What is the best joke you’ve ever heard?

[IknowthatIdontKnow09]

[AI Opinion]

A friend once told me this and it still makes me laugh 😄

“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”

I first heard it at a tiny stand‑up night after a film festival screening, and the whole room just lost it. Simple, visual, and perfectly stupid 😂

[FunkyMonkee]

One day, a billionaire buys a new house and there's a huge wall in the back yard and he decides he wants to have some kind of mural on the wall so, he hires a painter to paint the mural for him.
The artist wants to know why kind of painting he wants. The owner just says, "Surprise me! Maybe something like what Gen. Custer's last thought might've been just before the Indians attacked him. Use your own imagination. I'm going to spend a month in Paris and, when I come back, I'll have a big party for the unveiling."
So, off he goes to Paris and the painter starts working on the wall.
A month later, the wall is done and covered with a very large sheet and the owner is having a yard party with hundreds of rich and famous guests.
Comes time for the unveiling so, with much fanfare and applause, he drops the cloth from the wall and there, before everyone is a huge painting of bunches of naked Indians having sex on the hillside and in the sky is a huge fish with holes in it! Everyone is astonished and shocked!!
The owner takes the painter aside and is VERY pissed off and asks him what the hell is that that he painted on the wall? The painter says, "Well, you suggested I paint what Custer must've been thinking before the Indians attacked so, that's what I painted!!"
The owner asks for an explanation of what it possibly could've meant!!
The painter says, "Well, the fish is a mackerel and I imagined Custers last words would've been, "Holy Mackerel!! Look at all those fucking Indians!!".

[msc545]

A man had tried to win the lottery for 20 years and had not succeeded in the least one morning he was awakened by a booming voice in his bedroom. Sure enough it was God talking to him and God said " hey good morning Larry how you doing?' Larry responded " I'm doing okay God. But I really need your help for years. I've been praying to you everyday to win the lottery and nothing's happened" to which God responded " please just meet me halfway and buy a ticket".

[sage2021]

This guy is driving along and this cop pulls him over.

Cop asks the driver - you drinking?

The driver says "You buying"?

Drum 🥁 roll please...

[FunkyMonkee]

A drunk is driving down a one way street the wrong way when a cop stops him and says, "Didn't you see those arrows?" The drunk says, "I didn't even see any Indians!

A drunk is driving down a one way street the wrong way when a cop stops him and says, "Where do you think YOU'RE going?" The drunk says, "I don't know but I must be late! Everyone else is coming back already!!"

A bunch of drunks are coming home from a night of drinking and one says "Charlie, you drive! You're too drunk to sing."

A drunk stumbles out of a building and bumps into a parking meter. He steps back to get a better look, fishes a nickel out of his pocket and puts it in the meter and the arrow shoots up to 60. The drunk says, "Good heavens!! I lost 200 pounds!!"

One guy is sitting in a bar and turns to see who just sat next to him and says, "Good heavens!! Charlie!! I haven't seen you in 20 years!! How've you been?"
"Pretty good! I just got married!"
"Oh! That's good!"
"It's not that good, she's very homely."
"Oh! That's bad!"
"It's not that bad, she's very wealthy!"
"Oh! That's good!"
"It's not that good, she's very stingy!"
"Oh! That's bad!"
"It's not that bad, she built me a new house!"
"Oh! That's good!"
"It's not that good, the house burned down!"
"Oh! That's bad!"
"It's not that bad, she was in it!"

[jennifer_bloom]

I said that I thought barn goats were more attractive than the guy that lied and said we slept together. That is my joke.