My boyfriend used to pay for everything with his exes but makes me pay for 50% of things now. Did he love them more?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend had 2 girlfriends before me. He dated both of them for over a year and told me that he paid for everything when he dated them and that they never ever offered to pay for anything when going out for food or dates. He said he nearly went broke when he dated his first ex because he would spend all his money on her and she never had a job so he never wanted her to pay. He said he was better about his money with his second girlfriend but he still paid for 100% of things and never had her pay for anything. When they went out to events and bought tickets, he would buy both of their tickets. Fast forward to my relationship with him... He told me I was the first girl he has ever met to offer to pay. I offered to pay for our movie tickets on the second date. That was something his exes never did. Now we have been dating for a couple months and it has become a regular thing for me to pay 50% of the time.. which is fine with me but now he expects that out of me... He never made his exes feel like they had to pay for anything but with me, it's expected that I pay for myself or pay for him sometimes and I also don't have a job right now. He never made his exes spend money at all and took care of them financially. Does this mean they meant more to him and that he loved them more? His ex and him went to a concert and he spent a lot of money buying both their tickets. If him and I were to go to a concert, he would only buy his own ticket. I just feel like he treated them betrer than he treats me.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't mean that he loves you less. It means that he only did that with them because they made him feel like her had to.

You're looking at this in a quite sexist, entitled way, whether or not you realise it. Two situations:
- One partner expects the other partner to pay 100% for everything
- One partner expects the other to pay 50%

Even though you say you're fine with that, you're complaining about being expected to pay your share. Imagine being expected to pay 100%? Isn't that something that would be much more annoying and much more justifiable to complain about? Surely it must be.

He probably loves you more because you're not trying to leech from him. It makes a huge difference in a man's eyes when a woman is willing to meet him halfway than when she expects 100% from him without giving him something back. But the funny thing is that many women, like yourself, see this as him treating her less well.

Relationships should be 50/50. Before, when we had no children, me and my girlfriend kept everything 50/50. I'd pay for one date, she'd pay for the next. Now I work, she stays home with the kids, and I pay for everything. That's fine because she looks after the children, cooks, cleans, and I provide. That's reciprocal.

If you want the guy to pay for everything you have to give him something in return. Do you cook for him? Do you treat him in any other way? If not, your 50% is paying your way.

[Asker]

I really liked your response and I do agree with you, although I want to clarify that I feel that he did NOT mind paying for them 100% at all. Or else don't you think he would have broken up with them if he was tired of paying for everything? He never minded it and those girls were the ones that ended up leaving him. Also, that is how my boyfriend and I are like right now. He'd pay for one date, I'd pay for the next.

[Opinion Owner]

I can guarantee that on some level it did piss him off, whether or not he admits it. He's probably just a really nice guy, he saw that they were broke, so he decided to pay. He probably felt that it was an asshole thing to do to complain about it or leave, especially since so many women insult men who do complain about it. But there's a good reason he told you that he almost ended up broke because she spent all of his money - he definitely didn't like that. Those guys usually have a hidden resentment towards those women.

I definitely don't think that it means he loves you less. One of the things I loved about my girlfriend that was different to the others was that she gives to me just as much as I give to her, whereas most others expected everything from me while giving little to nothing back. They want to be treated like princesses but they don't want to treat their men like kings. That's why their relationships suck.

[Asker]

So you would say without a doubt the current girlfriend you are with is your favorite out of all the others?

[Asker]

How do I know if I'm his favorite?

[Opinion Owner]

Of course, that's why I'm with her and not my exes, and chose to have kids with her. I think that you're probably overthinking this and allowing this thing about paying to make you feel insecure, but it shouldn't and it could ruin your relationship. If he's with you now, you're his favourite.

[nofunkgiven]

No, but in his previous relationships they didn't offer to pay and he didn't wanna sound like an ass and ask them to pay.
But this doesn't mean he liked paying for everything.
But now you're the first one who offered to pay , and he thinks that's good, so he just agrees to it.
Doesn't mean he doesn't love you less, he might even love you more.
Also if you didn't offer , bet you he would have still paid for everything.

[witherwing]

He finally figured out how it actually should be. He was screwed by money hungry bitches and he learned his lesson. It's not about who he loves more.

[yasii]

No, it just means he finals figured out that a relationship is supposed to be 50/50 and not only one giving 100%.

[jessture]

No it means he's learned how to stand up for himself and not pander to gold diggers.

[Anonymous]

No. It just means that after his 2nd ex he got smarter.