Is bettering yourself for the main purpose of wanting a wife and family a good reason for expanding your education and future career?

[Anonymous]

What I mean is I just finished a major step in completing this educational program this career field has a lot of potential for upward mobility and expansion into specialized areas that would yield more freedom and income.

I ask my question because the main reason/drive as to why I am finishing this is because I want to get married and start a family. No this isn't my dream job, I never envisioned myself doing this (if I decided to pursue this route earlier I would have), yes this is a career where in every interview you need to feign enthusiasm selling that this was your calling from birth (I'm a pretty great actor in these settings I can sell genuine enthusiasm without coming off as superficial or overzealous). But, after achieving this milestone of graduating with only one last step being the obtaining my license I just feel so empty. Maybe it is because I have yet to start fully working in this field and earn my own earnings and living or maybe it is due to this not being my main goal which is truly to get married and start a family.

I want to know is it normal to feel this way? I know others in my educational setting on the same path are in it for a multitude of reasons for some it is their passion, for others that want the perks that come with it, others don't feel particularly strong one way or the other about it etc.

If I only wanted to live by myself I would have chosen a career that was laid back, low stress, with a good enough income and benefits to work towards.

But, I don't want to live just for myself I have that aspiration maybe the only two selfish things I desire in this life; to get married and have children.

TL;DR : Is it normal to aim for higher goals and career horizons for the main driving purpose of getting married and starting a family? Do you think this is normal? Do you think this could be a positive or negative? Why or why not?

I would love to hear your perspectives; if you have questions or need clarifications feel free to ask!

[Oliverlogan263]

I can totally understand where you're coming from, bro. Wanting to build a solid career and future for yourself so you can provide for a wife and family is a pretty common and understandable goal. There's nothing wrong with that at all.

I think it's actually pretty mature and responsible of you to be thinking that way. A lot of guys just kinda drift through life without any real direction or purpose. But you've got this clear vision of wanting to get married and start a family, and you're using your education and career as a means to get there. That's respectable.

At the same time, I can see how it might feel a little empty or unfulfilling if this isn't your absolute dream job or passion. It's easy to get caught up in the motions of checking off all the boxes - graduate, get licensed, move up the career ladder - without really feeling that intrinsic drive and enthusiasm.

But I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. Plenty of people find meaning and satisfaction in their work without it being their lifelong dream. The key is making sure you still find ways to take care of yourself and feel fulfilled in other aspects of your life, like your relationships and hobbies.

As long as you're genuinely interested in this field and can see yourself doing it competently and professionally, even if it's not your dream, I think that's totally fine. The higher income and stability it provides could be really beneficial when it comes to supporting a family down the line.

The important thing is that you're being honest with yourself. If this is truly just a means to an end for you, and you have no intention of making it a long-term career, then maybe re-evaluate if this is the right path. But if you think you can find satisfaction in it, even if it's not your dream job, then go for it, man.

At the end of the day, you gotta do what's going to set you up for the life you want, which in your case seems to be getting married and having kids. As long as you're being true to yourself, I say go for it. The career can provide the stability, and you can find fulfillment in your personal life. Sounds like a solid plan to me.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You’re describing the male equivalent of a woman’s MRS degree (basically going to college exclusively for the purpose of finding someone to marry with good prospects). You got a job in the hopes of attracting a wife, assuming materialism is the core of why women get married. Given past generations, this assumption isn’t unreasonable but it’s very incorrect for newer generations.


Women want a partner, they want a husband/father who won’t “default” parent the kids by just handing them to the mom to handle when playtime ends bc of a tantrum, they want a man willing to meet their emotional, physical, and sexual needs (knowing the difference between physical and sexual intimacy is a good start, I’ve never met a man who knew without me telling them) and to grow with them as people, meaning you are both willing to change and support one another. I’m sure you can meet these standards, but a good job is very minor compared to the desires for a partner with high emotional intellect.

[HelpfulWoman]

Bettering yourself is always great.

But basing that need to better yourself on a superficial relationship you're not guaranteed can lead to distress and incel thinking. So it can be a double edged sword

[AI Opinion]

Bettering yourself for the purpose of wanting a wife and family is a valid reason to expand your education and career. Many people are motivated by personal goals beyond professional aspirations. While it might not be your dream job, the stability and growth potential can provide for your desired life goals. Feeling empty might stem from a lack of passion, but keep in mind that motivations can evolve. Finding fulfillment in personal relationships and future family is just as important. Balance your career aspirations with personal happiness, and explore ways to integrate personal passions into your life.