. Like I said, it’s like people are refusing to grow up. We’re in a state of ”perpetual high school” with a huge percentage of our generation. I look around at so many people and it’s like “none of y'all are even trying.”

Updates

1 h

And maybe it’s just worse where I live. I don’t know. But it’s bad.

[HollyK21]

You don’t “need” to do anything. Just wait and if you can’t wait then adjust your standards. It sounds like you essentially want a perfect woman and that just doesn’t exist even without tattoos, substance use or any of that.

[Asker]

I’m definitely not even saying I expect a “perfect” woman but it would be nice if she upheld some traditional norms and values, and understood the idea of looking presentable. And a lot of women do, don’t get me wrong, but then they all of the sudden think they’re entitled to, or will chase the “perfect man“ and now, see how I just flipped the script?

[Zally]

I dont think any of these things have anything to do with being a mess and having tattoos etc. Its very clear the appearance of the person you want needs to be a certain way for you, but you will never find love like that, maybe your good upbringing has blinded you for things you might find useful right now. Some people choose to stay single forever so you could always do that if you want. People may ask but to be honest no one really cares who you're with and for whatever reason you're with someone.

Honestly, I would not compromise yourself for anyone. But love itself is something you learn, not get gifted. You could figure it out tomorrow, or when you're 85 who knows.

[Asker]

Nah I think people just need to wake up and get back to reality. What’s “normal” now was considered a freak show when I was a young kid. I remember entering middle school and high school, seeing kids dress scene and goth and whatever else and that was honestly truly the time my eyes were opened. Like “what is wrong with people?” Never in my wildest dreams would I think of dressing like that.

I truly think it’s a byproduct of people feeling hopeless in their day to day life. It’s easy to see why, it’s a difficult grind to get to a respectable “stature” in life. But there’s no hope or optimism, or any drive, self-belief, or motivation to make their situation better, so it’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy in how they choose to present themselves. It’s incredibly sad to me and they shouldn’t do that, but here we are.

[RavVid]

It is as bad as you think. To the degree that most women are not only unmarriageable but not even suitable as a girlfriend let alone as a wife.

High ego and high entitlement preclude workable relationships at all levels.

Female ego and entitlement has been forced feed by society.