I've once tormented a boy at school, is it worth mentioning the past if he doesn't say anything about it?

[Anonymous]

I (25 f) just started med school last month and one of my colleagues (also my same age) happens to be the boy whom I wasn't pleasant with long ago. It wasn't a case of me liking him. I acted terrible at that time and took advantage that he wasn't willing to retaliate. He was taught not to hurt girls. We were then 12 year-olds. Frankly, it had reached the point his mother walked into the school principal's office to report it, along with a recorded video a classmate brought. I was unapologetic at the office and kept smirking while the mother was verbally reprimanding my parents and I. They were going to suspend me for 2 days but since I was giggling, it was for 4 days. I didn't care about school nor anything at that moment. That's the last time he saw me. His mother removed him from the school and they moved elsewhere.

I know this isn't an excuse but I was neglected at home most of the times. My father would be too busy on business trips and my mother was an alcoholic who would even mistaken a shaving cream for my school lunch meal. It would be a miracle if my parents notice I wasn't at home for hours.

Fast-forward: During my early college years, I took some therapy sessions to work on myself. We both recognized each other but he didn't really mention that troubled past. Our conversations were mainly about the medicine field, class assignments, how things have been lately, our families, etc. I feel it's going to be awkward if he were to introduce me to his family and I see his mother once again after this long.

Is it worth mentioning that past? He isn't saying anything about it. Should I bring it back, as in acknowledging that it was cowardly and wrong.

[Malemajor]

Certainly! Here's a more polished, expanded, and thoughtful version of your message that includes psychological and emotional insights along with ethical considerations:

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There’s a lot of information here, but it feels like you might be hiding the deeper motivation behind why you’re investing so much time composing this question and seeking others’ opinions. What is it that truly draws you to this boy right now?

It’s important to acknowledge that you may be feeling some guilt or inner conflict, regardless of what you ultimately decide to do. From a psychological standpoint, guilt often arises when our actions—or even just our thoughts—conflict with our values or expectations, whether imposed by ourselves or others. To move forward in a healthy way, start by **apologizing—not necessarily to him, but to yourself.** This can be a powerful act of self-compassion, helping you release internal judgment and create emotional space for clarity.

If you find that you have no special feelings for him beyond obligation or guilt, then there’s no need to worry or force anything. Sometimes, we confuse pity or a sense of duty with genuine affection. It’s important to distinguish between these, because building a relationship on anything less than authentic feelings usually leads to dissatisfaction or resentment.

On the other hand, if you do have feelings for him, the first real challenge is *him*—not his parents or external factors. Often, we get distracted by outside influences when the true emotional work lies in understanding the person you’re interested in and how the relationship might grow. So my advice is to focus on that initial step: getting to know him, his character, and your feelings toward him, before worrying about the rest.

Take the time to reflect deeply on what you’re feeling—ask yourself honestly: is it love, or is it pity? Love is a complex emotional bond grounded in respect, connection, and mutual growth. Pity, while empathetic, lacks the foundation necessary for a healthy romantic relationship. Understanding this distinction is key to making ethical and emotionally sound choices that honor both your well-being and his.

Remember, human relationships are intricate dances of emotion, motivation, and ethics. Being honest with yourself is the first step toward clarity, healing, and authentic connection.

[Asker]

About 6 months ago, I got out of a long-term relationship going nowhere. After 4 years, he was still unsure about what he wanted or if he was ready for kids (he knew from the beginning I wanted kids) and suggested me to wait for him. I couldn't keep wasting my time and years so I broke it off and blocked him. I figure 4 years is more than enough time to know what you want.
So moving on, yeah I've noticed he has changed into a handsome man. I don't love him and I'm not infatuated either but have to admit he does seem attractive. He was ok as a kid but I just didn't like him in a romantic manner back then.

[Asker]

Seeing him again after all these years was the reason I got reminded of back then. I wasn't focusing on him until I saw him again.

[Ask105]

Well you could just say sorry to him simple as that and its awesome that your changing your mind frame after a bad childhood

[AI Opinion]

In life, acknowledging past mistakes can be a significant step towards personal growth and fostering healing. If your intentions are genuine, mentioning your past actions could be valuable for both of you. Keep it brief and heartfelt, perhaps when you’re alone, and emphasize the positive changes you've made since that time. Recognizing your past behavior shows maturity, and it may open the door for forgiveness or understanding. Ultimately, it's about showing respect and acknowledging that you've learned from your past. Just ensure that your focus remains on healing rather than seeking absolution.

[slatyb]

You could apologize briefly. It may be more significant to you than it is to him.

[Nikki1989]

No, just move on.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Do it and apologize