The guy I want to date doesn't drink... awkward... what do I do?

[Anonymous]

I like this guy... I don't know how much, but I do... I guess he doesn't drink at all. I find that kind of unattractive. I feel like he'll judge me. I'm not a partier, but I do like to go out and get silly sometimes. Should I just say this won't work out and move on?

Updates

+1 y

hm, so I did ask him why he doesn't drink at all. he said if he explained his reasons he'd sound like a prude so he's not going to.

[Anonymous]

As long as you don't make him feel embarrassed by your actions once drunk, there shouldn't be a problem.

There could be thousands of reasons why he doesn't drink, as mentioned before, he might be a son of an alcoholic, lacking the enzyme, just not feeling it, or being an ex-alcoholic himself and so on.

You are fearing the judgement.

If he is an "ok person" he won't mind you having a couple of drinks every once in a while. But if you trash yourself every single day, then he, and anyone else for that matter, will not be cool with it if they genuinely care about you.

I myself am an alcoholic whose stopped drinking a week ago because of health issues and because I met a guy whom I did not want him to think of me as an alcoholic. We started dating a few days ago, the guy is an occasional drinker, but I don't mind him doing that in front of me, and he does not mind me drinking water now.

If there is understanding and respect, it can all work fine.

[Asker]

yeah, this is all very true. I feel like my family would judge him for not drinking though.. idk. I can't say. I guess it doesn't bother me that much. I just wouldn't want him to feel awkward. I like to get a little tipsy maybe once a weekend, but not much more than that.

[Opinion Owner]

Being tipsy isn't a bad thing, as long as you can walk a straight line, keep yourself awake and not talk sh*t. It shouldn't bother you as long as he does not start making himself look like a better person because he does not intoxicate himself and bring you down with words.

And as for your parents, I think they should be more concerned whether he's genuinely nice to you and them, rather than if he has a drink occasionally

[Asker]

lol good point. yeah, no, I've never really not been able to walk haha. Fallen asleep, maybe... haha, but more out of choice then having to, so that probably doesn't count.

[Opinion Owner]

lol yeah we're all different when drunk, I personally talk cr*ap big time and get blank-outs which is really uncool. The night I met the guy I'm dating now, he told me what he studied etc, of course I couldn't remember a word from it the next day, 3 days later and sober, I found out (again!) he's actually in the same uni as myself! Now that's pathetic. If you can hold your sh*it and health together, no one can judge you.

[Opinion Owner]

and as far as your guy goes, just keep on being yourself, obviously he seems cool with your drinking, so if you're interested in him, take it from there and see how it goes

[Asker]

haha hmm yeah, why not

[Ranta]

If it helps: I don't really drink, but most of my friends do. Our relationships are great! :) I don't drink because personally, it's just not something I'm into; as strange as it may sound, I really don't like the idea of getting drunk (or the taste of alcohol, but that's another matter :P). It doesn't bother me at all when my friends drink around me: just because I don't do it, doesn't mean they shouldn't!

Drinking can be a sensitive subject, but for most people, it's not a big deal. If you liked watching a TV show that he didn't, he (hopefully) wouldn't judge you for that, and that same can probably be said for drinking. I'd suggest giving it a shot, since you like the guy. If you do feel judged, just bring up your concerns and ask for his opinion-- and if it turns out that he is judging you, you can always end the relationship.

Best of luck, and I hope this helps! :)

[Asker]

thanks! yeah, I think I'll give it a try... just long term I'm pretty sure I couldn't make it work

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Um I think it's you who thinks he's going to judge you...if he doesn't drink, doesn't necessarily mean he's a prude and thinks less of those who do. Unless he expresses that of course. If he gets to know you and see that you just drink every so often to get a little silly and aren't some sloppy trashy always have to be drunk girl, he probably won't mind. My boyfriend kinda guy lol, doesn't like drinking either, and I love drinking, but only every so often and I'm a good drunk so I don't end up in embarassing situations, or make me someone he would be ashamed to call his lady.

[Asker]

huh okay. yeah, I'm not really a partier or slutty.. so I guess it could work out? I just don't want to offend his values.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

You shouldn't have to change what you enjoy ( unless it's obviously destructive behavior,) to fully appease another. If he really likes you, I doubt a tiny think like you having a drink every once in a while will intefere with his interest

[Asker]

yeah, I hope not! he seems so nice too! maybe I'll just go for it anyway. it just makes me feel awkward because I know how silly I get when I drink!

