What are realistic standards to have for a man?

[Sparrow012]

Being raised watching disney it seems as though it's easy to have unrealistically high standards for men (looking for 'Prince Charming')

So what are some fair standards/ deal breakers that you think would point to a good man (even if he is considered average)?

And on the flip side, what do you see as easily identifiable red flags upon meeting a man? (things that make you think he wouldn't make a suitable partner for a woman).

I'd love to hear your opinions, thanks in advance.

[MrOracle]

Really, the key is to pick your partner based on their morals, values, and life goals, NOT on their looks, money, status, or how exciting (i. e., chaotic, dangerous) they are. Most women only pick men based on the latter set of attributes, and are then surprised when their relationships always fail.

The reality is that the most attractive guys are never going to be the ones with good morals and values, because they've never needed those things to get what they want. In other words, you will have to sacrifice high levels of attraction, at least at the beginning, to get a quality man.

You also need to accept that some guys simply don't want relationships, or marriage, or children, or whatever. You will not be able to change their mind, so when you come across a guy who doesn't share your life goals, you need to move on. If you try to change him, you will fall every time AND you will only waste your time and energy.

That's why it's critical to set boundaries and expectations very early on - BEFORE you make a commitment - and vet the guy to make sure you have long-term compatibility with him. The only real chance you have to avoid major pain is to do this very early on.

[Sparrow012]

Wow that's super interesting.
Much to think on, thanks for your thoughts- certainly very helpful

[DaveJord]

So in the end, the simple facts are that men want all the same things that woman want out of a relationship. But woman tend to want those things earlier in life in general then most men.

Men do not figure it out until their later 20's or 30's and some never do.

As a man, I want to feel appreciated and validated by my significant other. I want them to be able to not only love me for what she spare in common, but to respect me for what we do not share in common. Its easy to love and respect someone when you agree on everything. But that is not reality. There is no perfect woman or man, no Prince Charming. So respect for differences is more important than similarities.

A more settle red flag that does not really stand out among the major ones, is when someone is unwilling or incapable of agreeing to disagree, and still respecting the defense while appreciating you for all the other things you do.

To often we get hung up on this believe that some other person should be your everything. Your "Princes Charming", or "girl next door".

Now from here I could list out 20 to 50 different things, but it really doesn't matter to most men. We overlook a lot of things, if she A.) makes us feel appreciated, B.) Respects us as a man. C.) Accepts for all the good thing we do as well as some of the not so good things.

If a woman can do this then I think any good man should do the same for her, and if he does not then that is a RED Flag. But finding and maintain that balance is the most important thing, and every relationship is different and should stand on its own merits.

[Sparrow012]

Makes sense. The respecting differences is something I hadn't thought of. Thanks for sharing your thoughts😊

[gothbxtch]

nice, loyal, communicative, attractive to you personally. nothing wrong with having high standards, though, as long as you don’t get mad if they’re not met.

[gothbxtch]

thank you!

[Sparrow012]

No worries, thanks for your opinion😁

[Nikki1989]

Finding a “prince charming” is a million to one shot.

[Sparrow012]

For sure, thanks for your comment.

[BarryLiverstone]

Some reasonable standards:


1. Hygienic - does he take care of basic hygiene
2. Polite - does he treat others nicely
3. Mostly truthful - is he telling lots of lies or can you trust most of the things he says
4. Reliable - if he sets an expectation of calling or meeting somewhere does he follow through with actions
5. Works on projects - whether it’s school or a job or a side project. Can you see evidence he’s committed to completing tasks.

[BarryLiverstone]

Red flags:

1. Substance abuse (maybe a personal one for me) - does he abuse alcohol or drugs or others non healthy substances like pills

2. Talks negatively constantly about everyone - if he’s always venting about his parents or coworkers you can see a pattern of his perspective

3. Demonstrates unneeded violence and anger - does he get into a strangers face or tell lots of stories of physical abuse

4. Is “perfect” - after a few conversations or dates is he so flawless that you know he’s faking it

[Sparrow012]

Very thorough. Thank-you very much Barry!

