What does it mean when a boyfriend only buys expensive things for himself but not for his girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend does buy me gifts once in a while but they are only for special occasions he never surprises me with things. Okay I know so far it sounds selfish but here's an example. Recently my boyfriend bought himself a brand new xbox, new clothes, and pretty much new everything! I gave him a piece of paper with something I would like (his idea for me to tell him so that he could buy me things again his idea I don't like it) and he called saying that he wouldn't be able to get me it since its too expensive. I felt really bad after that because he got me really cheap gifts for Christmas, for my birthday it was nice (a lil), and for Valentine's day he did go all out, but I hate the fact that he spent a lot of money on an xbox WITH games and didn't even bother to surprise me with a gift. It hurts it really does. I would love and appreciate some advice. Thank You

Updates

+1 y

Rereading the question I understand that I sounded like a b-. I apologize for that. What I meant to say is that he isn't romantic anymore. Okay not b gifts cause I could care less but for example. He doesn't write love letters anymore he doesn't write poems like he used to. Recently he said he would make a comic book reflecting our entire love story. A week later he said he didn't want to do it anymore cause he didn't have the patience for it. Again I apologize if I came off the way all you guys think.

Updates

+1 y

I just wanted some advice but instead I got a lot of cursing believe it or not that does something to a girl's self esteem. I'm not a gold digger (hellooo I'm under 18 not at the age for that) plus my boyfriend just so happens to be the love of my life okay I understand my age the "love of my life" most likely doesn't exist but if you knew our love story u'd understand and if you get to know me I'm a nice girl. Nicer than most girls. And what I pointed out on the update above just hurts okay.

[Anonymous]

Guys know what to get themselves because they know exactly what they like, It's very easy. Gadgets, games, etc, we know how these things work and most of that stuff can be traded off for credit towards new stuff when we get sick and tired of it, If you don't like something he bought that was expensive it's just a waste. When it comes to women. How do we know if you'll like a necklace. That bracelet might be too ugly to her. I don't even know what size blouse she can wear! It's like asking a caveman to fly the space shuttle.

My advice? great big old hints. "Ooh I love this purse by (insert popular designer name)! I could reeeealy use a GPS too! I wonder if I should get the size FOUR or the size THREE... I'll get the THREE, it fits me MUCH better." Don't blame him for getting himself what he likes, you'd get stuff for yourself that you like right?

[TheDigitalSaint]

Considering you are just a teenager, your view is disturbingly money grubbing. Such a sense of entitlement at a young age is not becoming. Unless you happened to mysteriously forget to mention all the expensive things you're buying him, you need to tone it down. Even if that's the case, since when is a happy relationship a game who can one-up each other on spending money on each other? Your priorities need to be examined.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Well, if he's not being romantic any longer, it could be because he's comfortable with you and no longer feels he needs to win you over. This happens frequently in long-term relationships. Are you doing anything in return that might make him feel like you're being romantic too? Have you guys fought much lately? What else is going on?

[Asker]

I would like to point you too the update smart one...read it and learn it.

[TheDigitalSaint]

I did read the updates. My questions still stand. Is he really busy with other things in his life right now that distract him from the relationship? Is he getting along well with his family? Does he have a lot of stress in his life? Have you guys fought at all recently?

I'm trying to get you to think of all the reasons why he might be changing. Can you think of something I didn't mention?

[Asker]

No we've been just fine his family gets along very well with him and they love the relationship. I want to point out that he doesn't work and he's not in college he is above age and graduated high school this is the part that frustrates me most. Everyone else that graduated with him in high school is either working or in college he is doing neither of those things. He says he'll go in September (supposedly) but he's been saying things like that since last year. And I just don't believe him anymore

[TheDigitalSaint]

It sounds like he might just be lacking motivation in general. If you have a good relationship with his friends or family, you might try talking to them to find out what might be bothering him, or could be used as inspiration to do more in his life.

[Asker]

U have a point. His parents say the same thing though they always say he's gonna start soon (etc.) but this has been going on since last year. But his parents say the same and as for friends I'm his only BEST friend. His other friends drifted away and he's a very private person he doesn't like talking to anyone about his personal life except me.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Okay, try this:

1. I'd encourage the parents to push him harder. Sometimes parents can love their kids too much and not be strong enough to get them in the right direction.

2. Write him a letter. Instead of sounding like a nagging girlfriend (which is the way it may come off if you talk in person) when you write a letter, he can read it at his own pace. Put everything in there that you feel concerned about. Temper it with pointing out his good points as well. Let him think for a moment.

[Asker]

Thats really great advice thank you very much :). I honestly preferred this better than the cursing as you can see below.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Look, I'm sure you want what is best for him. Keep in mind that people take correct better when they feel the other person is still on their side. Try to keep the letter at least 75% good remarks about what you do like about him. It will make the tough parts easier to take to heart.

[Asker]

Okay thank you I literally wrote it all down this is a lifesaver. Thank you so much! :D

[TheDigitalSaint]

You're welcome hun.

[Anonymous]

he's your boyfriend not your husband. he's not entitled to buy you all that stuff.

its his money. you don't control his wallet.

unless you guys are married, he doesn't have to buy you expensive stuff. buy it yourself.

i don't mean to sound rude but come on now. think about it.

wouldnt you feel weird buying your boyfriend expensive things like an xbox or a ps3? it would be something else if you guys were married but you're not. I would never give my boyfriend expensive things like that either. I don't know why girls expect their boyfriend to share their money like if that was their husband.

[YourBruise]

Depends what you asked for really. I can't speak for every girl but I'd hate for a guy to buy me gifts for no reason. I mean its nice to be surprised with flowers etc but not something of any value. Must be due to being very independent, I don't like to owe people money or drinks or anything. Its his money, if he wanted to buy new clothes and an xbox with it then its his decision, he may be your boyfriend but that doesn't mean he has to buy you a random gift. Do you ever buy him random expensive gifts?

[3336PS]

My partner whom I have been with for a long time, buys himself all the new gagets and let them sit. I do all the house work and have ask for little gifts to show appreciation. He said he has his own ideas with what to get me no need for me to tell him...years later I am still waiting for his big plan. Meanwhile I get him little stuff such as jellybeans and whatnot because I know he likes them. Well...he is done with me and planning to move out. Use your own judgement...somethimes its not the gifts...

[Cynthia325]

I wouldn't let him know that you feel this way, its his money, I don't see a problem here, I'm 26 and most of time when you get a gift from a guy its on an occasion. Your young and not married with kids, you have nothing to worry about except your self, why are you worried about what he does with his money? It really shouldn't hurt at all.

[UberTroll]

LOL and when's the last time you bought him something just because? You're sounding pretty spoiled right now.

[beinghelpful]

Damn right she is.

[Asker]

I WOULD LIKE BOTH OF YOU TO SEE THE UPDATE! I swear you people get dumber and dumber

[toulouse]

do you randomly buy him expensive, stuff?

[Moloch]

He can do whatever he wants with his money.