[myspacemybroke]

Eh it could work out. Depends on his reasons I guess. I mean if he doesn't drink because his dad was an alcoholic molester who beat his mother, then he might have issues with even the suggestion of alcohol. If it's just a matter of "no not really my thing" or a disgust with the patier types it's probably not a huge deal. Who knows it could even just a health issue. A lot of people lack the enzyme in their stomach to digest alcohol so it makes them sick, and there's no fun had whatsoever.

[Asker]

that's true. I guess we could see where it goes. I just know that long term I couldn't deal with it. My parents would think it was weird too.

[myspacemybroke]

Well if you know that you couldn't deal with it long term there's your sign that it's just not going to work out.

[Asker]

yeah, that's kind of sad!

[myspacemybroke]

Oh well.

[scott63a]

Why not just see where it goes? If he is OK with it, and doesn't judge you, that could work out. Besides, if it does work, you've got a permanent designated driver! :-)

[Asker]

haha true. idk, I'd just feel bad going out with him and having something to drink. I'd feel judged! lol.

[scott63a]

It might be worth asking him what he thinks about it. He may not mind. I have a friend who recently started dating someone who doesn't drink. She drinks a glass or two of wine when we go out, and he doesn't seem to care a bit. We all have a nice time together.

[Asker]

yeah, I did ask him. he said he doesn't mind being around it, he just doesn't partake. he said if he explained why he didn't drink it would sound really prudish... that kind of worries me, but idk.

[kalabama]

Concerning the update, if he doesn't want to go over the details, kind of means he doesn't really care if you drink. If he did not want you to drink, or be around someone who drinks, he would let you know his "prude" reasons, right?

[Asker]

hmm you think so? I guess I'll take it that way.

[kalabama]

That's how I interpret his saying, yes. Though curious to see what others will think of that statement :)

[Asker]

haha true true!

[Konnour]

In what kind of sh*thole the world is turning to when people who don't intoxicate themselves are deemed as "weird"?

[Asker]

lol no, it's not like that... I just wouldn't want him to feel uncomfortable or for my family to judge him.

[Konnour]

He's probably already used to face such situations anyway.

[Asker]

huh yeah, good point. so maybe it'll work out'?

[Konnour]

Yeah, maybe.

[Anonymous]

why don't you just talk to him about it instead? what's with people ducking out before talking these days?...

"I feel like he'll judge me"...but what if he won't? you could have an amazing potential boyfriend right there.

[Asker]

could I though? I always like to think long long term... and I just don't know if I could marry someone who doesn't drink. Letting lose and having some fun is important to me. I'm not a partier, but I have a big family... and we like to get together and be silly. I just feel like he'd be judged by my family for not drinking. Idk, maybe I'll give it a try. oh and I am talking to him about it haha. I wouldn't just let go that easily.

[Opinion Owner]

you can be silly without alcohol you know haha. maybe he's more silly sober than you are while intoxicated haha. it seems its an attitude/personality thing and not a drinking thing that you're worried about...that he's too serious/uptight for you.

[Asker]

yeah, that might be it. I'm pretty laid back and free spirited, I couldn't deal with someone up tight

[NoLimits]

Nothing wrong with that. Unless he does judge you for drinking then I would move on.

[Asker]

what if I sort of judge him for not drinking? I just know he wouldn't fit in with my family. idk, I do like him... I just think he'd feel like an outsider.

[NoLimits]

hmm hard to say. I guess its depends on how he acts and connects with your family. If he looks awkward being around your family because they drink it could pose a problem.

[NoLimits]

But I say if you like him, give it a chance. Don't judge him right off the back. Maybe it will all work out.

[Asker]

yeah no, I just wouldn't want to make someone feel uncomfortable.

[NoLimits]

and you wouldn't be, that part is up to him. He's most likely aware of this situation.

[Asker]

hm yeah, good point. so not a deal breaker for him?

[NoLimits]

Shouldn't be. I guess depends how he feels about the situation. If he wants to try and make it work, it shouldn't be a problem at all.

[Asker]

true. I don't think I can make it work long term though... so maybe I shouldn't bother.