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. Hope this helps. I’ve seen some Disney movies also and the summary is we are all flawed people irl. But can our flaws be filled in by a matching partner

[BarryLiverstone]

How have these standards compared to what you have seen in the real world? I’m Christian so God has influenced some of my decisions in life.

[Sparrow012]

Hey Barry. Ah it's abit hard to say.
I'm also a Christian so God's word is my ultimate standard- which means I don't really even notice these other things if the man doesn't walk with God.
It's like the most important thing isn't there so everything else, to a certain extent, doesn't really matter.
I hope that makes sense😁

[BarryLiverstone]

That makes sense. Having Jesus in my heart allows me to have standards and I must submit to God. Obeying His word most of these standards will happen anyway and being called as a leader there is a desire to be above the standards as I will be responsible for a wife and family. Glad to hear you understand and will strive to also obey God. Blessings!

[Sparrow012]

For sure. May God bless you are keep you in your pursuit of Him😊

[BarryLiverstone]

Thank you. God has already blessed me beyond my comprehension and all I can do for a lifetime is use my gifts to glorify Him

[BarryLiverstone]

What are standards for girls that a guy should have?

[Sparrow012]

Proverbs 31. This type of woman, however is very rare- Ruth was described as a 'virtuous woman' so it might be wise to study her life/ character. Avoid woman who have characteristics that match that of the woman Proverbs 7, also contentious woman (mentioned in Proverbs 21).
Above all, be wise not to have marriage as an idol of the heart. It reminds me of how Israel desired a King, forgetting and rejecting God in the process.
It is better to remain single, as Paul did, and walk with God, than to follow the desires of the flesh.
That's the wisdom the Lord has given me, I hope it is of some help to you (James 1:5)

[Juxtapose]

Don't judge men by their wallet or looks, judge them by their character and similarities to you.

A lot of guys are going to be broke right now and if you go after the super fit guys then chances are they don't have good moral character since they have not had to have good moral character because they could just rely on their looks!

[Sparrow012]

Wise words. Thanks for your input 👍

[Juxtapose]

Thanks!

[NYlatefun]

It’s good to see smart people realizing how toxic is or used to be Disney. Multiple generations of mostly women were raised watching those movies and thinking they’d find their Prince Charming that would save them and be happy forever. The reality is that the Prince Charming does not exist and women are not princesses that are sitting waiting to be worshipped. Love is compromise and work and commitment and support and effort and I could go on.

[Sparrow012]

Yeah that's the conclusion I've come to also. Unfortunately these values aren't taught (from what I can see) and it can be hard to find sound wisdom on the matter.
I appreciate your perspective, thanks for taking the time to comment.

[NYlatefun]

I agree! Thank you! I appreciate people that are really thoughtful and not just go with the flow.

[MementoMori777]

Well for starters his heart has to be in the right place, he's gotta be sympathetic and loyal to commitment and have place in his heart for you, these are all basics tbh because it's what makes a guy that will love you and not cheat.

[Sparrow012]

Makes sense, thanks for the comment:)

[MementoMori777]

💯🙏

[zagor]

Honest, fit, competent, loyal, reasonably interesting, good work ethic.

[Sparrow012]

Thank-you!

[TheSpaceGnome]

Disney princess movies are stupid, the couple never has anything in common.

Date someone you share hobbies and interests with.

[ProbablyClueless]

Shared moral values, shared sense of discipline, alignment about interests like having kids, where you want to live; that sort of thing.

[LazerBean]

It completely depends on what standards you yourself meet.

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't hit you, mooch off you, or steal money from you to buy drugs, he's a better man than a some guys out there

[asphaltrhymes]

I'd like to think I'm a prince charming for short petite ladies in their 20s. I'm not strong, but I'm a slim and tall man 💪🏻♂️ 😬👀

[asphaltrhymes]

My teeth are white but they're not perfection either lol 🙂 on the plus side, im not fat, not balding, etc 😋

[LiamJHayden]

Makes you a priority and does not cheat are a start.

[Willlovewinintheend]

Don't settle for less find the prince charming.

[Anonymous]

He better clean, cook, hunt and shower and all of those things on the regular.

[Anonymous]

If you don't know it'd be pointless to tell you.

[es20490446e]

That he gets the basics well.