Non-exclusive but Jealous

[Anonymous]

I have been casually dating a guy for a couple months now, and we aren't exclusive (since we're still casually dating). He admitted that he had a one night stand a couple weeks ago.

He didn't do anything wrong, but I have been cheated on in the past and am extremely hurt by this. I keep going back to the fact that he didn't do anything wrong since we aren't in a relationship.

I just wanted to know if you would consider this a deal breaker in a period where you're still trying to figure out if you want a relationship with the person.

[DivineBrown]

I wouldn't consider it a deal breaker at all. He's free to do what he likes, as you are as well. I would question if he wants the same thing as you do. I think its a red flag if you want to be exclusive, but aren't yet.

Keep in mind jealously is not an emotion, its a reaction. Sometimes its a reaction to feelings of insecurity. In this case, you may be feeling like he may meet someone else and stop seeing you. If that's the case, you need some reassurance of his commitment to you. Without it, the jealously won't go away.

Don't feel bad about being jealous. It's your way of telling yourself that you don't feel safe in this relationship.

[Anonymous]

I would consider it a deal breaker, yes. You're absolutely right that he did nothing wrong as you're not exclusive, however, that doesn't mean he did things that were conducive toward building a relationship with you either. After a couple months of dating, a guy that's super into a girl and wants it to be exclusive, wouldn't risk screwing it up with a one night stand. If a relationship with a faithful guy is what you're after, this guy isn't it.

[Opinion Owner]

I'd also like to add, that if it were within the first month, and you weren't sure you really wanted to be with him, this would be more acceptable. You may even be hooking up with other guys too. But after a few months and he tells you about it, I think he'd lose respect for you if you didn't walk. Otherwise, it seems like you're accepting this no-strings-attached set up. It doesn't look like you want a serious relationship if you stick around.

[Opinion Owner]

I mean think about it. Would YOU consider screwing someone else and telling the guy about it if you *really really* liked him and wanted it to be a serious relationship? Hell no! Because he'd stop seeing you if you did that. Now think about why he did it anyway. It's because he doesn't care enough, I'm sorry to say.

[Anonymous]

I think you waited a bit too long to bring up being exclusive, based on your feelings. I wouldn't feel ecstatic about it, but it wouldn't be a deal breaker either since we're not in a relationship.

[Cryostatic]

Personally... if I'm into a girl, I don't need to be officially "exclusive". I'm not going to be going around looking for other holes to plop my junk in. Why? Because she's the one that's on my mind.

While he didn't do anything WRONG, I'd question how much this guy's actually into you.

[Anonymous]

I consider it a deal breaker since I think sleeping with random people "just cause you can" is really trashy. Call me old fashioned but I think sex belongs in a relationship.

[kambo_trick3y]

It's not a deal breaker, he's not your property. In fact, any sane person would be wary of you. If you're THIS jealous and you're not even IN a relationship yet, imagine how bad it's gonna be when you actually get together.

[DivineBrown]

Uncool. She's asking the question to strangers and not him for a reason.

[kambo_trick3y]

And as a stranger who just answered her question with an honest opinion, I'm entitled to let her know something she needs to hear. It's up to her to ignore it, or actually sit and think on whether or it has any validity.