Was I wrong for speaking up about this?

[Anonymous]

My child’s father doesn’t work. He sells weed and even sells food stamps to get by and I have told him many times that he doesn’t have to struggle like that if he would just get a job. It’s decent paying jobs these days because no one wants to work since the pandemic. Like okay, selling weed and stamps has gotten our son diapers, wipes, clothes etc but I get them most often because I have a real job. I feel he needs something real. I work, so why can’t he? It’s not like two hustles are big hustles that are meant to provide. He isn’t Scarface. They’re temporary and he just doesn’t get that. He gets offended when I tell him to get a job and says things like “It’s people with jobs that neglect their kids.” As if that has anything to do with him getting a job at all.

[DryGermanGuy]

Tell him that child neglect also comes from failing your child financially, educationally and as a role model.

[Anonymous]

Was this going on when you met him? Or even at any point leading up to you being pregnant? Or is it brand new since your son was born?

[Asker]

It was going on before our son. I didn’t care because I still had income of my own. I only had me to take care of. That hustle was how he took care of himself as well but we have a child now and doing only that won’t work. I always worked. I know I shouldn’t have gotten pregnant by him when I knew never took to the time to get a real job but mistakes and bad decisions happen but I look at like our son is here now regardless of what I knew before he was here and everything we do needs to be with him in mind and I feel like him not wanting to get a real job is him not considering him.

[Asker]

I can provide for him but what’s the point of him having a father that’s around that can’t do the same? He doesn’t have a record or anything so it isn’t like no job won’t hire him.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, im sure you know where I’m going with this, but it sounds like you had an idea of what sort of man you were dealing with and still chose him as the father of your son. Regrets aside, he’s been the same dude, and you can’t talk him into being a good parent. I’m sorry, I know that’s frustrating but all you can do is what you can for your son. You can’t worry about the dads efforts, only yours. A lot of single moms are in your situation or worse, you can’t rely on him.

[Opinion Owner]

When I had my kid, it was a similar situation with her father. You can’t ground the man and make him want to step up, it’s a waste of time. I do my best for her, making sure holidays, good birthdays and all that are great, even though he doesn’t step up and makes promises he always breaks. I also do force her upon him, because I know that is the only way they will have a good relationship, he doesn’t make that happen on his own. Like you said, bad choices were made but it’s our burden to live with.

[Opinion Owner]

**don’t force

[Asker]

But see, he doesn’t mind getting him, being around him or seeing him. I just think his idea of what of parent is isn’t reality. He thinks getting him what he needs, makes him a good father. He can provide pampers, wipes, clothes etc because that’s all he needs now, but for how long? Like I said what he does to get money are only temporary hustles. They’re not meant to be permanent and he doesn’t get that he needs more than necessities. He needs some sort of financial security which he can’t provide him with by selling drugs or food stamps. He needs a job. He doesn’t get that doing the bare minimum as a parent will never be enough.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s what I mean about talking him into being a good parent, it won’t work. Why? Because he’s not mentally in a place to realize that it takes more than what he’s actually doing. Like what if he gets arrested? What if he makes a deal with the wrong person? I knew a guy who got robbed and killed back in January over weed and jewelry. This guy has a lot of growing up to do that he isn’t ready for, and unfortunately you can’t change that. This is why I say to just focus on what you can do, since you two are clearly on very different paths.

[Opinion Owner]

Does your son deserve a better role model and a dad with a real job rather than slanging weed and food stamps for chump change? Absolutely. Who knows when he will realize this though, since he’s comfortable how he is right now.

[Asker]

Yea. You hit it right on the head because that’s exactly what I’ve told him in so little words without trying to offend him. Sorry if I offend you when I say what I’m about to say, because I don’t know you because this is the internet so I apologize in advance for what I’m about to say but he always says “Working a 9-5 job for the white man is slavery.” But yet you’re still doing exactly what the “White Man” wants you do every time you choose to sell weed. They’re looking for any reason to lock you up, add weed to it, you gave them a reason even if it’s legal. When did cops ever follow the law? You rather work legally for the white man, and not worry about getting arrested or killed.

[Alex8736]

Sounds like the mentality of a 10 year old in a mans body

[LazerBean]

Because he is a loser who doesn't want a real job.

[Asker]

I don’t want to call him a loser. He his my sons father but it is frustrating that he just refuses to even take getting or looking for a job seriously

[LazerBean]

I think that's very kind and respectful of you to not call him a loser. That does not change the fact that he is though. Since you are (fortunately) not married to him, I would say do your best to be completely dependent from him and not further entangle yourself to him.

[Littlejugs99]

Probably worried he can't get a job.