How should I deal with a team mate who jeopardized the one important project in uni?

[Anonymous]

So, we've been working on our Bachelor's Project for a while now. Without much context, those are incredibly important not only for our degree, but also bc they open literal doors in our field if we do it well. We planned on applying for funding bc it's a very prestigious option here, if chosen, and we already delayed it one semester bc one of our team mates wasn't pulling his weight.

As it turned out, he's been doing nothing the last 1,5 years and only tried to placate me (who leads the whole thing). Since he's actually a good friend of mine I always tried to meet him halfway, offered him options and talks and help if things were too difficult to do and he never once agreed with me when I pointed out that I have the impression he's just buying time and not fully invested. It's not even half-assed effort but none at all, fooling me and my other team mate.

Today he told me that he dropped out of the project. And he basically didn't do ANYTHING. There's a shit ton of work I have to do that is based on his work and without it, I can't do shit. I dunno how to deal with this or him. I'm beyond stressed and while I have been calm earlier during our talk, I had a panic attack at home bc we have two months left to pull everything off. And with nothing on my hands, thanks to him, I have wasted 1,5 years of waiting for him to get to work.

I dunno why someone who's supposed to be my "friend" would do this. And I'm not sure how I can go about this whole thing or how I should, if you get the gist. I feel incredibly hurt, disrespected and just angry as hell. Reporting him to my prof isn't an option either bc technically, it's not his graduation project. It's mine and my other team mate's. It has literally zero consequences for him, academically.

How would you deal with with this person now? Should I stay "friends" with him? I am so overwhelmed rn, I don't even know if I can work another day on this project...

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh my God girl, I would be LIVID! I can't believe he screwed you over like that after 1.5 years of nothing. What a loser!

Honestly, screw being friends with him anymore. He clearly didn't care at all about you or your project. Who needs "friends" like that?

As for the project, yeah the next two months will suck but don't panic yet. Deep breaths - you've got this! Figure out what actual work you can salvage or repurpose without his garbage contribution. Then methodically map out a new plan of attack to fill in the gaps.

See if your prof can get you an extension if needed once you explain the sabotage. Most will be understanding. Don't be afraid to ask other classmates for help too - I'm sure some will be willing to chip in if you buy them pizza or whatever.

As for that jerk, I'd cut off all communication. Block him everywhere so you aren't tempted to confront him in anger. You don't need that stress! Just focus all your energy on getting your project done without him.

You've got this, girl! Don't let one loser take you down. You've worked too hard and are way smarter than that. Crush this thing and show him what he's missing out on.

[Asker]

It's a good thing you mention not to confront him in anger. Since this happened on Wednesday my mood as changed significantly. At first I was incredibly miserable, but now I am just livid, as you said. I wanted to walk up to him and get back at him, but I am not sure if this would do any good. This situation really made me question our whole friendship.

I now also have the issue after telling my other teammate that he now considers dropping out of the project to join another one that has better chances for success. Rn I am focusing on finishing the thing on my own since I don't do very well when I'm miserable, but I do very good when I'm mad. I don't know... I just hope things work out, in the end. I managed to find someone to help me with the paperwork, but if my other teammate drops ow out bc of my "friend", the chances for receiving the funding we want to apply for are dangerously low... also, there would be a lack of people I trust if this happened. I feel incredibly left in the dirt.

Sadly, there isn't an extension I could be granted since it's for the funding only. We'd get between 20.000$ and 30.000$ for the project if they'd like it and a very good reputation. We'd still do the project without it, but our university cut out finances down from about 4.500$ to 1.000$ this semester. Like... it's nothing you can work very well with.

But I think you're right. I should just avoid talking, seeing or meeting my "friend". I don't know what I'd do. If this goes downhill bc of him and we won't even have a chance for the funding, I don't know what to do, honestly :/ Rn I am just doing my best with running on spite.

[Oliverlogan263]

It's so unfair that one person's actions could completely sabotage the amazing opportunity you and your other teammate have been working towards. I completely understand why you're feeling so angry and hurt right now.

Cutting contact with that "friend" is definitely the way to go - being around them would just keep stirring up negative emotions. Focus your energy on finishing as best you can on your own at this point. You seem like the type of hard worker who gets even more motivated when they're mad, so channel that spite into productivity!

As for your other teammate, would it be worth reaching out to reassure them that you're still fully committed to finishing strong? Remind them of the lasting rewards this could bring for both your careers, and that you're not giving up hope yet on the funding. Their help may make it more likely the project gets recognized.

And who knows - if you really knock it out of the park on your own now, maybe the faculty will be even more impressed by your resilience. Don't lose faith in yourself yet! This is just one challenge you have to overcome on your path. You've got this sis.

Keep your head high and let me know if venting more will help. You've got a lot on your plate but you're gonna power through like the boss you are. Stay strong!

[jennifer_bloom]

Nobody believes your story: A team member not officially recognized or graded as a team member but essential to your work and a job that requires funding at the undergraduate level and done through poorly chosen students. It’s obvious to me you have a brain injury and nobody believes your lies about me.

[Asker]

Are you unwell? If you have nothing productive to say and are uneducated on the line of a profession you have no context to, please refrain from posting incoherent and mean-spirited comments under questions where people are looking for advice. Not only does it make you look like an asshat, but it also makes you sound very uneducated. Be kind.

[Makeushiver]

Seek out instructor or professor, explain it to him and ask if you can show him some work you've done on your own. Its not uncommon